mewithoutyou- real horror show
so the last to weeks i have been very busy...

went to grandmas the last couple weeks... doing some work around the house for her. its been cool. i love being there. that house is the only place i call home. everything about it... i just love. i feel at peace there. i love going in the back yard and walking through the woods and driving the golf cart around. and eating on the back porch. its just so beautigul there. and i love being in company of my grandparents... they have alot of wisdom i can learn from. and they love me... its not often i feel all that loved, ya know? well i can go on an don about that if i wanted...

but i got to see ashleigh :) i miss her sooooooo much! and i got to hang out with jen alot. we went to steves house and went to canada a couple night and hung out with chris. i met jens bf finnally and his roomate. i hung out there a couple nights as well. saw a couple shows...

my sister and i went up to mt pleasent and went thrift store shopping and hung out with aaron and moody. then i went to elyria to see troy. we didnt do much but i didnt mind. i really miss that kid... i love the way he makes me feel. i cant wait till he is back to school.... i could go on, but he might read this and i wouldnt want him to know everything im feeling ;)

anyways... yeah... good times the past 2 weeks. i really needed that

ok so lets talk about boys. i am a lonely girl these days...

i mean granted, i have been out with some nice boys... but nothing feasable. its been fun hanging out and stuff but i mean like theres no one who i really click with. and it sucks.

ill meet a boy and he either lives to far away or is taken! i mean what the fuck! just my luck... jason (snuffy) has been calling me now that hes home from school but hes up in effin mt clair. so that would just be stupid to even start anything again. plus hes going back up to school in the fall so i really dont want to do anything with him, but i think he does.

then theres matt. last summer when things didnt work out i was dissapointed. but then i got over it and we are cool now... but i know he likes me for a fact. im just not sure how much. hes a cool guy but its kinda like, once im over you... your gone forever.

and of corse travis... so awsome. we have such a good time together, especially the other weekend. but he lives in chicago so we cant start anything there. but hey, its summer, ill go out to visit and just have fun. thats what i like about him. we can just chill and fun, not be worried that we arent going to be a couple or whatever

then theyre are a couple others that ive been hanging out with... just as friends but i get the hint they want more, whick pisses me off bc i just want to be friends! ian is the only guy i can hang out with JUST as friends with no awkwardness. grrrrr

i need girl friends BAD.

so, in essance i am dating no one. no possabilities either. i am lonely. i kinda decided to go out this summer and just have fun and date. but when it comes down to it, I DONT WANT TO DATE PEROPLE. I WANT A RELATIONSHIP. I ONLY WANT 1 GUY! but i cant have so im going to try and make the best of it. the worst part is i dont even really LIKE ANYONE!

well there is one guy... but he doesnt like me anymore and has gotten over me. i think. idk... he is so confusing. i hurt him and im not sure he will ever get over it. but i miss him and i think about him alot... i wonder if he ever thinks of me. i know we are friends at least. so thats good, ill take friendship over nothing. o and i was drunk the other night and sent him a text message, revealing how i felt about him... a bit more than what i wanted to tell him...

but when he left to go home he stood me up after i did all this stuff for him and after we had an amazing night together, the night before. i was so crushed he blew me off. he didnt even call... like i was all ready to go to prom with my new dress on and my hair and make up done perfectly and a buteneir in one hand... and my date never shows so i wait by the door all night... hopeing he would come to the door. and then the next day he said the other night was a mistake, and he really didnt like me the way he said he did... OUCHH. it was like a knife through my bruised and beaten heart. that hurt alot...

but i cant say good bye. truth is i care about him. i want to make him happy, i want to be there for him, i want to show him i am not a liar and that i am trustworthy. :-/ ive grown attached to him im afraid...

i try to keep him in my as "unatainable" but in the back of my mind i wish he would come to me and say "sarah i miss you. i want to be with you when i come back, i want to kiss you, i want to snuggle with you, i want what we had once before back..."

uuuuh, well like i said. we are cool now, so one step at a time i guess. im going to see him next week. ill let him make all the moves and see if he even does make a move

idk, maybe i am being stupid and i should forget him... but i cant. and i dont want to. so ill gaurd my heart for now and take baby steps and let him make the first moves...

