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Did you know that the Colonel shoots blanks nearly every night in frustration over an ordinance prohibiting real gunfire within village limits?

Hi, I'm the Colonel!

"The Colonel"

Birthdate: I can't remember that far back

Measurements: I'm thick

Hobbies: Web mastering this site!

Turn-ons: Women in shiny boots and berets

Turn-offs: AWOL soldiers, food inspectors

The Colonel (real name unknown, except possibly to him) brings musical versatility and humor to the band. An extensive background in music (presumably including some military marching-band training), the Colonel can seemingly play any instrument. His current assignment is the drums, although he can be heard thumping the bass, tinkling a tambourine or blowing into his big shiny trombone every now and again. The Colonel plays Pearl Export drums, a Fender P Bass and lots of other instruments that most folks have never seen or even heard of (what's a multi guiro?). He also sings lead on the more demanding tracks (or just the ones we refuse to sing on), such as the love song "Three Days in the Pokey". As mentioned earlier, the Colonel is the band's very own jester, often easing the tensions between Jeremiah and Cletus (with an uproarious fart or a homosexual act). Without his humorous interruptions, Cletus would have probably kicked Jeremiah out of the band by now, replacing him with some kind of "middy" contraption. For even more on the Colonel of Remus, click here.

(NOTE: A few parenthetical comments by Cletus and/or Jeremiah)