Mood:
This is a rant of sorts so I will understand if you don’t read it. But sometimes it helps me to get the words out. My husband has been great about it but he is always trying to fix it and he is often off the mark. But I do love him for trying.
My mother had called me Friday on the verge of tears. She and my Aunt Buddie had a falling out and she just needed some advice and someone to talk to.
For those of you just tuning in…we had to place my 98 year old great aunt into an assisted living facility. She had fallen 5 times in a 2 month period and we were worried that her next fall would put her in a nursing home with a broken hip. Of course, Aunt Buddie being the independent, stubborn person she is, didn’t want to go in “a home” so she fought it every step of the way and proceeded to make everyone’s life miserable.
At Thanksgiving when I was taking Aunt Buddie back to assisted living, she stated that she wanted to go home to her cottage and have Homecare. Mom and I discussed it and Mom agreed to look into it. We were hoping that it might maker her happy. Mom found a wonderful agency that agreed to come in for 4 hours everyday. It was a bit pricey but her insurance would cover most of it.
So that brings us to Friday. Mom got a called from the nursing agency and saying that Aunt Buddie had canceled their services. Then she gets a call from Aunt B who proceeded to yell at mom stating that she heard from the cleaning lady that someone had taken off her shower doors and put of a shower curtain which she didn’t want. Mom tired to tell her that she had never authorized that but Aunt B would hear none of it. She stated that Mom needed to butt out that she could take care of herself. Mom said fine. That the deal was that she could go home with nursing care and since she had canceled that and apparently can do for herself she could get herself home from the assisted living facility that mom was done with this. Aunt Buddie then hung up to phone.
When I got home from work that night I decided to call my great aunt to see if I could smooth things over. She immediately started in with how the last month has been hell for her and that she was finally going home on Saturday. I said I had just gotten off the phone with a mother in tears and there was a brief moment that she seemed sorry that she had made mom so upset. But it was only a brief moment. She started in with how mom was trying to kill her and take all her money. She said mom was being unreasonable and that she was just trying to stick her in a home so she didn’t’ have to worry with her. I tried to stay calm but she continued to say horrible things about mom and I eventually lost my temper and fired back at her. I told her that Mom had ALWAYS been there for her. Every time she called, Mom rushed over there. She traveled the 50 miles round trip and gave up social engagements so that she could tend to her needs and never asked for a dime in compensation. I said that if Mom truly didn’t care about her that she would have stuck her in a state run nursing home and just walked away. Instead she tried to find her a great facility and that she had never given it a chance. I said that Mom could have just left her there and gone on with her life but she continued to come over and she took all the verbal abuse Aunt B could dish out at her. I stated that she herself told me that she wanted home care so that is what Mom got for her. Aunt Buddie tried to stop me and said it was too expensive and I chimed in with the fact that her insurance pays most of it. The more I talked the angrier I became and the more unreasonable she became. When I finally told her that she was acting like a child she stated that she didn’t need anyone that she could take care of herself and she hung up. I was going to call back but thought in my mood it wasn’t a good idea.
So on Saturday I waited to hear something from Mom but never did. I started to write a letter to Aunt Buddie but every time I would start writing I would get angry and I didn’t want the letter to come from a hostile place. I wanted it to show how much I was hurt by her recent attitude and hope that she would one day see reason. I am hoping that tonight I can remain calm and finish the letter.
I did talk to Mom yesterday who sounded awful. She has been in bed sick since Friday. She said some friends had gone over to check on Aunt Buddie and that her hairdresser’s sister had moved in with her. I don’t know anything about the woman except for the fact that she has a home and a husband in Delaware so not exactly sure how long she is staying or even how long Aunt Buddie will put up with someone in her house. Right now mom and she are not on speaking terms and I know mom plans to write a letter. I hate to see things so strained between them because they have always had a good relationship.
I just don’t now where to go from here. I haven’t a clue how to make this right. How to get mom and her talking again. Should I trust this person who has moved in with her? What happens if they rob her blind? The whole thing just makes me uneasy.
Well thanks for letting me rant. I am keeping my fingers crossed that everything gets sort out by Christmas. I would hate for her to miss Naomi’s first Christmas.
Post Comment | View Comments (3) | Permalink | Share This Post


