"Oh my God, Justin, baby," JC asked his pregnant husband, "Are you sure?"
"Hmmm let me guess JC," Justin replied sarcastically, "I have a big wet spot in the seat of goddamn pants. I'm sure I didn't pee on myself, seeing as I just took a fucking piss. There's fluid leaking out of my fucking assh-"
Justin grabbed his stomach with both of his hands, the contraction halting his words. "Ow, motherfucker. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!" Justin screamed in pain.
JC stared at Justin in wonderment. Here he was standing in the bathroom of their best friend, Lance, with his nine months pregnant husband- whose water broke. Joshua and Justin had about two hundred baby shower guest's waiting in Lance's backyard. All Joshua expected to do today was accept baby gifts and show off his pregnant husband. Now it seems that his kid wanted to cut in.
Figures.
That's definitely Justin's kid.
Joshua watched Justin grimace and wonder how his husband felt. By the look of Justin's reddening face, the pain was pretty bad. Joshua began to wonder about the miracles of childbirth tape he and Justin watched in Lamaze class and wondered if their, well to Justin- it was only his childbirth, would go as smoothly as it did on the tape.
"JC!" Justin called out to stunned husband, once the contraction was over
JC wondered what if the labor and delivery wasn't smooth and something terrible happened or if they forgot something. He was sure that the bag they packed for their delivery wasn't in the car.
JC felt a slight panic attack coming on.
What if Justin really needed the natural sounds of the earth mix tape JC made to help Justin relax during the labor?
JC's breath began to hitch.
"Joshua!! Goddamn it!" Justin breathed out painfully; he felt the present contraction becoming stronger and stronger.
JC's panic attack became full blown after imagining their baby missing an eye because he forgot the mix tape. JC began to run around Justin, screaming out loud "Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!" in a long continuous chant, flailing his arms above his head.
Justin unsquinted one of his closed eyes to watch his panic-ridden husband run about like a two-year-old child. Justin seriously began to contemplate, while in the throes of pain, if his child really needed JC as a father.
"Joshua!!!" Justin yelled out to JC. JC didn't respond, he just ran faster in a circle around poor Justin.
Justin felt the pain subside momentarily and he breathed out, filling his lungs with the needed oxygen. He watched JC run past him, yet again and he pictured knocking the crazy ass man out but then he remembered he didn't have to go so far. He could not, would definitely not, give birth in Lance's bathroom.
So Justin held a foot out, close to the floor, anticipating Joshua's next run around.
JC tripped over the held out foot just as Justin expected. JC fell face first to the bathroom floor and turned over to look up at a pissed off Justin.
"Look," Justin growled lowly, looking down at his husband, "I don't need you fucking freaking out on me here. I'm goddamn stressed enough already as it is, you motherfucker. Running around like you're a shitting ass idiot!! While I'm having fucking CONTRACTIONS!!" Justin barked, placing his hands on his hips, "I don't know if your mother dropped you on your fucking head when you were a child but you straighten the fuck up. Now get up, JC, off the floor and bring me to the hospital. I'll be damned if I am going to give birth to MY baby on Lance's marble tiles! You got it?!"
"Yeah I got it, baby," JC, grinned sheepishly as he pulled himself off of the rug on the floor. JC rubbed his forehead with one hand and held out his other to Justin.
Justin grabbed and dragged/waddled himself and JC back out to their baby shower.
"Um, guys," JC began to announce one the couple made their way into to the backyard. He had the guests rapt attention. "You see, well...what I'm trying to- I mean we're trying to say is-"
Lance interrupted and chuckled, "I can help JC out everyone, he sorta gets tongue tied in front of people. He wants to thank y'all for coming here and-"
"No," Justin breathed out heavily, feeling another contraction coming on. He began to squeeze JC's hand.
"No?" his guests called out to Justin, questioning the pregnant man's negative answer.
"Yes...I, oh Jesus...I can't," he puffed out, "Bullshit...water...broken...JC explain." Justin breathed into JC's ear and leaned into him. The contraction's were seeping into Justin's strength.
"Justin's water broke, you guys," JC whispered in awe.
The crowd began to talk at once, some were squawking, some giving directions to the nearest hospital. Lance was beaming foolishly.
Justin's mother was screaming that her "baby was having a baby" then she fainted.
JC's mother was bawling her eyes out, recalling to anyone who'd listen about her giving birth to JC.
Joey, having already been through the birth process before, sat down and grabbed a piece of cake.
Chris zipping up and down the backyard- going into hyperactive mode, knocking down chairs and tables.
"JC," Justin panted into JC's ear, turning his back to the well wishers and advice givers, "Please...hospital now."
"No problem, baby." JC pushed friends and family members out of the pair's way and brought them to their SUV. He hurriedly started the car up and tried to keep his driving under the speed limit.