wow i just wrote alot about him and hes going to read and be like, "another crazy girl" lol, eh, o well... i think he knows most of this anyways

sea shanties- the pitateers
indie punk rockr: i got offered a job
MichiganModel: where
indie punk rockr: but i dont know if im going to do it yet
indie punk rockr: i'ld be a pirate
indie punk rockr: but see the thing is.... i have to get a peg leg
indie punk rockr: and i think a peg leg will make me look fat
indie punk rockr: but i get a sweet hat
MichiganModel: ahahahah
MichiganModel: are u for real man
MichiganModel: take the job
indie punk rockr: what do u think og the peg leg though?
MichiganModel: kinda sexy
MichiganModel: you can paint it
MichiganModel: sometimes
indie punk rockr: ya think so?
indie punk rockr: o man
indie punk rockr: ya, that would be tight
indie punk rockr: i didnt even think about painting it
MichiganModel: ya
MichiganModel: do u get any pets
indie punk rockr: a parrot
indie punk rockr: who sits on my sholder
MichiganModel: really
MichiganModel: i ve never heard of such a thing
MichiganModel: thats ludacris
indie punk rockr: ya, and he talks
indie punk rockr: he insultd people
MichiganModel: ge golly
indie punk rockr: insults
MichiganModel: thats awsome
indie punk rockr: and i get to say things like, arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
indie punk rockr: and wench
MichiganModel: where do u travel
indie punk rockr: the 7 seas
indie punk rockr: i'll steal some gold for you, and then we can be ballers again. like last summer
MichiganModel: well can i get a job
indie punk rockr: well, im pretty sure theyre hiring hores
indie punk rockr: whores
MichiganModel: bfb
MichiganModel: brb
MichiganModel: haha
indie punk rockr: ok
MichiganModel: so
MichiganModel: I cant belive this
MichiganModel: where did the offer this job at
indie punk rockr: well i went in and applied to pirates inc.
indie punk rockr: and the guy looked at my resume
MichiganModel: I think i'll put together a resume, and see myself in to piares inc. I've had some deck mopping experience in my day!
indie punk rockr: u know bc i have lots of experience in walking the plank, care of parrots, robbing people, and i speank pirate fluently
indie punk rockr: and hired me on the spot
indie punk rockr: ya, actually im pretty sure they neek some one to swap the deck
MichiganModel: I am Making my resume right now!!!! I think I ll even get a peg leg for the interveiw
MichiganModel: OK all THAT IS GOING ON MY PROFILE
indie punk rockr: lol
MichiganModel: BRB
indie punk rockr: ok
indie punk rockr: i get my treasure map today
indie punk rockr: and im learning some sea shanties and drunken hymns to sing on the open sea
MichiganModel: ahahhaha
indie punk rockr: what arrrrrrrrrrrrrr you doing
indie punk rockr: sounds good huh?

breath on me- brittney spears
wow. what an amazing few days. so tuesday i went over to my grandmas. my grandpa and i went to the driving range and messed around on the golf carts. good times. then my grandma took me to this mediteranian restraunt. it was so fucking good. omg... yum. i ate so much, brushetta, bread, ravioli, cheese cake, salad... ahhh. just gained like 10 lbs. lol. then i spent the night there.

then wedsday i went swimming with the little sisters and my brother. and my aunt paula came with her kids. it was fun. good times. carson loves the water, i took him in the pool and he did really good. sooooo cute.

then my sister and i primped for the show... story of the year. it was so nice out side we went for a cruiz first... haha, first cruiz of the year! well anyways, then we met up with moody and aaron.

