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A Halloween Story
A man was walking home alone late one night when he hears a BUMP... BUMP...
BUMP... behind him.
Walking faster he looks back, and barely makes out in the dim light the
image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street
towards him.
BUMP.........BUMP......... BUMP.........
Terrified, the man begins to run towards his home, the coffin bouncing
quickly behind him ... coming faster... and faster...
BUMP.. BUMP... BUMP...BUMP...BUMP
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes
in,
slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the coffin keeps coming ... crashes through his door, and, with
the lid of the coffin clapping ...
clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP... clappity- BUMP...
It keeps on the heels of the terrified man. Rushing upstairs to the bathroom,
the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling;
his breath coming in rapid sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the coffin breaks down the door, bumping and
clapping towards him.
The man screams and desperately reaches for ... something, ... anything
...
... but all he can find is a box of cough drops!
In a desperate frenzy, he throws the cough drops at the coffin ...
and of course, the coffin stops!
Don't Drink and Fly
A Night on the Town
Three vampires went into a bar and sat down.
The barmaid came over to take their orders.
"And what would you, er, gentlemen like tonight?"
The first vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood."
The second vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood."
The third vampire shook his head at his companions and said, "I will
have a glass of plasma."
The barmaid wrote down each order, went to the bar and called to the
bartender, "Two bloods and a blood light."
Sad News
Its always difficult to bring sad news, but I thought you should know:
Today, there was a great loss in the entertainment world. The man who
wrote the song "Hokey Pokey" died.
What was really horrible was that they had trouble keeping his body
in the casket.
They'd put his left leg in and... well, you know the rest.
The Transylvania Twist
Bob Hill and his new wife, Betty, were vacationing in Europe, as it
happens, near Transylvania. They were driving in a rental car along a
rather deserted highway. It was late, and raining very hard. Bob could
barely see 10 feet in front of the car. suddenly the car skids out of
control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves
and smashes into a tree.
Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks
over at the passenger seat and sees his new wife unconscious, with her
head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows
he has to carry her to the nearest phone.
Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road, After
a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming
from an old, large house. He approaches the door and knocks.
A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately
blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty. We've
been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can
I please use your phone??
"I'm sorry," replied the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. My master
is a doctor; come in and I will get him."
Bob brings his wife in. An elegant man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid
my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist.
However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had a basic
medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the
laboratory."
With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob
following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses
from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining
table.
After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried. "things are
serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work feverishly,
but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more.
The Hills' deaths upset Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the
steps to his conservatory, which houses his pipe organ. For it is here
that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost
haunting, melody fills the house.
Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. As the music fills the
lab, his eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty Hill's
hand twitch. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise! He is furthur
amazed as Betty sits straight up!
Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory.
He bursts in and shouts to his master:
"Master, Master!.......The Hills are alive with the sound of music!"
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