2-11-00 - It's been a long time since
I've written, and in that time, things have really changed for me. I've
been happier in the past month and a half than I have been in the last
8 months. It's great. People always told me to smile cause I looked unhappy,
and now when I smile they ask me why I'm so happy. The littlest things
amuse me, and I've finally learned to take notice of them. Yesterday I
was walking through the lobby on my way to homeroom. It was crowded and
in order to get through, I had to squeeze between two people. As I did,
I looked up and one of the many guys that I think is soooo good looking
was standing there. Because of those 20 seconds in the lobby, I smiled
all day. And then last night Alia and I went to the basketball game at
Beaver. The girls all put their hands together and said "One, two, three,
team." I know it doesn't sound funny to you, but Alia and I are still laughing
about it. It feels so good inside to not have to worry about things. I
haven't had to worry about whether or not I got invited to things, who
was my friend and who wasn't, or any of the stuff I've complained
about for the past 2 years. But I must say, the whole happy thing caught
up with me today when I found out that someone's been talking about me.
I really don't understand why I care, but it's the fact that I don't think
he has any right to care who I like and who I don't like. I don't think
he has any right to tell people that I like someone because they look or
act like him. Let's just say that in a perfect world, I'd have the guts
to actually tell him the truth about why I didn't like this other person
as more than a friend. Unfortunately, I've learned that insulting people
is not always the route to take in some situations. And as bitter as that
sounds, I know that by the time Monday rolls around, (Valentine's Day is
my favorite holiday and this guy in my pre-calc class said he was gonna
buy me those message hearts. HOORAY!! hehe.) I'll be as happy as I was
yesterday on my way through the lobby.
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