I'm at that snapping point, know what I mean?
I hate Stress. It's like an infection...it festers and grows and needs to get out and when it does come out, it just like rips you to shreds. It creates a vent. I'm at that point. I feel like I'm about to explode. It's like in those movies when the person starts to twitch and shake and then everything gets all crazy. That's me, that's the story of my life.

My bestfriend called me last night. She's getting married this upcoming Saturday, I'm her maid of honour and she decided to give me some well needed, long overdue relationship advice (thanks Dana,luvya).

It could be that I'm just really stupid or lazy, or a combination of both, but I haven't broken up with my "significant other", in fact just got over a total pregnancy scare, which if it would've happened, could've had devastating consequences (yes, I know, besides the baby).

For those of you who don't know me, I used to be outgoing and the life of the party, now I'm like good old Gramma Pearl. It sucks. Relationships are like those new age "juicers", they suck everythign out of you but then leave behind the bitter pulp. I like that simile, I'll use that as a quote.

Anyway hope ya'll have a good nite. I know I won't, but then again do I ever? Sweet dreams and love ya.

hormones and heat don't mix
it's too hot! plus my hormones are all out of whack. word of advice, never go on depo-provera, it screws with your mind. good news, i quit smoking. feel really good. however, i find myself suffering from exhaustion. not much to say today, just boring stuff. ciao.

alternatives
ALTeRNaTIVEs

Transcendental knowledge
more worshipable
is the actual pleasure of the senses,
full of desire.

Materialists have accepted
another form of earth.

Ether, mind, intelligence, and false ego
how can they be untrue?
This material world is a product of the sun,
If God is anxious, what kind of God is he?

good-bye
Good-Bye


How many times has it been asked?
Proposing or wanting to do a task
of Love, Faith, Hope, Despair.
Meaning to with gentle care.

Wanting the secret to be revealed,
But with your word, my lips are sealed.
Never saying another thought,
These emotions I have constantly fought.

Open up your blackened heart,
Therefore causing the rot to depart.
Tasting the sweetness from your lips,
Joyful tears release their last drips.

Moving on into a life of lies,
Feeding upon your myth, as it flies,
into your world so cruel untold.
How could your pedestal crumble and fold?

Once again I must bid farewell,
to eternal life in the burning pits of hell.
My faithfulness was to you only.
But you tore out my heart, leaving me lonely.

alphabet poetry
ALPHABET POETRY


Abundance
Beyond
Contemporary
Disobedience.
Evolutionary
Fables
Grafting
Harmonious
Idiosyncrasies.
Justified
Karma
Leaves
Man
Never
Obtaining
Perspective.
Questions
Reveal
Sensuous
Taboos
Underground
Vacant
Winks
Xenophobiate
Your
Zone.

image
image

Figment of reality
Visible to me
Not apparent to the world

Grasping to an idea
A problem to my need
Swallowing poison
of a realization.

Hunger for thirst
Cold, refreshing
Image, that is opposite
of
truth.

haiku
Haiku

Midnight comes softly
Stars prevail over calm skies
Blackness seeps in fast

untitled
Untitled

See me as I am
Hear me as I be
Live me as I were
Taste me like I could be
Love me like you should.

porn, what is wrong with you guys?
came back home from doing some bridesmaid dress fittings. i've been keeping low from my boyfriend or whatever you'd call him. on his computer is tonnes of porn and i just don't understand it. what is the attration? a bunch of sluts with crappy make up and even crappier roots sucking of some guy whose size you'll never match. i hate this thing called testosterone.

guys suck.argh!
so yeah, today is definately the day. i'm going to get rid of the parasite. i hate how guys play on your emotions. it's about time that i took a stand and just cut myself off. i hate thinking about how i'm going to be alone. i also hate the whole "dating" thing. you need to get to know someone and can never be really honest about how and who you are at first. then you never really know if it's going to work out and if it doesn't you've wasted precious time.

maybe i try to hard and fall to fast for guys who aren't right. i have a long list of standards, but i can never stick to it. maybe if i did i could find true love and happiness. i just don't want to end up being the crazy cat lady who's 80 and has like a hundred cats living with her all alone, devoid of all human emotion.

anyway i'll write more later about my on again off again relationship with the weaker sex.
ciao.