Hey, Hey, It's the Simpson's!
By:Erica!! and Rebecca!!
(Open with a silhouette of a man holding his hands in front of him. The background contains wavy lines and flying clocks. This is all in black and white)
Voice of Troy McClure: What you're about to witness will do no less then boggle and entertain the very inner components of your mind. (Lights come on and you see Troy in a black suite similar to Rob Sirrling's. He smiles and the background continues in the same pattern of flying objects as it has been. The scene now turns to color.)
Troy (smiling): Hi I'm Troy McClure. You might remember me from such TV crossovers as The Jetsons meet the Odd Couple and Dr Suess vs. Barney: the Ultimate Children’s Icon Match. (The screen fizzles out as Troy walks off into the backstage area.) Throughout all of television history, many television series and families have crazy and wacky occurrences in their life when other people from other shows start to take over their 30 minutes of fame. Tonight's episode will be no different except this is The Simpsons and everything's crazy. (He sits down in a director's chair labeled "Matt Groening". A small table next to him has a steaming hot cup of coffee.) If you recall in a past episode, Marge was reliving traumatic experiences in her life. One was about that lovable music group The Monkees and how they weren't real. And sure enough, they weren't. (Pause) But what would happen if the Monkees happened to appear right in Marge's living room? What kind of pandemonium would occur? Will Marge have to face her past again? Will Bart and Lisa get a taste of the old music they're mother grew up to? Or will it all end the same way with Homer screwing up the whole climax? All these questions will be answered on <echoing> The Simpsons. (He takes the coffee and drinks. He makes a slight face of discussed then spits the coffee out over his shoulder. He then yells of to the side) Hey, I asked for Cinnamon not Vanilla.
(Theme Song to "The Simpsons")
(Marge was sitting on the couch watching TV. When Bart, Lisa and Maggie enter. "The Monkees" theme song is silently being played in the background.)
Bart: Mom, when's chow time? Homer’s getting restless. (Seeing the TV) Hey, what kind of crap are you watching?
Marge <groan>: This isn't crap Bart. This is The Monkees.
Lisa: Oh I love monkeys. (Hops on the couch. She then sees what's really on the TV.) Wait a minute. Mom, these are people. I don't see any monkeys.
Marge: No Monkees. M-O-N-K-E-E-S. This used to be my favorite TV show when I was a little girl.
Bart: So this takes place in the 30's?
Marge: Bart! No, the 60's.
(Homer enters the room from the kitchen holding Maggie.)
Homer (whining): Marge, we're out of beer again. Can you go out and pick some up?
Marge: No Homer; your a big-boy now. Besides, I'm trying to watch the Monkees.
Homer: The Monkees? Why would you watch that? They’re just a bunch of big fakes who happened to sell more records than the Beatles and the Rolling Stones combined. They were never real; they’re just television actors.
Marge (stands up yelling): NO THEY’RE NOT HOMER!
Homer: Sure Marge whatever you say. Come on kids. Leave your mom to watch her Monkees. I’ll make us some dinner. It’ll be fun.
(Bart and Lisa start pulling on Marge’s hands. Maggie reaches away from Homer.)
Bart: No Mom. Don’t let Homer make dinner again.
Lisa: We still haven’t gotten that stain off the floor that’s been growing from when he spilt that stew he made.
Marge <groan>: Oh, just go with your father. I’ll be there in a minute.
(Homer walks out still holding Maggie followed by Lisa sulking.)
Bart: Mom, you got to get with the times. Not with the oldies junk, I mean, even Dad got closer. At least he’s still in the same century.
Marge: Bart, if you don't mind I'm trying to watch my show. (Smiling) Oh look <giggle> Davy fell in love again <giggle>.
(Bart sighs and leaves. Marge sits down again and turns back to watching the TV.)
Marge: Sometimes I wish the real Monkees would come and prove them wrong. Not that I’ve ever thought of that before now—but it would still serve them right.
(Just then, the wiring in the back of the TV starts to spark a little <as Simpson wiring does>. Suddenly, the picture starts to fuzz. All of a sudden, a leg starts being sucked out of the television screen then Mike, gets fully sucked out and thrown against the back wall landing upside-down in the couch. Marge gets startled. She sees Mike, then screams and stands back. Peter gets thrown across the room next and lands on Mike as he is getting up.)
