Episode II- Scene 1
[The inside of the Moldy Lizard tavern is shoddily
done, and looks very cheap. Veronica is wiping the counter. She
looks tired. Colby is at the counter holding a disgusting-looking liquid concoction, having
a conversation with Veronica.]
Veronica- So Blanche throws the saucepan, and
screams, "God dammit! Will you
just stop raping the chickens!" And Billy Bro
Rev. Joe, well, he was
astounded. And then, we baked that poor hen in
the pie, and it was all over. But I will tell you, the next day, he gave a
sermon telling about the evils of saucepans and plum pudding. And, to this day,
he won’t eat no jelly beans!
Colby- Wow, Ron, you sure do seem to do a lot of things. I don't think that I
would really have the guts to do half the things that you done.
Veronica- Well, a lot of people are too frightened to really live, and that
just really frightens me.
Colby- I ain’t too frightened to really live!
Veronica- You live, but do you really LIVE?
Colby- What do you mean?
Veronica- Like when was the last time you did anything that was excitin’ at all?
Colby- Yesterday, I went to the general store and on the way, I saw a frog!
Veronica- A frog?
Colby- Yeah, and it was a girl frog. I picked it up and I held it.
Veronica- [sarcastically] How did you ever contain yo’ excitement?
Colby- I didn't think I could, but I did.
Veronica- Well, I am very proud of you.
Colby- You ain’t prouda me at all, are you?
Veronica- No, I ain’t.
Colby- Oh.
Veronica- See, Colby, your problem is you’s too uptight.
Colby- So I am a little uptight…
Veronica- No, you’s REAL uptight.
Colby- But there ain’t nothin’ wrong with that.
Veronica- Oh, there’s plenty of things wrong with it.
Colby- Like what?
Veronica- Like the fact that Beaver likes exciting people.
Colby- So, he don't mind at all that I am dull.
Veronica- You sure?
Colby- Well, not really.
Veronica- And there you have it.
Colby- Have what?
Veronica- The truth, I guess. “There you have it”, it’s an expression, dammit!!
Colby- What is the truth?
Veronica- The reason why you and Beaver is having problems is ‘cause you’s too uptight.
Colby- Well, maybe. But still…
Veronica- Do you know the only way to make your life less uptight and more
like Beaver's style?
Colby- No.
Veronica- Let me be in charge of you for a little bit. I will have you bein’ mo’ wild than
you knew could exsist!
Colby- Am I going to live through this?
Veronica- Now that is exactly the wrong attitude...
Colby- But, but…
[A man enters. He looks around and Veronica speaks to him.]
Veronica- Ken I help you?
Man- I am looking for a Sy.
Veronica- Sy ain't here right now.
Man- Where is she?
Veronica- Now how the hell would I know that?
Man- Is she at work?
Veronica- [laughing] Work? Sy? Now that has to be the funniest thing I done heard
yet!
Man- Sy isn't employed?
Veronica- [suspiciously] Now see here Mister, it ain't your business what Sy be doing.
And she a good gal, with a good heart, and you got no place at all to judge her.
Man- No place? I have all the place in the world. I am from the welfare
agency, and Sy has not been employed or been looking for employment
for some time now. Here is a letter that must be delivered to her right away. Her welfare
is being cut off, and she must find a job soon; she has debts that won't go away by
themselves. Here, can you give this to her for me? I have an important meeting to attend.
[He leaves an envelope on the bar and takes the arm of the harlot waiting at the door. Veronica and Colby stare at each other as the man leaves]
Colby- Is something bad going to happen to Sy?
Veronica- Hain't you been listening? She needs
to find a job.
Colby- But what the hell can she do?
Veronica- How the hell would I know? All I know
is it don't take much intelligence to find a job. Pepper Annie got a
job, and if SHE can get one, then anyone can.
[Billy Bro Rev. Joe enters.]
Billy Bro Rev. Joe- Dammit woman! Where my
food?
Veronica- Maybe we would have some eggs if you
wouldn't be stealin' the rooster's job!
Billy Bro Rev. Joe- Bitch! Who the hell said you
could talk?
Veronica- I talk whenever the hell I wanna talk!
Billy Bro Rev. Joe- What the hell you doin' talkin' to another man behind my back? Girl,
how many people you lickin’ while I'm preparin’ my sermons?
Veronica- None at all, that hen over there get more action then I do.
Billy Bro Rev. Joe- Maybe because that hen is better lookin' then you’ll ever be!
Colby- Now, jest calm down!
Billy Bro Rev. Joe- You stay out of this, boy! Watch a real man handle his wife.
Veronica- Real man? Where? All I see is a horny little chicken-phile.
[Billy Bro Rev. Joe slaps Veronica in the face and walks out of the bar. Colby leaps over
the bar to see whether she is alright.]
Colby- Veronica? Are you ok? Did that mean man hurt you?
Veronica- Colby, make me a promise.
Colby- What?
Veronica- Promise me that you will never tell a soul that this happened.
Colby- Veronica…
Veronica- Colby, promise me!
Colby- I don't understand why, but I promise.
Veronica- Good, now let's start thinking about getting' Miss Sy a job.
)to ep. II scene 2(
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