"How you doing Justin? You're awfully quiet, baby," JC asked after ten minutes of straight silence, excluding Justin panting hard and muttering curses under his breath. JC wondered if something was wrong with his husband. Justin was just too...quiet.
"Oh, just as fine as I should be I guess," Justin replied, pouting sadly and focused on his breathing. "I knew that it was gonna hurt, C, but I never expected it to feel like this." Justin finished.
"Feel like what?"
"Feel like someone has an axe inside of you and they are slowly working there way down your damn spin-Ohhhhhhhhhhh!!"
JC pressed a little harder on the gas pedal.
He could not stand to hear his Justin in pain.
*~*~*~*~*~*
"Well, Mr. and Mr. Timberlake-Chasez, your water has clearly broken." Dr. Bucknor informed the married couple.
"I could have told her that." Justin mumbled under his breath.
"Justin, hush," JC, whispered warningly into Justin's ear.
"Sorry, doctor," JC blushed, embarrassed at his husband's rude muttering.
"It's no problem. Patients do tend to get a bit snippy when giving birth. I usually get them back with the bill."
The couple snapped their heads to look at their obstetrician in the examination room.
"Just kidding...lighten up. The fun part hasn't begun," she winked. JC smiled back nervously.
"Fun for whom?" Justin pouted.
"I bet you're a screamer in bed," Dr. Bucknor joked to the ever-scowling Justin.
"Aw, don't scowl, Justin. The baby might be born with a permanent frown on its face."
"I don't think I asked for your opinion, Doctor." Justin replied bitchily.
"Justin!" JC knew that Justin would take his frustrations out on him but he was shocked to see Justin answering so rudely to the doctor. Justin usually remembered his manners in public.
"Fuck you," Justin said calmly to JC from his perch on the examination table.
"Oh, it's alright JC. I've heard much worse and been called quite a few names, too. You should have heard all of things I said to my husband when I gave birth. I'm not allowed to be at that hospital. I've been banned. I expect Justin here to live up to my record," she winked happily to Justin.
"If you're nice, I might tell you how dilated you are," the doctor cajoled.
"Please for the love of God, tell me ten centimeters. Please tell me ten," Justin pleaded with the doctor. "I'll take back everything I said about you. I don't think you're an evil bitch at all."
"You called me an evil bitch?" she asked curiously.
"In my head, Doc. I'll fucking love you though, if you tell me what I need to hear," Justin implored.
"Well, it looks like I'll have to settle for being an evil bitch, Justin. You're only dilated three centimeters. You've got a way to go even though your water broke. Seeing as how your contractions fluctuate, you'll be here for a while, six to ten hours, maybe. Might I suggest walking? It helps soothe the soul and spirit plus it's a great way to help speed up the process," she grinned brightly.
"This is fucking bullshit! What about an epidural? Can I have one of those, please?"
"Sure, you can Justin. After 5-6 centimeters of dilation, you can definitely have one."
"What! What am I supposed to do until then?"
Dr. Bucknor squinted her eyes, "I thought that I suggested walking? I have rounds to make, Justin. Have fun. Don't worry. I'll make sure you get a nice private delivery room," she finished off breezily, winked and left the room.
"That motherfucking bitch! How in the fuck could she do this to me? I need drugs, JC. I don't think I'll survive hours of this pain. Stop fucking staring at me JC! I need drugs, aspirin, Tylenol, Mor-fucking-phine, something! Go do somet- Ohhhhhhhhhh!!!!" Justin cried out in pain.
JC didn't know what to do.
Seven Hours Later
"I fucking hate you, JC! You did this to meeee!!!" Justin cried out to his husband in the delivery room. The two moved into the private delivery room after Justin finally dilated to five centimeters.
JC stared at Justin in wonderment. He'd just been call some pretty foul names that he didn't even knew Justin knew.
"You piece of shit!! When I fucking get through this, I'm going to castrate you with a goddamn damn spoon! You worthless, good-for-nothing prick!! I motherfucking hate you!! You're an asshole who isn't worth an ass hair!"
JC knew that Justin cursing and griping at him was expected but he wasn't too sure was how much longer he could take of this. He pulled at his scrubs the hospital gave to him and looked on at his stressed out husband-who was holding tightly to the side bar on the hospital bed.
The pair was anxiously waiting for the anesthesiologist to bring the very much-needed epidural.
"Justin, would you like an ice chip? I think it'll-"
JC was interrupted by Justin-whose voice went even deeper than Lance's, "WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH THE GODDAMN ICE CHIP, BITCH?! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE WITH YOUR BULLSHIT!! I SWEAR I'LL SHOVE THAT PITCHER UP YOUR MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE, YOU PUSSY!!!"
