Ep. II Scene 4
[The woods, in early evening. Veronica is sitting at the creek. Harry comes over
with his fishing pole and sits down near her.]
Veronica- Hey.
Harry- What? Who said that?
Veronica- It's me, Veronica, I work at the Moldy Lizard.
Harry- Mommy, is that you?
Veronica- We talked at the mud wrestling competition.
Harry- Mommy! Come home, Mommy! He notices Veronica. Wait, you aren't Mommy. Who are you?
Veronica- Veronica, I'm Veronica.
Harry- Worms are pretty.
Veronica- Uh, yes they are.
Harry- Do you like worms?
Veronica- Do you want me to like worms?
Harry- Do you want me to want you to like worms?
Veronica- Do you want me to want you to want me to like worms?
Harry- Do you want me to want you to want me to want you to like worms?
Veronica- Do you want me to want you to want me to want you to want me to like worms?
Harry- I don't know.
Veronica- Do you want me to know if you don't know?
Harry- Do you want me to want you to know you want, er… I want, um… my head hurts.... I'm confused!
Veronica- I can kiss it and make it better.
Harry- Will you give me head?
Veronica- Maybe.
Harry- Cool.
[They start making out. Sy and Blanche, who don't notice Harry and Veronica,
come walking with their latest objects from the dump. Various odds and ends,
and obviously pure crap. Sy's sheepdog Charlie/Chicken/Jeff is following. Sy drops her bundle, which is
considerably larger then Blanche's. Blanche is also very paranoid, and
having a very interesting acid trip.]
Sy- Dammit, I don't see why we got to carry all this shit to the store all at once.
Blanche- Because, at night the little fairies come out to play.
Sy- [panting] Can't we just pretend that it is night?
Blanche- No!
Sy- Oh, why don't we just put one of these cans over our head and that way it will be just like night!
[She puts one on and demonstrates. She walks around, and then runs into a tree.]
Sy- Ow!
Blanche- The monkeys are here! Run!
Charlie/Chicken/Jeff- *woof!!*
Sy- Why run? I like monkeys.
Blanche- Because they are the evil monkeys!
Sy- Evil monkeys?
Blanche- They have hair, and pink polka dots and things with other things and the hate, oh dear lords the HATE!
Sy- Things?
Blanche- And the LOVE! Save me from the love! The trees, run little Betty Bopper!
Sy- But I'm Sy!
[They run off. Charlie/Chicken/Jeff tags along, barking and running into trees. Pepper Annie comes on with her gun.]
Pepper Annie- Billy Bro Rev. Joe! Where be you?! Dammit, I find one trace of you, you'll be regrettin' it!
[She wanders around squinting suspiciously and finally goes off, always checking her
tracks. Right after she leaves, Betty and Freddie come on.]
Betty- But Freddie, all of the people here are so strange, and they are ALL
on LSD. Remember, drugs are bad. People like that are losers, they do it
because they have low self-esteem. Drugs are bad, alcohol is bad, this whole
place is bad and bad things are only for losers.
[They walk away. Pepper Annie walks on.]
Pepper Annie- [sees Freddie and Betty] Truest lovest!
[Pepper Annie drops her gun and runs after them. Colby then comes on, talking to a
frog in his hand.]
Colby- Well, I was going to rob the general store, but then I realized I
needed a threatening device, see, a stick just wouldn't work. I know, it is
pretty scary, but Blanche has no fear. She is my love goddess.
[Colby trips over Pepper Annie's gun and then picks it up.]
Colby- Hey! A gun! Now I's scary!
[He darts off humming the Mission Impossible theme. Jim and Beaver enter.]
Jim- I tell ya, ya just gotta do it.
Beaver- You're right, I'll find Colby, and as soon as I do, this relationship is off!
[They leave. Veronica and Harry separate.]
Veronica- I love you, Harry!
Harry- I love worms!
Veronica- Will you stop talking about worms?
Harry- My head hurts.... I'm confused! Hey, I need worms. Go fetch me worms.
Veronica- Why don't you just fetch your own worms?
Harry- I don't know to get worms.
Veronica- Stupid boy. Worms come from the ground.
Harry- Oh.
[Veronica sighs and leaves. Colby then comes on and sings…]
Colby- Secret agent man…
[Colby leaves, and Harry laughs. Betty comes on.]
Betty- You're a loser, acid is bad.
Harry- What? Hey, laugh; it's funny!
) to ep. II scene five (
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