Birthdate: I can't remember that far back
Measurements: I'm thick
Hobbies: Web mastering this site!
Turn-ons: Women in shiny boots and berets
Turn-offs: AWOL soldiers, food inspectors
The Colonel (real
name unknown, except possibly to him) brings musical
versatility and humor to the band. An extensive background in music (presumably
including some military marching-band training), the
Colonel can seemingly play any instrument. His current assignment is the drums, although he can be heard thumping
the bass, tinkling a tambourine or blowing into his big shiny trombone every now and again. The Colonel plays Pearl
Export drums, a Fender P Bass and lots of other instruments that most folks have never seen or even heard of (what's a multi guiro?).
He also sings lead on the more demanding tracks (or
just the ones we refuse to sing on), such as the love
song "Three Days in the Pokey". As mentioned earlier, the Colonel is the band's very own jester, often
easing the tensions between Jeremiah and Cletus (with
an uproarious fart or a homosexual act). Without his
humorous interruptions, Cletus would have probably kicked Jeremiah out of the band by now, replacing him with some
kind of "middy" contraption. For even more on the Colonel of Remus, click here.
(NOTE: A few parenthetical comments by Cletus and/or Jeremiah)