Ep. II scene 5
[The General Store just before dawn. Blanche is sleeping at her spot behind the
counter. Colby sneaks in the unlocked front door holding Pepper Annie's gun, wearing a bunny
mask. He opens the cash register and goes through the money, when Blanche wakes up.]
Blanche- What the hell be you doing boy?
Colby- Stick 'im up!
Blanche- Whut da fa...?
Colby- [shaking] Hold your hands in the air and gimme all the money!
Blanche- Why the hell would I do that?
Colby- 'Cause I gotta a gun!
Blanche- You call that a gun! [Blanche pulls out huge bazooka] This here be a gun!
[Colby takes one look at the gun and runs for his life, but runs into the front door and falls over.]
Blanche- [shouting] Damn you! Tryin' to rob my general store! Why the hell you tryin' to rob my general store?
Colby- I did it all for the nookie!!
[Blanche shoots him in the leg.]
Blanche- AUGH! The blood is eating that bunny's leg, save me from the blood! [She hides underneath the counter.]
[Beaver and Jim come into the store.]
Beaver- Colby, this relationship is off.
Jim- Wait, Colby's been shot!
Beaver- Colby, swamp boy! Love!
[Beaver starts tending to his wounded Colby, and helps him up and out of the door.]
Jim- Now, who shot Beaver? Now, who cares?
[Sy runs in, carrying a basket of laundry.]
Sy- What in hell happened here? Why is there blood everywhere? Jim, why are you out past your bedtime?!
Jim- Well, Beaver was going to break up with Colby, but then we came here and Colby was here wearing some kind of mask and he had to care for his swamp boy.
Sy- Well, Colby really shouldn't be leaving his home in the swamp. But that ain't no excuse for you bein' out past your bedtime!
Jim- But I had to be there for emotional support.
Sy- Jim, you shet up.
[Sy starts dragging Jim toward the door, when the welfare man comes in. He is dressed like a pimp. He has several women on each arm.]
Man- I jus' came to see how the job hunt was comin'. Oh, I see that you got a job doing laundry.
Sy- Uh, what? Oh, yeah, I do everyone's laundry. For pay.
Man- Oh, I was going to offer you another kind of job oh well.
Jim- Hey man, are you a pimp?
Man- Yo! Right on! Dis be mah' night job. Co' got d' beat! Ah' sell de wo'ks. Mah' fro be mah' dojigger and mah' symbol. Mah' ladies is my clients! Right on! And dey do de satisfyin' too, ah' might add. Ah' am de big pimp daddy 'round here and ain't nobody gonna snatch dat away from me. Durin' de day,
ah' am but a simple welfare man. 'S coo', bro. But Ah' am de BAAAAD FRO MAN!
Jim- Well, ah' too be some pimp. Jes' haaang loose, brud. Ah' am de big willy round dese parts and ah' duzn't wants' no baaaad fro joker infrin'in on mah' well earned territo'y. Slap mah fro! Ah' gotss honky chicks all de time, and ah' duzn't need any competishun. A'cuz ah' am de Big Willy! Preach it loud, bruddah!! Preach it loud, bruddah!! Right on!
Man- But look at mah' eyes boy, mah' eyes! Right on! ah' done gots me some fine ass wimmin and look at ya' boy, ya' gots nottin', ya wanna be likes de baaaad fro man! Right on!
Jim- Ok, baaaad fro boy, ya kin talk de talk but kin ya' walk de walk?!
[The man tosses his tresses and swaggers out doing a really funny pimp walk with his whores on each arm.]
[Jim and Sy laugh. And then Betty comes in.]
Betty- Is this whole damn town on acid?
[Blanche raises her hand.]
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