JC's jaw nearly fell to the floor. Hell, their family members who were waiting in the waiting on the private floor heard and their jaws dropped the floor.
The anesthesiologist miraculously showed up with a nurse in tow into the Timberlake-Chasez's room with the epidural in his hand.
The sight of the doctor brought a brief smile to Justin's face but then he looked at JC and scowled.
"Well, hello there Justin. I can hear that you're in a lot of pain right now. I'm Dr. Chin, the an-"
Justin quickly interrupted the man, "Yes, yes, yes," he breathed out, "the anesthesiologist."
Dr. Chin chuckled, "A bit anxious to get the drugs, I see. The entire floor has heard your pain. I've come to save the day. I see that the P.A. has prepped you, Justin. Have you been warned about the-"
"Yes, yes, yes, I know all that shit already. Just come over here or I'll come walk to you," Justin pleaded loudly. He was tired of waiting and exhausted.
"I heard all that he said, sweetie," the middle-aged nurse whispered to the slump-shouldered JC. "Don't worry once his epidural kicks in, it'll be smooth sailing. He didn't mean anything he said. They always curse their partners out and sing another tune once the baby arrives. You'll see," the nurse made her way to the other side of the bed to help turn Justin over onto his side.
"I hope so," JC muttered under his breath.
He moved to the bed to help the doctor and the nurse turn Justin but before JC placed his hands on Justin's back, Justin hissed, "Don't you even fucking dare touch me."
JC watched the doctor and the nurse do their job and prayed for the epidural to work quickly.
*~*~*~*~*~*
"I looooooooove you, baby," Justin purred in a drug-induced haze.
Justin had changed rapidly from cursing, yelling and hissing to feeling pain free and proclaiming his love for JC and talking in third person.
"You do still love him, right?"
"Love who, Justin?" JC asked.
"Justin, you silly billy. He loves you so much, baby. He didn't mean to call you what he called you, at all. Nope, not one iota." Justin answered, shaking his head furiously.
"Of, course I love you, Justin. I'll always do and always will," JC professed and kissed Justin's hand, which he held.
"Aw, now that's what I like to hear. Well, okay I happened to love the cursing but hearing the love being spread around is a bit better," Dr. Bucknor walked into the delivery room. The nurse assigned to the room had just finished checking Justin and notified the doctor that Justin was fully dilated. Justin nearly surpassed the doctor's estimates. He'd been in labor for eight and a half hours.
"Hi, Doc. I love you." Justin said dreamily.
"I bet you do to, Justin. But not as much as Dr. Chin," she winked and Justin winked right back at her. She chuckled, "Guess what? You're fully dilated. It's game time, Justin," she prepped herself with help of the attending nurse. "Now when I say push I want you to push, okay?"
Justin smiled, "Obee-kaybee, Doc. I'm ready."
The doctor situated herself between the pregnant man's legs, "Push and stop when I finish counting to ten. Ready? Push! 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10! Stop and breathe, Justin!"
Justin did exactly that while JC cheered him on.
"You're doing excellent baby! I love you so much! You can do this!" JC whispered into his husband's ear.
"Push! 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10! And stop! The baby's crowning Justin! I'll probably two more good pushes from you! Okay?"
Justin gritted his teeth a bit and waited for the doctor's command.
He pushed two more times and out came his baby, he placed his hands between his legs, at the doctor's approval, to feel his child, his miracle, come into the new world.
JC and Justin began to cry when they heard their child cry, taking its first breath.
"It's a girl, you two. She's got two of everything she's supposed to have. I'll clean her up a bit and hand her to her proud parents. Congratulations!" The doctor handed the baby to the nurse who cleaned the baby and weighed her.
"Nine pounds, two ounces. Twenty-one inches long." The nurse called out in the delivery room.
The parents gasped in joy at hearing that.
"I knew that kid was heavy," Justin joked shakily, tearing up.
"Would the proud parents like to see their baby girl?" The doctor asked, taking the baby from the obstetric nurse and walking over to couple.
"Oh yes, yes, yes we do," JC sniffed.
The two scoped their child out.
She had light brown wavy hair and a peaches and cream complexion. When the doctor placed the baby into Justin's arms, the infant opened her eyes and stared at her parents.
She had the lightest pair of blue eyes with a dark blue ring surrounding her light hued iris, a perfect mixture of both her parents.
"Oh my, she's beautiful," both her parents cried out at the same time.
The baby yawned, closed her eyes and squirmed in Justin's hands.
"Amerie. Amerie Dominique Timberlake-Chasez," Justin whispered to his daughter and his husband the name he picked out for his little girl.
"I love the name," JC whispered to the two.
"And I love Amerie and you, baby," Justin whispered back lovingly.
JC nodded in agreement, content with his little family.
The End
Foreward to All Paternal and Shit