01-13-00 - I don't know what to feel right now. I was happy all day,
but then during 8th period, someone said they wanted to talk to me. So
we sat down and talked, and it ended with me crying. I don't even know
why I was upset. This person was nice enough to sit down and talk everything
through with me. I guess it's just this sense of betrayal. I want to believe
what this person had to say and I want to accept his apology. But at the
same time, it hurt. I'm not saying I don't forgive him, tho. Forgiving
is the easy part. It's the forgetting that I tend to have a problem with.
But then just at the right moment, he came over, gave me a huge hug, and
kept saying he was sorry. It felt so good to have someone give me a big
hug. Unfortunately, band started, and since everyone started walking in
the officer's room, I left. So ever since then, I've had no idea what to
think. I even went walking/running, but that didn't do any good. I went
to the mall, bought some damn cool shoes, and made Derek hold all the bags
(haha), so that cheered me up. Now I'm back to the 'I don't know what to
think' stage. I hate not knowing what's going on in my life. It's
one thing to not care about things, but it's another to not have anything
in order. I wish I could sort things out, but I just don't feel like dealing
with things anymore.
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