Author's Note: If you hate Riley, READ THIS CHAPTER. Just a hint of lovely things to come... ^_^

Previously: Buffy and Spike fell in love under Jonathan's spell. Then it got broken. Now they're in love, but they're both too stubborn to admit it to each other. But Buffy told Willow, and Spike told Xander and Anya -- because Xander's really, really cool in this story. Riley, however, is being the assholic bastard that he always was but Joss conveniently 'forgot' about in 'As You Were'. Buffy's so not interested in him any more, though, especially since he shot her while she was under the spell...

“…And she’s been all mopey ever since,” Willow concluded, eating another bite of her pancakes.

“Maybe you should have stayed with her,” Xander suggested, wolfing down his sausages as he did so. “We could have rescheduled the whole weekly breakfast thing…”

“Nah, she’s OK,” Willow reassured him. “Besides, she’s meeting Riley for coffee this morning.”

“So soon?” Xander asked in surprise. “She sure got over Spike fast. Now I feel really sorry for the guy…”

“Oh no,” Willow batted her hand in the air dismissively. “This is the break-up conversation.”

“Buff’s breaking up with Psycho Soldier Boy?” Xander’s eyes widened in surprise. “Yes! About time!” He pumped his arms in the air in victory.

Willow nodded. “I’m with you on this one. Riley’s so…”

“Boring? Bland? Dull? Militaristic? Momma’s boy?” Xander suggested in rapid succession.

Willow laughed. “On the nose,” she agreed. Then she sighed. “I feel really sorry for Buffy, though. She misses Spike so much…”

“Yeah, well, it’s more than mutual,” Xander informed her. “I swear I thought Spike was actually going to cry there for a minute.”

“She’s just so worried about the Slayer/Vampire thing,” Willow said sadly. “She feels like being involved with him would be a violation of her sacred duty or something…”

“Exactly the same with Spike,” Xander agreed before frowning slightly, “…or exactly the opposite. Like it would violate his satanic duty instead.”

“They’re being stupid,” Willow decided.

“Oh yeah,” Xander agreed. “I mean, if they’re stuck working together and all…might as well try it out at least, right?”

She nodded. “But Buffy’s too stubborn to change her mind.”

“And so is Spike.”

“Argh! They’re annoying…stubborn people!”

“Maybe they need a little help,” Xander said with a wry smile, spearing the last sausage with his fork for emphasis…

“Hey,” Riley’s face lit up when she settled down in the seat across from him. “How are you doing today?”

Buffy managed a tight smile. “All right,” she said vaguely, gesturing for the waitress to come over and take her order.

Riley watched her nervously fiddle with her napkin as she ordered her coffee and decided that the horrors of being forced to be that thing’s sex slave were even worse than he had at first imagined. But it was all right. He would help her through this and bring her back into the purity of the light and they could be happy there forever, just like before.

“Do you want me to kill him?” he whispered conspiratorially when the waitress had gone.

Buffy’s face turned ashen white. “N-No…” she stuttered, her heart aching at the mere thought of a world without Spike. “No!” she repeated more vehemently, angry now. “Don’t you dare touch him! He’s mine!”

“I understand,” Riley nodded solemnly. “You need to kill him yourself. That’s actually a good idea. It will break any lingering hold he has over you.” He squeezed her hand gently.

Buffy jerked it back as if it had been stung. “I’m not going to kill Spike,” she said in disbelief.

Riley frowned at this. He’d heard of the Stockholm Syndrome – the tendency of victims to sympathize with their attackers – but he’d never seen it before. “Why not?” he demanded casually, hoping to draw her back into the proper state of mind.

“He didn’t do anything wrong, for one,” Buffy shook her head. “Why would I want to kill him now?”

“How about because he raped you?” he hissed in a low whisper, beginning to get a bit angry at her foolishness now.

“He didn’t rape me!” Buffy whispered as well, not wanting anyone to overhear this. “I consented. He consented. We were both more than willing. There was nothing rape-like about it!”

