And Then, A Big FUCK YOU!
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: Tupac - When We Ride On Our Enemies
Have I mentioned that this song soothes my soul?

The Rant:

Ok, so I have a lot to say and no one to say it to. So I guess that there is many things that come out of my life experience. I was questioning myself, my decisions, my lessons that I had learned. Damn, and then it all comes together. I was right all along. You know that when you deal with something that just isn?t justified at all. I did nothing wrong, I have fucking witnesses. For Christ?s sake, I couldn?t hear because of cell phone reception. I can?t help the fact that you mumble. I also can?t help the fact that you are coked up and can?t deal with anything beyond your own realm of existence.

I guess that what it comes down to is the truth that I saw a couple of weeks ago. You?re an asshole. And I don?t do repeat sessions. I learned my lesson the first time, with the first relationship. I see the faults in the other people, and I can read those faults loud and clear. And yours shine through. A repeat of Paul? What the fuck do you think ? that I?m going to sit back and listen to you being an asshole to me and forgive you? I will take one excuse. One, that?s it. I spent two years dealing with someone and forgiving and forgiving the stupid shit that came out of his mouth on a daily basis because I wanted to make IT WORK. Well, that was when I didn?t realize that I am a better person than that. I don?t deserve that. I don?t need someone in my life that creates friction. I also put enough effort in to other people?s happiness that I deserve to get some in return.

I have been happy for quite a while with people that are my friends. I?m sorry if I don?t just simply need someone in my life that is there to be there. I am a truly independent person that doesn?t depend on anyone else for my happiness. I would love to find someone to share that with me, but I will not let myself go and lose touch with me, my morals, my values and just my happiness in general to put on the facade of being happy. I am happy as me. I am happy as the person who doesn?t need anyone else by their side. For Christ?s sake, I actually prefer to be single ?cause I don?t need to deal with anyone else?s emotional baggage. I have enough of my own.

I guess that maybe my ability to see things in people, to try to see the good in people is a downfall? or maybe it was a downfall. Maybe it has created within me the ability to see the bad in people, because I have learned that sometimes the bad outweighs the good. People who can?t learn how to deal with their life experiences, and don?t understand what to get out of them, then they are just dumb motherfuckers who aren?t worthy of my time. Never going to make any forward movement, never going to make any type of good impact in my life. Why bother talking to them?

I have a quote ? it?s a great one, again? My last message to John's voicemail was:

?Fuck you, you?re an asshole, don?t bother to call me again.?

Excellent
Mood:  mischievious
Now Playing: Fuel - Die Like This
Date: Mon, 12 Jun 2000 05:12:49 GMT
From: Dustin C.
Subject: sdf

HI!!!
i recently saw your WONDERFUL site goatse.cx.. I WAS SOOO PLEASED! I thought i was the only one that liked my anus pluged by HUGE FAT DICKS (not to mention horses and mules) i love the large auns pictures! Some day i aspire to have someone take a picture of my ass so i can send it to your site.
I want to have a picture of my large anus with a rubberband around my balls, and my little puppy licking my nuts after they turn blue. After that i would like to get a picture of me and my grandpappy outside with my daddy. I want gramps to plug my ass with his peep, then have daddy suck me off. If im lucky, grammy will watch and look at grandpappy, slap on her harness and cram gramps in the ass.
THANK YOU!! your picture has inspired my new porn fetish, and my desire to have my relitves fuck me, while my dog licks my nuts. THANK YOU!!!

Working Your Ass Off Has Its Advantages
Mood:  vegas lucky
Now Playing: Weezer - Island In The Sun
I don't really know what's up, I'm mentally and physically exhausted - I just worked twenty six hours over the past 36 hours. Not fun.

But, it was worth it to make the money that I made. Straight pay for 21 hours, and five after that was overtime. Unfortunately some of that was bartenders pay - but whatever, 'cause I made 250 bucks in five hours. That works out to 50 bucks an hour, plus the straight pay which was time and a half, anyways. Hell, I'll take it.