Peter: What the...
(Suddenly, Davy gets thrown across hitting Peter in mid sentence.)
Davy: What the...
Peter: That's what I was trying to say.
Mike (pointing towards the TV): DUCK!
(Suddenly, Micky gets thrown across full force landing on the top of the pile. Marge stands back watching. The rest of the family runs in to see what had just happened, Homer holding Maggie.)
Micky: What the...
Davy: I just said that.
Mike: Where are we? (The four start to untangle off the couch.)
Marge: Your---Your---your the Monk---Monk---Monkees.
Micky (still struggling to get to his feet): Yes Madame we are.
Lisa: Wow, the Monkees?
Bart: Not to be rude but shouldn't you guys be in your 50's?
Mike: What do you mean? It's only 1967. And how did you know who we are? Who are you? And where’s my hat?
(Just then, a green wool hat shots across the room flying into Homers mouth. He starts making muffled screams. Marge yanks it out of his mouth. Homer spits out the fuzz from his mouth. Marge hands Mike the hat.)
Mike: Thanks Miss... Um...
Marge: Oh, I'm Marge Simpson. And this is my husband Homer and my kids Bart Lisa and Maggie.
Peter: Oh look, the baby's sucking a pacifier.
Davy: Yeah that's nice.
Davy: Hey, 'ow did we get here anyway?
Lisa: Oh my God. You guys were sucked out of our TV set.
Marge: Oh dear.
(Marge then looks over at the TV and sees that the Monkees on TV are gone from the screen and only the fuzzy pattern remains.)
Marge: Homer, I thought I asked you to fix the TV.
Homer: But Marge, I did. Remember the scotch tape and toothpicks?
Marge: Oh, it seems my husband forgot to fix the television set again. (She glares at Homer.)
The Monkees: So what else is new?
Marge: But you're welcome to stay here until he fixes it.
Micky: Thank you Mrs. Simpson.
Marge: Oh please. Call me Marge.
Micky: OK. Thanks Marge.
Mike: You sure there ain't no trouble?
Marge: No it's the least I could do you being sucked into my house and all. I mean I love you guys
Homer: But Marge, I thought you loved me.
Marge: I do Homie. I love them differently
Bart: So you guys come from the Hippie years?
Peter: What do you mean? It still is....
Mike: ...isn't it?
Lisa: Nope. When you guys popped out of the TV you hopped in 1999.
Monkees (out of unison): Oh I see, makes scene, OK... (In unison; shocked) 1999?!?!?
Marge: Why don't you guys sit down on the couch and…um...well relax
(The Monkees sit down as the Simpsons go into the kitchen.)
Lisa: WOW. Four big name musicians from the past sucked into our house.
Homer: Fake musicians, Hunny.
Lisa: Hey Mom, where are these people going to stay? I mean we can't just send them to a hotel. People will attack them.
(Marge, Homer, Lisa, and Maggie all look toward Bart.)
Bart: No way man. They aren't taking my room.
(Bart is seen angrily sitting on his bed as the Monkees look around in his room.)
Peter: You have a groovy-looking room here Bart.
Bart: Thanks, but no one uses the word groovy anymore.
Micky: Then what do they use?
Bart: Cool. Phat. Y'know, things like that.
(The guys look at each other confused.)
Davy: Since when was "fat" considered a groovy thing to call someone?
Mike: Maybe Nixon did it.
Micky: Or Mr. Babbit became president sometime between then and now.
Bart: Oh never-mind. <Light bulb> Hey would you guys like to come to my school for show-and-tell.
Davy: Us go out in public? You must be joking.
Bart: Yeah...I mean no I'm not. Don't worry. Nobody will chase you.
Mike: OK then you got yourselves a deal.
Peter (whispering to Micky): Why would people chase us?
Micky (whispering to Peter): I don't know. Maybe because girls would be attracted to Davy still.
(On the school bus, Bart sits down next to Martin.)
Martin: Salutations Bart. What did you bring for show and tell? I have this graphing calculator that does all sorts of difficult math equations and can also graph numbers.
Bart: Hey does it have any games?
Martin: It can hold them. Of course my favorite is Quantum Physics 2000.
Bart: I see. Well, I brought in the Monkees (points to Monkees that are in the seat next to them).