Riley nodded. “Yeah, I can see how it might seem that way,” he informed her, “but it’s all right. There was a spell involved. It’s OK to say that you revoke your consent now that you’re in your right mind…”

“What?!” Buffy was outraged now. “Haven’t you been listening to anything I’ve been saying?!” she demanded. “I wanted to sleep with him. If anyone’s revoking consent after the fact, it’s him!”

“Buffy, you don’t really mean that,” Riley insisted, grabbing hold of her wrist and holding it tight. “You’ve made a good first step by coming to me for help, but you have to let go and admit that your…dealings with that creature were wrong. You can talk to me, really. I know that it wasn’t your fault, so I’m not going to look down on you for what happened.”

“Look down on me?!” Buffy snatched her wrist from his grasp, needing every bit of her Slayer strength to do so. “How dare you! There was nothing sick or wrong about us!” she practically screamed. “We were very much in love. More than I was ever in love with you, that’s for sure! And I didn’t meet with you to discuss this anyway. My relationship with Spike is so not your business…”

“It’s very much my business,” Riley hissed, standing up as well and grabbing hold of her arm. “I’m your boyfriend, remember? And given that I caught you screwing another guy, I think I’ve been very reasonable so far!”

By now the entire coffee shop was staring at the shouting match before them in rapt fascination.

“Yeah, well,” Buffy said, her voice cold as ice, “that brings me to what I came here for anyway. You know that whole ‘being my boyfriend’ thing? Well, you’re not anymore. It’s over. I don’t know what I saw in you in the first place.”

All the heads in the room looked over to Riley in unison.

Riley stood there in shock for a minute before his face turned livid with rage. “Oh, that’s it, huh? Taking the coward’s way out again? You’re just afraid because you know I can’t really love you after the way you defiled yourself with that monster!”

Back to Buffy again.

“God, you are such a bigot!” Buffy exclaimed. “You know, I’d thought this would be hard, but you’re making it sooo easy. I never want to see you again, Riley!”

Simultaneous head turns to Riley.

“You’re…sick!” he hissed. “You need serious help—”

“The only perverse thing I’ve ever done was get involved with you!”

“You’re just trying to cover so you won’t get hurt!”

“You’re so full of yourself, you didn’t even notice I was unhappy!”

“You’re afraid of intimacy, is your problem!”

“Yeah, I’m afraid of intimacy!” she exclaimed. “As long as it consists of lying under a smothering body that grunts like a pig and then having to go and get myself off in the shower afterwards!”

The heads in the room ping-ponged back to Riley and found him stunned speechless.

“The night Spike and I made love,” Buffy informed him slowly and clearly, “was the best of my life. And you know what it made me realize?”

He shook his head dumbly.

“It made me realize that I don’t have to settle for the likes of you anymore,” she hissed. “You’re the one that needs help here, Riley. You get so jealous you shoot me, then threatened to kill the man I love, and you expect me to be grateful that you forgive me?! You’re sick…”

And with that she stomped out of the café.

Riley stood there in absolute shock for a few minutes before he realized that everyone was staring at him. “Don’t you people have more important things to do?!” he yelled before stomping out himself.

Buffy needed help, dammit! And he was going to make sure she got it…

“Ouch,” Willow flinched as Buffy finished her recap of her argument with Riley.

“Oh, he deserved every word of it!” Buffy scowled, still furious with her ex.

Willow nodded. “He sounds very…dense.”

“Dense,” Buffy sighed. “It’s like he was living in his own little fantasy world, Will. Where I was some pure, innocent little virgin who was spoiled by the dark lord, and he was the knight in shinning armor that saved me and took me back anyway. And he thinks I have mental problems? Life isn’t a fairytale, dammit!”

“Yeah, well, Riley’s kind of…clueless,” Willow shrugged. “Not to mention oblivious. Even Xander saw the imminence of your break-up.”

