Aries (March 21-April 19) You will be
overly impressed by a commercial for a golf club, which
describes it as a "weapon of incredible range and power."
You will make people nervous by referring to your pencil as
"a weapon of incredible pointiness and surprise."
Taurus (April 20-May 20) An elderly Chinese
gentleman will drop by for a visit. You'll spend the entire
visit in complete silence, except for the occasional clink
of a teacup and a saucer.
Gemini (May 21-June 20) In an attempt to
simplify your life, you will discard all of your footwear.
Later you will regret this, but will be too proud to admit
Cancer (June 21-July 22) It will turn out
that someone you spend a great deal of time with is
actually one of the last remaining Sinanthropus (Peking
man), rather that an actual CroMagnon. This will explain
things you've been wondering about.
Leo (July 23-August 22) People will begin
complimenting you on how clean you are. You will find this
Virgo (August 23-September 22) The world
will be dim and grey, and cold. Carrion crows will caw at
you from the edges of the world, and deep cold water will
rush by rivers without names. Ahead, on a glimmering golden
light. Either that or you'll get gum stuck to your shoe.
(Sometimes these things are hard to read.)
Libra (September 22-October 22) You will
descover that your sixth hour teacher was frequently
taunted with a rubber chicken during his/her formative
years. This will go a long ways towards explaining some of
the things you'd been wondering about him/her.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21) Tomorrow
is a good day to wear your lucky Rocketship underwear. Try
not to leap into rooms while shouting "Hark!"
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21) If
your stars align, you may be heading for Disney Land where
you could have a strange encounter with Abe Lincoln's long
lost brother Eba. Or you could not...who's to say.
Capricorn (December 22-January20) Remember:
Unexpressed feelings don't di. Tey are buried alive and
emerge later as Border Collies. So don't hold anything
back! Tell everyone what you REALLY think of them! You may
lose your job, family and friends, but you wont have a
crazed, hyperactive animal hounding your every
Aquarius (January 21-February 18) Do not
fear, this is going to be a great month for you. You will
discover an old He-Man toy who will come alive to purge the
world of evil.
Pisces (February 19-March 20) You must
seize the oppertunity that presents itself today, no matter what the consequences may be. Remember: opportunity knocks
but once, and absolutely refuses to ring the
Copyright notice: These Horiscopes are the proporty of
Echoes Clarkston High School student newspaper. They are for entertainment purposes only, and are not to be used anywhere else unless written permission is given.
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