Ep. II Scene 2
[Veronica, Sy and Jim are walking through the woods.]
Veronica- ....So this man walks into the bar and he says, “Sy got bills thet won’t go away, an’ she needs to get a job. "Well, I was just in shock, thinkin’ “Well why would they want to cancel Sy’s welfare, when she so good with a shotgun?”
Sy- But why I gotta get a job? I mean, I'm the vice president of the Creek Shotgun Society, and president of OGATK, Outlaw Guns As They're Dangerous. I'm a great contributor to the community here. Why they want to destroy mah will?
Jim- You gonna have to write a will if you gonna get a job as a construction worker. My friend Mitch was one, an' he died from loss of blood when a co-worker at the site cut Mitch's big toe off.
Sy- Shut up, Jim. You ain't helpin' me much.
Veronica- Well, anyway, the man gave me this enveelope to give to you. An’ if I was you, I’d set down before I opened it!
Sy- Aw, I think I can handle it!
[Sy opens the envelope. She takes out a piece of paper, screams and falls down.]
Sy- Holy shit! This here paper says I gotta get me a job within the next month!!!
Veronica- Aw, Sy, you done ruined your frock. I TOLD you you oughta set down!
Jim- Well, Sy, it’s about time you changed that frock o’ yours anyway. It be just plain nasty.
Sy- Dammit, I ain’t changin’ my frock ‘til it gets holes! [She stands up.]
Veronica- Well, Sy, I hate to tell you, but you got a big ol’ rip in the back o’ your frock.
Sy- Dang.
Veronica- Well, at least you got your super-wide pants on underneath.
Sy- [smiling] Yep.
Veronica- So what you gonna do ‘bout gettin’ a job in only a month?
[Pepper Annie pops up out of nowhere.]
Pepper Annie- A month is plenty of time to git a job. I decided I wanted to be a hairdresser, and by that afternoon I had found some used scissors and was choppin' at hair.
Sy- And if Pepper Annie can do it, then I certainly can!
Pepper Annie- You sayin' that I cain't do a good job?
Sy- No…
Pepper Annie- Well you should, because it ain't the quality that matters, its how desperate the customers are.
Sy- So what can I do?
Pepper Annie- You gotta git a job that no one else has.
Sy- But what can I do that no one else can?
Jim- Be a real bitch!
Pepper Annie- Now that ain't no way to treat your cousin or lover, no way at all!
Veronica- But what you gonna do?
Sy- I dunno, Ron. I s'pose I done always had prostitution to fall back on. But when I as doing that before, I got annoyed cuz the men kept on pesterin' me about "is that the same frock you was wearin' last time" and I jest got fed up! And then I went to "redneckwelfare.com" and I got me on a nice, easy income, where there wasn't no one to pester me about my frock.
Jim- And then I moved in.
Sy- Remember, Jim, you was one-a my most frequent customers. Then when I quit, you was gone--and three months later you just crawled through the door one rainy night, pestered me about my frock and decided to live with me. Damn, Veronica, you so lucky to have parents who'll give you a job....Hey! Is there any space at the Moldy Lizard?
Veronica- I don't think so, I mean, there ain't any events going on or anything, so all it would be is being a barmaid,
and last time that I tried to git one of my friends a job there it didn't work out at all.
Pepper Annie- Take my advice, don't go bardancing.
Veronica- She broke the nice wooden bar, so we had to go and steal a piece of rotten wood from a house.
Jim- That's where my roof went!
Sy- So that's why you moved in with me! Damn freeloader! [turns back to Veronica] Well then, I would just do lap dancing.
Pepper Annie- I wouldn't do that either, they break even faster then the bars do.
[Billy Bro Rev. Joe is heard screaming in the background.]
Billy Bro Rev. Joe- VERONICA! Dammit, woman!
[He then runs into view, and his face is scratched and bleeding.]
Sy- Damn, Billy Bro Rev. Joe, what the hell happened to you?
Billy Bro Rev. Joe- It's that damn, cock, it's getting too powerful for me!
Pepper Annie- What?
Billy Bro Rev. Joe- Veronica, it happened again, we gonna have to kill that rooster!
Veronica- Did you get into another cockfight?
Billy Bro Rev. Joe- He started it.
Veronica- Billy Bro Rev. Joe! You know you ain't allowed to get in cockfights unless there is an official on at the Moldy Lizard!
Billy Bro Rev. Joe- Well then, you better orgasm one!
Pepper Annie- What? Do you mean organize?
Billy Bro Rev. Joe- Bitch, Satan will have your soul!
[He leaves.]
Pepper Annie- But I ain't got no shoes!
Veronica- What the hell am I gonna do? I don't got time to plan no cockfight.
Sy- I'll help you!
Veronica- Sy, you's a life saver!
Sy- Wow, working at the bar....I could throw people out, break up drunken brawls, start mosh pits..... hell, I could start the drunken brawls....wow!
Veronica- I'll start showing you the ropes! Let's go!
Pepper Annie- I know how to make a noose!
Sy- Let's go now!
[Veronica and Sy leave.]
Pepper Annie- Damn, she won't do any better than I did! I did my best, I gave my all, and the damn bar broke!
Jim- Sy's a little bit smaller then you.
Pepper Annie- F*** you!
[Beaver joins them, petting his pet beaver.]
Pepper Annie- Beaver, what be your reason for bein' down?
Beaver- It's Colby. He and I jus' ain't got much in common.
Pepper Annie- Well you don't have to, you be married to Veronica.
[Beaver and Jim pretty much ignore Pepper Annie for the conversation.]
Jim- What are you gonna do 'bout that?
Beaver- Well that new gal, Betty. She sure has my attentions. She and I have a lot in common.
Pepper Annie- Veronica, Veronica!
Beaver- I just want someone who's wild.
Pepper Annie- Well guys aren't good at all at bein' wild.
Beaver- Veronica is wild.
Pepper Annie- But Veronica's a girl and you're gay!
Beaver- I think Betty likes me too.
Jim- Then the answer is clear, leave the frog boy for the fox.
Beaver- Colby's at the general store right now!
Jim- I'll go with you.
Beaver- I'm gonna get out of this here relationship!
[They leave. Pepper Annie is left alone, talking to herself.]
Pepper Annie- All this is very disturbing. What does the word marriage mean nowadays? Don't it mean nothin'? I mean, Veronica and Beaver used to be so happy, a very picturesque couple. Now, well now things are different. From
lookin' at their beautiful weddin' photos, one never would've guessed. Veronica, she's cheating on Beaver with that damn Rev.Billy Bro Rev. Joe. Maybe if he stopped screwing chickens, he might notice what a great gal he's got. But no,
instead, he hits her, and don't appreciate her. I don't like him at all. But then, Veronica is gonna cheat on her lover, and Beaver is cheatin' by looking at that new fishin' boy, Harry. He has a lover, that frog boy Colby. And he wants to cheat
on him with that new bitch Betty. Damn, I's the only one that's in touch with the world! My momma's from the suburbs. The only person that I hate more then Betty is Billy Bro Rev. Joe. [scratches her chin thoughtfully] Now, if a carefully staged accident was to happen to him. One that no one would suspect was on purpose, or that it was me, and not even he would know what was goin' on, now that would be good. Like me accidently shootin' him. This world would be fine without Billy Bro Rev. Joe!
[She starts to laugh maniacally as Betty walks by.]
Betty- Are you on acid?
Pepper Annie- Bitch! Mind your own business!
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