Monkees: Hello! (Waves to Martin)
Martin: The the...the--
Bart: Yep the Monkees.
Martin: Oh Joy of Joys. I use to love your interesting antics on the late night television circuit.
Mike: On television on late night? We have a television show?
Bart (to Monkees): Ah, you might want to ignore Martin. He's a little out of it most of the time. (The Monkees nod their heads.)
(Arrive at school. In the classroom...)
Miss. Krabaple: Bart, it's your turn. What did you bring for Show-and-Tell? I hope it's not that water gun with secret sauce. The lunch lady still can't get her net off her head.
(In the Cafe, Lunch-lady Doris is mixing something in a pot with her hair net covering her face. Some nameless person walks up to her.)
Person (pointing to Lunch-lady Doris): Y’know you--
Lunch-lady Doris (interrupting): Get bent.
(Back in the Classroom...)
Bart (in front of the room): Last night these guys came to my living room through my TV set. They were a popular musical group and TV show from the 60's. I would like you to meet the Monkees.
(Monkees enter casually walking to the center of the room.)
Monkees (in unison): Hello.
Miss Krabaple (jaw drops): You guys are the Monkees. (The kids in the classroom are a little confused. Miss Krabaple starts cornering them by the door with a paper and pen.) Could I have you’re guys’ autograph? I’ve loved you guys since before I found out I couldn’t get a man if my life depended on it.
(The Monkees start backing up and they run out of the room screaming. This has got all the teachers wondering what is happening. They come out of the room and notice the Monkees and start chasing them. Principal Skinner and Superintendent Chalmers stand watching.)
Chalmers: SKINNER! What is going on? Why are the teachers running after those men?
Skinner: Well sir... I--
A Teacher: Monkees!! (She runs off.)
Chalmers: Monkeys? Skinner, why are your teachers chasing franticly after monkeys in your school, down your hall, during class time?
Skinner: I think they meant the Monkees, a very popular television series in the 1960's.
Chalmers: The Monkees. Good Lord. I loved them when I was a kid.
(Starts running with the teachers. Skinner soon follows.)
Chalmers (calling out): Oh Davy, can I get your autograph?
Peter: I thought Bart said we wouldn't get chased.
Micky: Peter there is no time to think about that. Just run.
(Back in the classroom...)
Martin: Well, it seems Mrs. Krabaple isn't going to come back any time soon. So I guess it's up to me to teach the class.
(The children groan)
Bart: No Martin. This was all a plot to get the teachers to run out of the school. Now that the teachers are out of the way, we have a free school day.
Milhouse: DAY OFF!
Bart: My thoughts exactly.
(The kids get up and run screaming out of the classroom. Martin is left sitting in his desk.)
Martin: Well, I'd better get cracking on Quantum Physics 2000. I have to beat level 8 to get to the lightning round. (He pulls out his calculator and begins to "play")
(Back at the Simpson House, Marge is busy waxing the banister when the Monkees barge in running and slam the door behind them. Marge turns around.)
Davy (catching breath): We...We...were…chased...by…crazed...Elementary… School…teachers.
Mike (catching breath): And…that…guy...who…kept...asking…for...Davy's…
Marge <groan>: I knew I shouldn't have let you go with Bart to Show-and-Tell. Come on, I'll hide you guys in the basement.
(The four follow Marge.)
Kent Brockman: Monkee Fever has plagued Springfield when a little boy brought the four band members to his school for Show-and-Tell. (Showing a view of the Simpson house with a bunch of women in front holding banners and cheering) A flock of women between the age of 40 and 55 have swarmed outside this Springfield home where it is believed the four are hiding out. (Back to the Newsroom) It has always been this reporter's feeling that nothing good came from the Monkees and from this scene, (pause) I was proven wrong. Traffic has been lessened, groceries stock has been kept at a high, and paint and banner supplies have been selling out. Plus, the Monkee Memorabilia Store, closed for lack of profit since 1969, has reopened with profits going through the roof. This is Kent Brockman taking the last train to Clarksville. Good Night (the TV is turned off)
(Marge and Homer are sitting on the couch. Marge puts down the remote from turning off the TV)
Marge: I can't believe this is happening. We've got to figure out a way to put them back on the TV.
Homer: But Hunny, if we keep them here, we could start a whole enterprise. Think about it; we could charge admission for people to see them. We'll tie them up in the garage and charge five dollars for a two-minute peak.