and wow..... i didnt realize how much i missed those kids. god i fucking love them. really i do. moody has just been so awsome the past few months. we got so close. hes litterally the only one whos been here for me. and i havent seen them since halloween! way to long... but i think im going to see them this weekend. <333 and may 14 they have a show! so it'll be sweet. im excited

i miss them so much i cried driving home :(

memory- sugarcult
Infinitely postulating in the relentless multitude of recomposition, severed off from needed nourishment, just like all who have come before, the cycle has repeated it’s self, and it has engulfed another blank unthought moment, finding sanctuary in regurgitated dreams, does not live up to the fulfillment that was promised, and once again I find my self pulling out eyelashes, resting them on the tip of my index finger, only to wish that it would come true, with one brisk breeze from my lips, if only that eyelash knew how important this one was, hell if only it knew, brilliant in thought, but milled down in times of need, my eyelash needs to be more powerful, but how, I remind my self of what has gone on, and can’t help but feel at a loss, it is the strength of hurt that allows us to feel forgiveness, but my eyelash does not fathom this, and I can’t seem to move past this, so I am void of the needed nourishment, and thrown in to the multitude of routine, and have nothing more then an eyelash, and a wish, and the pounding feeling of life.

mad world- gary jules
here's a story for the kids. it's rather depressing, yet halarious...

so yesterday was going to be a good day. troy was riding with me to cleveland, so i wouldnt have to make the hour and a half ride alone, finish my tattoo, then see my chemical romance for free.

then larson realized his coupon thingy was for the after show, so we had to pay for the tickets. so no one wanted to go. o well, not a huge deal...

so i'm driving to cleveland to finish my tat. when i went to cleveland last saturday i got a flat, but i got it patched, so i was all good. then when i'm about 30-45 minutes down the turnpike my tire blows up. great. so i pull on over to the sholder. i have no clue on how to change a tire, so i call my dad and he comes to help me.

so an hour later he gets there. when i got my tire patched they used a machine to put on and take off the bolt thingys so they were on SUPER tight. and they stipped my key. so we couldnt get it off.

so we get off the next exit to buy a new key. no place sells them. so we go to the dealership, and they have to order a new one, which will take a week. but they tell my dad to use this one tool to get it off.

so we're driving back home to get my dads tools and his engine starts to make a weird noise. then it starts to smoke. and then it just dies. in the middle of no where ohio. his engine is shot... radiator fluid everywhere... ya. then my firend steve comes and picks us up, my dads car is towed, and we go home.

then we go back to my car and as soon as my dad steps out of the car it starts to pour rain.




yeah... awsome huh?

sad mafiso- godspeed you black emporer!
me and ashleigh are fucking sweet

XstarXviciousX: michigan u bartend at 18
BrwnIdGrl618: yah i know
BrwnIdGrl618: aaron and i were thinkin bout takin a class
XstarXviciousX: have you ever had oriental flavered ramen noodles
BrwnIdGrl618: nope lauren prolly has though
BrwnIdGrl618: why?
XstarXviciousX: bc we have shrimp flavered and oriental flavered
BrwnIdGrl618: oh ok
XstarXviciousX: and i dont like shrimp
BrwnIdGrl618: hahaha
XstarXviciousX: y the fuck do we have shrimp ramen noodles
BrwnIdGrl618: i dont know sarah
XstarXviciousX: WHY ASHLEIGH
XstarXviciousX: you bought them
XstarXviciousX: didnt you
BrwnIdGrl618: I DONT KNOW >:o
XstarXviciousX: haha, the face
BrwnIdGrl618: THE PRESSSURE I CANT TAKE IT >:o
BrwnIdGrl618: hahaha
BrwnIdGrl618: i know it cracks me up ever time
BrwnIdGrl618: its so angry
BrwnIdGrl618: >:o
XstarXviciousX: its ligit too, like u feel the anger
BrwnIdGrl618: crackin up ova here
XstarXviciousX: so i bought this starburt lip gloss, it smells so good
BrwnIdGrl618: sweet
XstarXviciousX: ya, they have all this candy make up, its so cool
BrwnIdGrl618: ouch i just hurt my eye
XstarXviciousX: i was excited
XstarXviciousX: ouch
XstarXviciousX: lol
BrwnIdGrl618: ouch
XstarXviciousX: itch it
BrwnIdGrl618: i hurt it
BrwnIdGrl618: i poked it
BrwnIdGrl618: poked is a funny word
XstarXviciousX: it is
BrwnIdGrl618: poked hahahaha
XstarXviciousX: poked
XstarXviciousX: pokey
XstarXviciousX: pokey little puppy
BrwnIdGrl618: wow we are gettin outta control
XstarXviciousX: POKEY LITTLE PUPPY, BIATCH!
BrwnIdGrl618: gotta put the fave
BrwnIdGrl618: face
XstarXviciousX: o man... its gettin crazy up in her!
XstarXviciousX: >:o
BrwnIdGrl618: hahahahaha
BrwnIdGrl618: there we go
XstarXviciousX: >:o
BrwnIdGrl618: can you picture the noise that guy makes... hahaha i can
BrwnIdGrl618: mahhh
BrwnIdGrl618: >:omahhhh
XstarXviciousX: if it could talk, it would say:YOUR GONNA START SHIT ... AND IM GONNA FINISH IT WITH MY FIST IN YOUR FACE AND YOUR FUCKIN SHITTY STILLETO UP YOUR ASS! FUCK YOU BITCH!
BrwnIdGrl618: no it wouldnt
BrwnIdGrl618: dont lie
BrwnIdGrl618: it would say
BrwnIdGrl618: :
BrwnIdGrl618: MAHHHHH
BrwnIdGrl618: :-Dthis guy would say : man am i fucked up
XstarXviciousX: :-Xthis one would say anything bc its held hostage
XstarXviciousX: wouldnt say anything
BrwnIdGrl618: hahaha
BrwnIdGrl618: yeah

