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(March 21-April 19) You will be overly impressed by a commercial for a golf club, which describes it as a "weapon of incredible range and power." You will make people nervous by referring to your pencil as "a weapon of incredible pointiness and surprise."


(April 20-May 20) An elderly Chinese gentleman will drop by for a visit. You'll spend the entire visit in complete silence, except for the occasional clink of a teacup and a saucer.


(May 21-June 20) In an attempt to simplify your life, you will discard all of your footwear. Later you will regret this, but will be too proud to admit it.


(June 21-July 22) It will turn out that someone you spend a great deal of time with is actually one of the last remaining Sinanthropus (Peking man), rather that an actual CroMagnon. This will explain things you've been wondering about.


(July 23-August 22) People will begin complimenting you on how clean you are. You will find this strangely irritating.


(August 23-September 22) The world will be dim and grey, and cold. Carrion crows will caw at you from the edges of the world, and deep cold water will rush by rivers without names. Ahead, on a glimmering golden light. Either that or you'll get gum stuck to your shoe. (Sometimes these things are hard to read.)


(September 22-October 22) You will descover that your sixth hour teacher was frequently taunted with a rubber chicken during his/her formative years. This will go a long ways towards explaining some of the things you'd been wondering about him/her.


(October 23-November 21) Tomorrow is a good day to wear your lucky Rocketship underwear. Try not to leap into rooms while shouting "Hark!" however.


(November 22-December 21) If your stars align, you may be heading for Disney Land where you could have a strange encounter with Abe Lincoln's long lost brother Eba. Or you could not...who's to say.


(December 22-January20) Remember: Unexpressed feelings don't di. Tey are buried alive and emerge later as Border Collies. So don't hold anything back! Tell everyone what you REALLY think of them! You may lose your job, family and friends, but you wont have a crazed, hyperactive animal hounding your every step.


(January 21-February 18) Do not fear, this is going to be a great month for you. You will discover an old He-Man toy who will come alive to purge the world of evil.


(February 19-March 20) You must seize the oppertunity that presents itself today, no matter what the consequences may be. Remember: opportunity knocks but once, and absolutely refuses to ring the doorbell.

Copyright notice: These Horiscopes are the proporty of Echoes Clarkston High School student newspaper. They are for entertainment purposes only, and are not to be used anywhere else unless written permission is given.

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