Marge: Homer, I don't think they even know what's going on. They aren't the real Monkees. Well, actually they are because they came direct from the show, but they've never been through this before. I think we should try and bring them back.
Homer: Whatever you say Marge. Oh, by the way, you might want to hide your Ringo Starr paintings from them. They might have a problem with that.
Marge: Don't worry Homer, I've already put them where nobody will find them.
(Just then, Bart walks by holding what appear to be large paintings covered in a sheet.)
Bart: Hey Mom. Hey Dad.
Homer: Hi Bart.
(Bart walks off.)
Homer: So Marge, what's for dinner?
(There come four loud screams from the basement.)
(In the Yard…)
Crowd: WE WANT THE MONKEES WE WANT THE MONKEES!
(Marge is looking out the front window then turns around and calls Bart.)
Bart (Bart comes up to her): Yeah mom?
Marge: Since it was your bright idea to bring to school, you have to figure a way to get rid of all these people. They have been camping out for 2 days. I don't think the lawn can take much more of this.
Bart: Should I get the shotgun out?
Marge: Well...No! Just go out there and move those people off my front lawn.
Bart: No problem Mom. (Bart walks outside.) Hey everybody. I would like to say for everybody who loves the Monkees...
(A big cheer from the crowd.)
Bart: Ah...Tomorrow, The Monkees will be giving a free concert in our backyard. And for the first 100 hundred fans, a free kiss from Davy Jones. <Even bigger cheer>
(Lisa comes out.)
Lisa: Bart what do you think your doing?
Bart: You'll see and then you can say your brother is the smartest kid in Springfield.
Lisa: Bart, you know that's my title
Bart (back to crowd.): But if you want to see them tomorrow you have to go home and--
(Crowd runs off.)
Bart: See Lis easy as pie.
Lisa: But what are you going to do about the free concert?
Bart: Well...(walks back in house.)
Marge: Very good Bart you got rid of them.
Lisa: Yeah by giving them a free concert tomorrow in our backyard.
Marge (her most nagging voice.): Bart!
(Homer comes in singing a song.)
Homer: "No Time No Time at all I got no time baby (to Marge) because I got better things to do."
Marge: Well Homer it's nice to see that the Monkees have grown on you.
Homer: You should hear some of their other stuff. Like there's this song about bad parents...Ooo and a song about war...and a song about a girlfriend who uses her boyfriend to walk all over. Apparently, she devoured all his Sweet-n-low too.
Marge: See I told you there not fakes.
Homer: Yeah I guess your right. Their music is better then I ever realized.
Marge: But now Homer we have a problem...
Peter (just arriving alone): Hey Marge, I was wondering, because you've been so gracious as to letting us stay in your lovely basement for the time being, I could repay you by making my specialty: Cream of Root Beer Soup.
Homer (in his hungry voice): Mmmm Cream of Root Bear Soup <gargling and drooling>
Marge: Um...that's OK Peter. Why don't you go back down with your friends and listen to some music or something?
(Mike and Micky walk around the corner joining Peter)
Micky: Hey Marge, we were looking in your fridge for something to eat and all we could find was beer and crusty burgers.
Bart: Oh, you mean Krusty the Klown Microwavable Burgers.
Mike: No, we mean crusty burgers (holding out a molded, half eaten, discolored hamburger with bugs crawling on it).
Bart and Lisa: Ewwww.
Marge: OK. I'll go do some shopping. In the mean time, why don't you guys show the kids some of your music.
Bart: Yeah, seeing that you're gonna be playing a free concert in our backyard tomorrow.
Mike: A free concert?
Peter: In your back yard?
Homer: Bart! That was totally uncalled for. You should've charge ten-dollar admission.
Lisa: Hey, where's Davy?
Micky: Playing with Maggie downstairs.
(In the Basement...)
Davy: Then I tried to do this talent show with this girl name Fern because her mother tricked me into it. That was girl number 305.
Maggie: <Suck Suck>
Davy: Oh you're girl number 452.
Maggie: <Suck Suck>
(Marge and Lisa have entered the house with a bunch of grocery bags. Micky and Peter get up from the couch to help.)
Micky: Here, let us help you Marge.
