This is a look at what I went through when I lost our son and the events that shaped the man that stands before you today. This is the last four days of Keagan-Emory's life Keagan-Emory Andrew Logsdon passed away from S.I.D.S on April 11th 2010 his life may have been short but he made a major impact on his Parents Joshua Andrew Logsdon and Nicole Lynn (Thomas) Logsdon all of our family and everyone else that met him. Keagan-Emory was born at Floyd Memorial Hospital on October 7th 2010. He was only 6 months and four days old when he passed away.Now I will finally let everyone know how everything happened. I first discovered him in his crib the morning of April 8th 2010 not breathing but something telling me to wake up something is not right it was 11:00 a.m. I got out of bed and his blanket was covering his whole body but half his leg and his foot was sticking out and I saw that it was pale white and I yelled Keagan really loud as I was pulling his blanket off of him and he did not move but he had only been not breathing for 2-5 minutes(I find this out later on at kosairs) he was still warm and pale white then when I grabbed him out of his crib there was still a little bit of air in his lungs and it came out as his head fell back I yelled at the top of my lungs for my mother-in-law as I'm running up the steps and then I laid him on the floor then I started to do C.P.R. not knowing what I was doing I blew into his mouth and the air came out of his nose so then i started pumping on his chest and pinching his nose as I blew into his mouth he still had no pulse as I'm doing that my mother-in-law is on the phone with 911.Not even one minute from the time I found him my sister-in-law woke up cause she heard me screaming that he wasn't breathing and I didn't know what I was doing so she started C.P.R. she has her C.N.A so she knew what to do but still no pulse. I had to sit there and watch my first born son slipping away from me. I called my wife who was at work this whole time right after her sister took over the C.P.R. and I paniced when she picked up the phone I shouldn't have said it the way I did cause she was gonna have to drive to the hospital but I said to her Keagans dead he not breathing your sister is doing C.P.R. on him and he still does not have a pulse I told her what happened and told her which hospital to go to and then we got off the phone then I called my Father and told him the same thing he lives in Palmyra and I live in New Salisbury my Father had to get dressed and get my nephew dressed he beat the ambulance,rescue and the police to our house. The ambulance station is only about one mile from our house. Ten minutes from the time we called 911 which by the way felt like an hour Keagan-Emory still does not have a pulse. Then the ambulance finally gets on our road I am outside I started waving my arms then they pull into one of our nieghbors drive so I ran down our long ass drive way waving my arms then after they finally get to Keagan they just come in then take him out very quickly which I was very happy about. I wanted to go with him but no I had to stay at the house first and give a police report instead of waiting until I get to the hospital then doing it. (I know he was just doing his job but come on I had to just sit back and watch my first born son die right in front of me do you know what that has done to me).Nicole my wife works in clarksville and the first hospital Keagan went to she beat me to the hospital then I get there finally and we wait a couple more minutes to find out if he was alive or not but when we found out that he had a pulse it was a small sigh of relief but we found out that Keagan was in a coma and then we also found out that the paramedics put the tube for the C.P.R. in wrong so the whole way there he has not been getting any oxygen then when they finally got Keagan to the hospital they get the tube right and give him a shot of epenphrin and his heart started beating again. He was taken to kosair childrens hospital by heli

copter. The staff there took great care of him as if it were my whole family taking care of him but when we had to set down with the doctor he had to find out how long he was without a pulse I just told him I thought that he was without a pulse for about 30-45 minutes he said in most cases when a child has stoped breathing and the brain is cut off of oxygen for that amout of time that the brain will start to swell then he told me that keagan was probably not gonna pull through the night and if he did make it he would be a vegitable. Then we go back to finally get to see him and we talked to the doctors and nurses more about when I had found him that he was pale white and still warm thats when they told me that a baby will turn blue in 2-5 minutes from the time that the baby stops breathing so we narrowed it down to 15-20 minutes that he was without any oxygen to his brain but the doctors still said we will have to do a bunch of blood work and a ct scan to see how much damage was done to his brain so we would have to see what happened the first night. Well Friday the ninth he started moving his hands to the sounds of everyone voice (keep in mind that Keagan was in a coma this whole time). Then I started talking to him a bunch telling him how much I loved him and that I did not want him to leave me when I said that to him he actually moved his whole arm a couple inches and rubbed my chin-hairs with his hand like he always used to do that when he would take his nap on my chest everyday. Then later on in the day everything started looking better he started breathing better about half him half machine until later on in the day when they had to take him off the respirator to get his ct scan done so we followed them down to it and the nurse was supposed to have to manualy pump the oxygen but she didnt because he was breathing all on his own. Then that same day he started moving his arms alot more but he would never move his legs then the doctor came back with the results of his ct scan he said that the scan shows some black spots on his brain he said if he pulls through this that the damage done to his brain could be anywhere from just some small minor problems like not being able to walk all the way to having a 6 month old baby for the rest of our lives I didnt want him to suffer but I would have taken care of him any way he would have came out. But then the doctor said that he wanted to get him on a E.E.G. its a brain wave monitor. Now its Saturday the tenth the day everything went to shit they got him hooked up to the E.E.G. and they told us not to excite Keagan or even to talk to Keagan and we all had to not say anything to him for a couple hours. After that test we found out that he had no brain activity and then through out the day his brain kept on swelling and then they told us that for sure he would pass away saturday night so we got all the family to come up there and thats when we had him baptised cause my in-laws are catholic and then I watched my son go through so much freaking pain that night his heart rate would drop down to 20 then it would spike up to 70 and we thought it would be any minute now. Then later on that night I told him it was ok to go I told him he wouldn't be in pain anymore and that he was going to a better place and then about a half-hour after I told him it was ok for him to go thats when his brain seperated from his brain stem and then all his vitals went back to normal his body was no longer fighting his brain it swelled up so much that if you would have seen him you would not be able to recognize him I wont get into details. But in the state of kentucky they have to do two tests 12 hours apart to determine if Keagan is brain-dead the first one was at 5:00 a.m. Sunday the 11th and Keagan did not pass it. Then the second one was at 5:00 p.m. Sunday the 11th and Keagan-Emory Andrew Logsdon was legal deceased in the state of Kentucky. so we waited on a couple other family members to get there and I could not watch them un-hook Keagan. I ha

d to watch my first born son die twice in four days. But I told him I would be there til then end and I held him until his last heart beat and I did not want to let him go Nicole had to pull me off of Keagan to let the coroner get to the autopsy. (he was a daddy's boy I quit my job back in January cause I was working 80 hours a week and I never got to see him so I said screw this all I ever get to see of him is when I would have to wake up in the morning to get ready for work I maybe would get to see him for an hour a day for a salary of 455.00 a week it wasnt worth the pain of having to never get a day off with your family. So we were together every waking minute for the last 3 months of his life so I look back at that and think I made a great decision). I think about Keagan-Emory everyday and wish he was still alive. I question why him why me but I know I never will know why. I have images in my head of lifting his pale lifeless body out of his crib that will haunt me for the rest of my life. The last four days of Keagan-Emory's life was the worst four days of mine a part of me died that day and I know I will never recover. Keagan-Emory Andrew Logsdon Daddy loves and misses you very much we will be together again someday.