so im fucking emo again tonight...

i feel so dumb. everytime i start to trust someone they pull away. why is it i deserve no one? not even a friend? im so sick of being alone.

i dont know how to read you troy.......
i feel like you never miss me and you dont care if im there or not. like im just something to do. if i were to leave would it phase you? you dont try at all. im the only one putting anything into this. you know i dont want a bf... and im not asking for anything like that. all i want is you to show some affection. tell me how you feel about me.

im pretty sure you dont really like me anymore.




i wish you could just say it if you dont

Cuidado con mi corazon, Me siento algo desnudo Cuidado es mi corazon, mi corazon. Cuidado con mi corazon, Carino no me lastimes Cuidado es mi corazon Mi corazon

livin la vida loca- ricky martin
ya so last night....

i didnt go to bed the other night bc i was up late and byt he time i was going to sleep, i had to be up in an hour. so i stayed awake and went to cleveland to finish my tat. so i get there, and i have a flat tire... sweet. we go to a tattoo party were everyone was smokeing so much cigarettes and pot it was digusting. my eyes burned from all the smoke. it sucked. so then we got back to his house at 4:30 and fixed my tire... by the time i left it was 8. so i didnt go to bed again. 2 fucking days. i am so annoyed...


o, and i didnt get my tattoo finished! grrrr



<3 im off to bed..

janet jackson- go deep
remember how you held me when i was so upset i couldn't see straight? remember how you brushed the hair out of my eyes and kissed my forehead? remember sharing our stories of heartbreak with each other, helping each other heal? remember lying there, listening to a song we both loved, and saying that at the exact same moment? remember laughing together and remembering and crying together? remember how we fell asleep in each other's arms, mid-sentence, after talking all night? remember you said you would always catch me?

i miss your arms, your hands, your eyes...the silent strength you had in such quantities, the feeling that i was always safe with you. i miss knowing i had a place to cry, and it was your shoulder. i miss being with you and being happy in silence. i miss talking until 5am. i miss the butterflies i would get when you picked me up and swung me around in an exhuberant hug. i miss your smile and how it lit up your whole face.

( can you sleep as the sound hits your ears? )

i heard it today...on a cd i made when you left, a cd i impulsively grabbed before leaving the house...i forgot what was on it...driving through the rain tonight to an empty house was lonely enough, without you singing along, it was unbearable....

i thought i'd left you behind...i'd moved on...you were only in a tiny piece of my mind, somewhere in the back...hearing that brought a million more parts of you rushing back, overwhelming my already hurting heart...was it the rain? the song? is it because it's spring once again? why did you come back to haunt me again?

i'll always be grateful for the way you treated me..i'll always remember those caring things you said, and i'll always know that i'm who i am, partly because of you...

but i can't forget the way you hurt me, the way you made me cry...the trip home crying...the way it took me years to trust again....

after all this time, i thought i was okay...i was wrong. but soon, i will be okay again.

please, if you love me at all, get out of my head. get out of my heart. and give me back my memories...i've left too much with you.