“Ugh!” Buffy let out one last expression of disgust. “Well, at least it’s over now…”

“Yeah,” Willow said with a sly smile, “you’re officially allowed to check out other people now. Definitely of the good…”

“Not for a long, long time,” Buffy insisted. “Especially since there’s already…” She trailed off, her cheeks flushing slightly.

“Someone you’re in love with?” Willow finished for her.

“Yes… No! I mean, not love, ‘cause you know I’m the Slayer and I can’t,” Buffy quickly covered. “But…definitely not wanting to look at non-Spike guys right now…”

“Looking at guys doesn’t necessarily imply looking at non-Spike guys,” Willow pointed out. “You could look at non-non-Spike guys…” Then she shook her head at how contorted that sounded. “I mean, you could look at Spike, Buffy. Maybe he’s not so adverse to the idea as you think…”

“Another vampire?” Buffy let out a deep sigh. “It won’t work, Wills. Angel and I already proved that.”

“No,” Willow said, getting mildly annoyed with her best friend’s pig-headedness, “you and Angel just proved that the two of you wouldn’t work. You can’t apply you situation with Angel to Spike. They’re totally different people!”

“But I’m still the Slayer and he’s still a vampire,” she insisted. “It’s not meant to be…”

“Then why are you in love with him?” Willow retorted.

“Bad luck,” Buffy sulked.

Willow let out a sigh of exasperation. “Will you at least talk to him?” she pleaded. “I mean, I’m sure there’s stuff you two have to work out still… Non-romantic stuff,” she quickly amended off of Buffy’s look.

“Well…” Buffy began hesitantly, “I never did give him the money I promised…or the chair…” A slight smile quirked up on the edges of her lips over this excuse to see Spike again.

“Chair?” Willow asked, confused.

“Long story,” Buffy waved one hand in the air dismissively.

“See?” Willow prodded. “You really should take care of your unfinished business. It is part of your Slayer duty, and all that.”

“Maybe you’re right, Will,” Buffy said, biting her lower lip in that way that Spike loved, “maybe you’re right.”

“And, if nothing else,” Willow said with a small smile, “you’re done with Riley for good.”

Buffy couldn’t help but smile at this.

However, as if to contradict this statement, the phone abruptly rang…

“Spike!” Anya squealed in surprise when the vampire snuck up behind her Giles’ apartment. “Don’t do that!”

He quirked an eyebrow in her direction and began rummaging through the fridge.

“And what are you doing here?” she demanded. “You’re Spike. You don’t live here anymore. You’re supposed to be not here. You’re supposed to be in your crypt!”

Spike sighed in annoyance and grabbed a bag of chips to accompany the garlic dip he’d stolen from the Watcher’s fridge. “Rupert around?” he demanded, flopping back onto the sofa and grabbing the remote.

Anya frowned. “He’s away doing something that doesn’t involve orgasms,” she explained. “There’s garlic in that,” she added helpfully.

Spike took a defiant bite anyway.

“Back in the 1500s I knew this vamp that could eat garlic raw,” Anya continued to babble on. “It was actually quite impressive. It doesn’t bother some vampires much at all, you know.”

“I hadn’t noticed,” Spike said sarcastically, munching on a large bite of garlic and chip.

Anya seemed oblivious to his sarcasm. “Well, as long as it doesn’t kill you, I guess it’s not a problem,” she concluded. “And why are you here? You shouldn’t be here because Xander’s not, so he can’t be here to tell you why you’re stupid…”

“What?!” Spike exclaimed, hearing the catch phrase in her speech.

“…Of course, knowing Xander, he probably wouldn’t be able to say it well, anyway,” Anya rambled on. “He’d do that weird thing that he informs me is manly where he ‘hems’ and ‘haws’ a lot and never gets anything that’s necessary said. How does one manage to be manly and ever have a conversation that way?” she abruptly demanded of Spike.