It definitely helped. Elise and I had to make 350 bucks this weekend in order to keep up with rent and our bills. And that definitely happened. In one day. Plus I got my shitty paycheck from the week that I was sick for two days, and the car was broke down for two days. So it was only a ten hour paycheck. Yuck. So just I pulled in 350 this weekend. She's pulled in about 150 so far, plus her shitty waitress check, which is about 40. And she is at work right now. So, we're ok. We made in one weekend what we needed to make over the next two. Plus I have this check from this past week which will cover what we needed to make next weekend, and she put in enough hours at Faro's to help us out big time, plus pull in a hundred dollar check next weekend, plus she'll work next weekend. So we'll end up pulling in double what we needed over these two weekends. Thank goodness. I was worried when I was out for four days last week.

And I've got plenty to do over this week at work. And Elise is going to come in and work at Faro's before she goes to work. So that will add to the next week's check.

Well, we got our driveway sealed yesterday, the neighbor does all of that stuff for work, and could use the extra money, so he bought the stuff and made seventy bucks and saved us a good hundred. That worked quite well all around. Now the landlord can't give us a hard time because of Colleen's car, which leaked shitloads of oil all over the driveway while she was here. Even though all of the neighbors have huge oil stains in their driveways. Whatever. The asshole just has it out for me 'cause I'm young. Which is fine, 'cause I wrote his boss (the owner) a letter and told him that they were freaking out over nothing. And we haven't had any trouble from him since. Our yard is much cleaner than everyone else's, and our lawn looks better (although I do have to fertilize it next summer first thing...) than anyone else's, yet we get the flack all of the time. Part of it was when my sister was here, everyone hated her. So I think that was it, the neighbors probably complained because my sister was a psycho, and ever since she has left we haven't had a problem.

Well, Elise and I went out and bought 147 dollars worth of cleaning supplies and cat stuff today. Lots of kitty litter, dry food, wet food, cat nip, cat nip toys, collar, flea collar. We bought enough cleaning supplies and back up to last us until the new millenium. New shower curtain, rod (which desperately needed to go - the rod that we had was all chipped and rusty.) and hangers, 'cause they were metal and made the curtains that we were buying all rusty.

Now all that I have to do is get the lawn mowed (So Jon needs to get his truck fixed so that he can get here and do that :).) It's a good thing that we have good friends. I don't know what I'd do without them. And I have to weed the garden (aka the jungle). Haha. I'll get around to that one of these days.

I'm just going to rip it all out and make it a lawn. haha. Maybe one of these days I'll find the time to figure my life out. I have to clean the shed out, and then clean the house out of all of the junk that we have but don't want to throw out. And throw out all the stuff that we have and haven't had a chance to throw out. Yea. And I might add that I love the fact that I have to pay money for the trash bags. Damn town of Somersworth.

I dunno the next real project for this place is going to be a huge project. Next summer I'm putting all new sheetrocking in the whole house. I'm fixing the ceiling - taking out the screws with the stupid flower things out, reinstalling screws the right way, taking out the strips in between the sheetrock, sanding down the ceiling, filling in the cracks that the strips cover, taking off the molding. Then I'm ripping out the existing sheetrock on the walls, which is too fucked up to fix, and you can't get rid of the ugly wallpaper that is sealed on it anyways, so it pretty much is unfixable... then putting up new sheetrock that is the normal sized thickness. Then I can paint it and do whatever that I want. And if something happens, and a hole happens, then I can fix it instead of it looking like shit like it does now with holes in it. And holes are less likely when it's more than a quarter inch thick. (Actually, I think that it may be closer to a half inch, but it's still not five-eighths like most houses have. Damned trailers and being cheaply made.) And it won't have this ugly wallpaper, and no stupid broken strips going down the side covering the seams between the sheetrock...

That'll be a project for next summer, and I'll do the shed at the same time, rent a small dumpster, put it in the driveway, and fill it with sheetrock and all of the shit that I don't want to deal with throwing out. Get rid of these ugly old couches if no one takes them off the side of the road. Maybe by then I'll have bought a new bed, too.