Marge: Oh you really don't have--
Peter: It's the least we can do.
Marge: Oh then OK. You're really just sweet boys, aren't you?
Micky and Peter: Thank you Mrs. Simpson.
(Time elapses and they are in the kitchen putting groceries away.)
Marge: So you guys wouldn't mind doing a free concert tomorrow. I'm sorry Bart did that though.
Micky: Nah. It seems like it could be fun. It's nice to see people really like us.
Peter: We still don't know how or why though.
Lisa: Just make sure to tell Davy that the first 100 people are getting kissed by him.
Micky: Oh trust me he won't mind one bit.
(Davy enters kitchen.)
Davy: What is it I hear about people kissing' me?
Micky, Peter, Lisa, and Marge: Nothing.
(Early the next morning in front of the Simpson house...)
Kent Brockman: Hi Kent Brockman here live in front of the Simpson house where tonight in the backyard of this house, the Monkees will be giving a free concert. There is already a hundred or so waiting. I also have heard something that the first 100 people in line get a kiss from David Jones. Let's go in line and meet some of these people. (Kent walks up to the front person: Mr. Smithers.) Would you care to answer a few questions for the viewers of Channel 6 News?
Smithers: Sure why not?
Kent: Can I ask what has you in front of this line?
Smithers: Well, I've always had the biggest crush on Davy Jones when I was a kid and I couldn't wait for that free...
Kent: OK enough of that lets get some other people. (Walking up to Patty and Selma) Why have you ladies come to the concert?
Patty: I'm trying to show my sister that Peter Tork isn't as dumb as he plays on TV.
(Peter walks up behind them)
Peter: Hey, are you two sisters?
Selma (to Patty): See? You owe me a taco salad next time we go out.
(On the back porch <the brick deck...whatever> Bart is standing with Mike, who is holding a guitar.)
Mike: Boy, I didn't know so many people actually liked us. Are these all the people in the town?
(Quick fly over to the Old Folks home. Jasper and Grampa are sitting in rocking chairs out front.)
Jasper: Hey, some monkeys are playing over at your family’s house.
Grampa: Last time I saw monkeys play, they ate my keys.
Jasper: Well, you want to go get them?
Grampa: <pause> Nah. They probably stink by now.
Jasper: What, the keys?
Grampa: No, the monkeys.
(Back to the backyard, Lisa walks up to Mike and Bart.)
Lisa: You guys better start soon. I don't think Davy's mouth can take anymore kisses.
(To Davy at the booth, Agnes Skinner standing there. Davy's mouth had frozen in a bit of a puckered state.)
Agnes: When am I gonna get my kiss? I want my kiss.
Davy: But waidy. I can't give wuo any kith. My mouf ith tuck.
Agnes: That hasn't stopped me yet.
(Micky then comes in from the side)
Micky: Davy baby, we're on.
Davy: But I can't thing.
Micky: You canned thing? The Addams aren't gonna be happy.
Angus (angered): That wasn't even funny.
Micky: We gotta go. (Pulls Davy with him off)
(The Monkees are assembled on a bandstand that happens to be set up in the Backyard. Mike talks on the mic.)
Mike: Hello Springfield. We're the Monkees. <Loud Cheering> Well, without further ado...(They break into Last Train to Clarksville.)
(Bart and Lisa on the deck...)
Lisa: How did they get those instruments?
Bart: And those amps?
Lisa: And that Bandstand?
(Cut to Troy Sitting in the directors chair drinking his coffee reading a copy of "Play Dude")
Troy (to the magazine): Look at the size on that...(He looks up. After a second, he through the coffee and magazine behind him. Two sage hands are heard off in the back)
Stage hand 1: The Coffee! It burns!
Stage Hand 2: The Magazine cut my eyes!
Troy: Well, it seems we hit a few loopholes in our plot but what can you expect. It's the Simpsons. By now, you have seen the Monkees get caught into the wackiness of Springfield like all the other guest stars have in the past. This will be no different. However soon the Simpsons will have to figure out away to get those four groovy guys back to the TV show that they belong to and wait for cancellation but not before causing more trouble in Springfield. So enjoy the second half of the Simpson's TV crossover Special or whatever we've called it...after the commercial. (Over his shoulder) Where's my coffee and magazine? <Screaming> (Troy then looks worried. Cut to Commercial)
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