“Huh?” he was now thoroughly baffled. “What’re you talkin’ about?”

“I’m talking about the fact that Xander’s trying to inform you that you’re an idiot for not going up to Buffy and asking for more orgasms from her,” she patiently explained, “but he can’t do it because it’s not ‘manly’…and he’s not here,” she conceded, “but that part’s not intentional.”

All Spike managed to catch was the fact that the words ‘Buffy’ and ‘orgasms’ had appeared in the same sentence. His mind had been in a happy place after that point, and he’d entirely missed the former vengeance demon’s point. Again.

“Huh?” he repeated.

“Interesting,” Anya commented. “It seems that being ‘manly’ also consists of not hearing vital information about how to acquire orgasms. I would think that ‘manly’ instincts would automatically seek out any such information…”

“How do I get orgasms now?” Spike’s interest was definitely peaked.

“You go up to Buffy and explain that you still want to copulate with her ever though the spell is over,” Anya explained. “Then you both remove your clothing, and you insert your penis into her—”

“I know that part,” Spike cut her off, miraculously finding himself embarrassed at the complete bluntness of this woman. Maybe Harris wasn’t such a complete pansy after all if he could handle this.

“Well, you obviously need some instruction,” Anya shrugged. “Otherwise you and Buffy would be naked and climaxing right now. I honestly can’t see why you’d both choose not to have sex. It’s making you both mopey and depressed. Unless… Is this some sort of foreplay I don’t know about yet?” she asked curiously.

The chip Spike had been biting into went down the wrong way, and he began coughing in earnest. Anya helped him by hitting him on the back several times.

“Maybe I should try it,” she finally decided. “Perhaps orgasms are more satisfying when one has to wait for them. I have noticed that I tend to climax harder when—”

“’ll come back later when the Watcher’s ‘ere,” Spike cut her off once again. “Nice, er…talkin’ to you.” He practically fled out the door.

“He really is very nice for a vampire,” Anya commented to herself, sitting down in the spot he’d vacated, taking up his bag of chips, and switching channels on the television. “I hope he gets the sexual release he needs soon…”

Buffy flung the door open wide, causing it to crash against the wall with a hard bang. The abrupt disruption of the silence caused the room’s only occupant to flinch at the loud noise.

“We need to have a nice, long talk,” Buffy declared in a no-nonsense manner, stalking over to him, her fists clenched tightly at her sides as she did so.

He inched backwards almost unconsciously.

“I broke up with one Riley Finn earlier this morning,” she began. “He was clingy, boring, and jealous to the point of abusive – although I fortunately never had to experience the full side-effects of that last one. Our relationship didn’t work. It just didn’t. He wasn’t what I wanted, and I wasn’t the meek little girl he needed.” She began pacing back and forth as she spoke. “So I just happened to run across the perfect guy. We hit it off right off the bat. We fell in love almost instantly. Can you guess who this guy was?”

A numb shake of the head.

“Someone Riley hates very, very much. Someone who’s er…ethnic background Riley looks down upon,” she clarified, stomping back over to the door.

She turned back once more to face the frightened counselor.

“So when ‘a concerned student’ says that I’ve been raped and am self destructive, that just means that he’s jealous and over-possessive. You want to put someone through counseling, I suggest you take a good, long look at Riley Finn,” she finished before slamming the door shut behind her.

The stunned counselor sat there in amazement for a second before taking the obviously self-assured and empowered woman’s advice and adding Riley’s name to the list of students to keep an eye on…

Heh-heh-heh... Buffy and Spike still don't meet. Fooled you with the last scene, though. Bet you thought it was Spike's crypt, huh? Isn't it cool how I get to start up the UST all over again? Isn't it totally evil? But Anya is awesome -- both in this in the actual show. Dude, I love Anya. Xander ditching her at the altar was the dumbest, most soap-oprah-ish thing ever. OK, I'm rambling now, but please review! (Yes, I am hyper beyond belief right now...)