Horse Sense

Title: Horse Sense
Author/pseudonym: Captain Outrageous
E-mail address: wildeskind@surfree.com
Rating: G
Status: Finished!
Parts: 1
Date: November 10, 1999
Archive: Yes
Series/Sequel: Horseplay (1/2)
Website: www.angelfire.com/md/wildchild/fanfic.html

Warnings: None. It's wouldn't be fun that way.
Conventions: I use / / to mean when someone is thinking.
Disclaimer: I don't own the guys, I just torture them every once in a while.
Summary: Blair is having a bad hair day and it's all Jim's fault.
Beta Credit:

Jim patted his jacket pockets. Keys, tickets, wallet all accounted for. Just one thing missing...

"Sandburg, I am not going to be late for the Jags' final playoff game just because you're having a bad hair day. Put a hat on and let's get going."

Blair stuck his head out of the bathroom door, his expression simutaneously woebegone and harrassed. If they weren't already ten minutes late getting out the door Jim would have smiled. Dark curls stuck out at odd angles from his partner's head. It looked like Blair had stuck his hand in an electrical outlet. Well, that was close to the truth.

"Jim, I wouldn't be having a bad hair day if it wasn't for you. You were the one who decided that we were going horseback riding today. You were the one who insisted we walk out into the field afterwards to feed our horses apples. 'They're harmless' you said. 'Say calm and you'll be alright.'" A slender hand waved wildly around his head. "Look what happened!"

Jim sighed. "You would've been okay, Blair, they were only curious. I've known Tom's horses for years. All you had to do was stand still, hold out your hands and a show them that you didn't have any apples."

Blair's head disappeared back into the bathroom. Jim heard a pop and then the squish of hair gel being squeazed out of a container. The lid was popped back on. It clattered as it was dropped back onto the counter.

Blair appeared back at the door, his hands squishing the gel. "But we did have apples, in our pockets! You, of all people, should know they would have been able to smell them. They were all over me with those big heads, trying to figure out where I had hid mine. The first one was okay, but when the others started homing in on us, I knew they were going to trample us!" He ran his hands through his hair with short brusque movements, leaving broad streaks of dark sticky hair. This time, Jim did grin.

"Trust me, Blair, they weren't going to trample you. And they couldn't have smelled an apple from that far away. I don't remember them coming at us like that."

A brush resembling a medievil torture device appeared in Blair's hand. He pulled it through his hair with ruthless determination. "Jim, there is nothing you can say to convince me I was not in mortal danger. I was there, I saw the herd coming for me. I can't believe you didn't see hungry glint in their eyes. The whole herd was after that one apple. It wasn't going to work."

Jim jangled the keys in his pocket and looked at his watch. They were now fifteen minutes late. "There was no hungry glint, Blair. They were in a whole field of grass. It must have been the sun reflecting off their eyes. And five horses aren't that many, Blair."

Blair waved his brush at him. "One horse is too many. You just stood there and let them chase me." Jim straightened up.

"Whoa, Chief, now wait a minute, I didn't let them chase you. If you had stayed behind me, like I told you to, they wouldn't have followed you. And running away like that only encouraged them."

"They didn't need any encouragement. They already had their eyes locked on target. Come hell or high water, they were determined to get that juicy apple in my pocket. You know the apple, right? The one you gave me? "

Jim sighed. Blair's hair looked moderately better. On the plus side, it wasn't sticking out in all directions. On the minus side, It looked like someone had ironed his hair flat on the top of his head and had forgotten the ends. Definately a hat day.

"Blair, horses are not predators, they're prey. They act like prey. They don't hunt unsuspecting humans with apples. They could NOT smell that apple in your pocket from 10 yards away. They were just friendly and were coming over to say hi."

Blair popped back into the bathroom and back out again, minus the brush. He hurried into his bedroom.

Tapping his foot, Jim waited impatiently for Blair to get his act together. Blair burst out of his room wearing a Jags jacket, a matching cap clenched firmly in his teeth as he deftly tied back his hair with a hair band. Blair settled the cap firmly on his head.

/Finally!/ Jim held open the front door for him. "So tell me Sandburg, at what point did you decided climbing an electric fence bare handed was less dangerous then facing five hungry horses? You could have just thrown the apple away."

Blair blue eyes flashed with indignation. "For the last time, I was NOT trying to climb the fence. They cornered me and I backed into it. That's what happened. And if you say otherwise..."

Jim locked the door and started down the hallway. "Okay, okay, so you weren't trying to climb the fence." Jim chuckled. "You should have seen your face when you hit it, though. I think you even scared the horses."

Blair grumbled as he slunk beside his roommate. "Fine by me, as long as they keep their distance. Why does Tom have the juice turned up so high on that fence, anyway? It felt like I WAS kicked by a horse."

Slinging his arm around the younger man, Jim gave his partner's sore shoulders a squeeze. "I guess horses just have thicker skin then you do, Chief. Now come on, we're going to miss the first quarter."

As they drove to the game, his words repeated themselves over and over in Blair's head. 'Going to miss the first quarter ... horses have thicker skin.' /We'll see who has the thicker skin, Mr. Equestrian. We'll see./

The End.

Go here to see Blair's revenge on Jim in Caesar Rodney Rides Again.

Comments, Criticisms??? Email me at wildeskind@surfree.com. I can take them!!

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