Ah. Well, spent maybe the past three hours reorganizing kitchen space and fixing the damned drawers. Then I played with Punk Bitch for a while, chasing him around the house. Talk about large amounts of motivation. Well, I'm going to go finish that up now since Elise is almost out of work.

My Horrorscope
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: Ian Van Dahl/Marsha - Castles In The Sky


Quickie:
Logic just won't get you any further. It's time to rely on your intuition.

Overview:
Be ready to change plans, take a wrong turn that turns out quite right and have unexpected visitors at your door -- the kind you're so happy to see that you can hardly stand it.

Extended:
Today you catch a heartening glimpse at the light at the end of the tunnel. As the day moves ahead, you see that the end is indeed in sight and it's even closer than you thought. Go through your address book and collect the names of those who can help you make it happen. It never hurts to ask. An acquaintance can be particularly invaluable if you know how to tap into their hidden resources.

And then there were none. I'll comment on this later, I should probably go to work since I'm over an hour late.

:)

It's Not A Terrorist Attack... I Swear...
Mood:  incredulous
Now Playing: Linkin Park - Breaking The Habit
Topic: Politics
You know, this is what happened to Saudi Arabia when they didn't want to get involved in the war on terror - a terrorist attack occured on their own soil. What is it going to take for the world to realize that these bastards will bite off their nose to spite their face, bite the hand that feeds them, you get the idea. Russia will never admit that this was a terrorist attack because then they will be wrong in their handling of world politics. Surprise.

Two Russian Airliners Simultaneously Plummet To Earth.

Watch Your Wallets
Mood:  quizzical
Now Playing: Sublime
Topic: Politics

New Overtime Law - Could effect people making as little as 23k

Nice. 23k is not a lot of money.

My Horrorscope
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Ice Cube - Can You Bounce?



Remember that you have the power to say enough is enough. Even if it disrupts the routine for a while, the resulting benefits will make a marked difference on where your life is heading. So be on guard for emotional upheaval once somebody realizes that they cannot push you around anymore, and be careful in business dealings -- especially with those who may feel that they have gotten an 'easier' deal in the past. There is a new you coming to the surface.

This is just scary.

Terror Alert
Mood:  hungry
Now Playing: The Crystal Method - Tough Guy
Topic: Bored Quizzes
Take the quiz: "What is YOUR terror alert color?"

Yellow
ELEVATED. You are business as usual, even though danger may loom just around the next corner. But screw it. Your terror alert color is Yellow.

Drunken Gaelic Sayings... yes! (I Must Be Bored...)
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Ice Cube - Dr. Frankenstein
Topic: Bored Quizzes
Take the quiz: "Which Random Irish Gaelic Phrase Are You? "

Ta me air meisce
Ta me air meisce - 'I am drunk.'You enjoy a drink - or five - now and then. You can usually be found in a pub - it doesn't matter which one, because they all look the same after a few drinks - or hugging the porcelain.

Take the quiz: "Which Random Irish Gaelic Phrase Are You? "

Ta mo bhriste tri thine
Ta mo bhriste tri thine - 'My trousers are on fire.'You're a few bricks short of a load, aren't you? You're probably not allowed to use sharp objects and you should be locked in a rubber room. With Rubber rats. Rubber rats? I hate rubber rats. They drive me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They put me in a rubber room. With rubber rats. Rubber rats? I hate rubber rats...

Take the quiz: "Which Random Irish Gaelic Phrase Are You? "

Pog mo thoin
Pog mo thoin - 'Kiss my ass.'You're one tough bastard, and if anyone doesn't like it, they can kiss your ass. You enjoy fighting and causing grievous bodily harm. Hey! What are you lookin' at, punk?

You Hate Bush, and Then He Goes Lower
Now Playing: Tupac - 2 Of Amerikaz Most Wanted
Topic: Politics
Bush and Illegal Campaign Ads