Predicament
It is unnerving when you are suddenly misunderstood.It's something not very pleasant when what you're trying to convery somehow can't get through the other person because she or she is somehow totally absorbed with his or her very own narcicisstic egotistical instinct. Ok, somehow they misunderstood what you are trying to tell just because you have ommited a word. Somehow explain yourself but the other person had already flared up and doesn't want to listen to you. And to agravate this situation you two are talking online in a messageboard. Somehow you posted something that made the other person furious but you were not aware of it. Until the other person have already spilled rotten and venomous words already. You are inocent of course but on another side of the world this person is already madly furious and so he/she expressed herself on other parts of the board. You just know it all after going back to the board.Oh well, you see how a small omission will start a big fire, what do you do? Try to explain that you were just inocently made a mistake. Hope the other person understands. Of course the two of you haven't even seen each other, but there's a bitter after taste that hangs in the aftermath.Okey, maybe the two of you just forgive and forget.Afterall, there wasn't actually nothing to be upset about. It was just a mistyped words or ommission of certain words that would of course change the meaning of the sentence.But that's the friction that started the fire. Moral of this situation demonstrated:Don't just presume, be very sure before doing something espcially before even openning your mouth.

I left, I wandered, I goofed, I'm back!
Me and J were talking about technological and sociological evolutions. Well, I was describing to him that a lot of things are still done by hand in my homeland in the Philippines. I mean we were talking about technological advancements and sociological advancements. I don't exactly recall how this topic started, but we talked about it. Oh, I remember now. I asked if America is considered a first world country. Well, I come from a third world country and am wondering why the numbers before the country? If the Philippines is considered a third world country? What countries are considered the second world countries. I bet I need to read more about this. Anyhow, I also said that could the advancement technologically led to immorality? Well, his answer was " If there's advancement in technology, people have more time to do what they want, what they really enjoy". Well, I guess it's a valid answer. It's true, in an advance country like the America, people doesn't spend time washing clothes by hand, washing dishes by hand, there's air conditioners, there's water heaters and doesn't have to spend time boiling water. People have more time to pursue thier interests whether in art, music,literature, history, language, travel everything, you name it. Everything is built for convinience. In my country you could still see carabaos plowing the field, which would take forever for farmers to finnish an acre of land to cultivate. In advance countries, big tractors could do it for hours, how convinient and they could do a lot of things in just a few hours. Compared to a Pinoy (Filipino) farmer using a bull or carabao. There are of course some cultures who deliberately shun away from technology in the first world country. But yes, somehow in the evolution, there's always something lost in the process.

I'm unalert, unalive and unenthusiastic!
As I have predicted my feelings have subsided.Feelings of confusion and being torn apart into different directions. Right now I am feeling nothing. Have you ever had those days when nothingness just feels you up. I mean hollow inside. I am also bumming out. I have overslept and now that I am awake I just curled on the couch. Feeling not so alive and unenthusiastic.The idea of my tomatoe plants getting thirsty and dried out have forced me to get up and water them. So far there are two tomato fruits and are still green. I hope those flowers will bear fruits before the end of the season.

I burst into laughter when J called me "mataba"(fat) after I jokingly told me he wasn't a good daddy after bringing me some peaches. I found it funny because of the way he said it and well, he was trying to get back at me for my unkind words. Maybe I should clarify what he just said if he really finds me fat. Well,now, he's saying that I am "payat"(slim). Those tagalog words were actually written at the board where I would write down words for him in tagalog so he could learn. Atleast he made me laugh. He also cooked me Manila style hotdog on a stick pa. I got it at a Filipino store on our way back from visiting some Filipina friends in Atlanta. I also got frozen calamansi and halo-halo flavored ice cream.

Feelings, thoughts and desires
This is ridiculous. Don't you have unwanted feelings and yet you desire them. I mean it feels good, but the mind says, it isn't right. It's almost like a tug of war inside. I am troubled actually. This is something troubling, although it could be normal. What is normal anyway in this world where normal where normalcy is insane? I know these feelings drive me crazy. It bothers me.Even on my OJ I feel uncomfortable to say what it is. Okey, maybe I will just repress these feelings for a little while longer. See if it goes away after a few days. It usually goes away. I have had this before and it faded away.

Just thoughts, just feelings, just me
I believe that keeping a healthy physique. Maintaining a healthy body will enable a healthy mind to work and keeps the psyche working well. So even if I get so lazy at times I try hard to get exercise even by walking or being active. I get a lot of minor aches when I skip exercising for a long time. And even right now that I get so stressed out from work. I mean a new job, a whole new job where I have never had experiences before makes me tense and squirm underneath despite trying to be calm and confident affront. I try to keep my physical fit so that my spirits will remain strong despite the stress of everyday life.

Anyways, we went jogging today at Wesleyan College field track. It's a lovely place with two lakes and goose floating by the water. There are other fields, a baseball field, an equestrian and perhaps three tennis courts. I would love to go play tennis there but it seems it's just for students.

By the field track was just a wide open field, very woody area, quiet. Just the right place for a tired soul like me. It reminded me so much of home, especialy my parents' place. This was a a very solitude moment for me, to be able to talk to myself and talk to the heavens and whoever lives above the skys and beyond. I suddenly felt nostalgic. Gosh, how I miss home. Not to mention that it's our second wedding anniversary of our church wedding in the Philippines. The very tranquil place calmed my troubled soul.More of a stressed soul from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. I went around the track three times without even noticing the sweltering hot sun. It's high noon, I normally wouldn't last that long under the sun. But today was different. There was more of a spiritual touch to it. I have enjoyed it. It was almost like I was transported to another world and time and suddenly brought back to where I was.It was a lovely afternoon. We look forward to do some trail hiking in fall when it's not that hot and the weather would be agreable for hiking. And perhaps we'll be able to go up to the mountains and be able to see snow. I admit I have never seen nor touched snow, so that would be a new experience for me. Perhaps when the weather gets cooler we could go up Stone Mountains in Atlanta. I would love that.

That track and field was so quiet except for an elderly couple walking around. That place gives me that nostalgic feelings with the crickets humming and birds chirping, it almost gave me a sad feeling.It reminds me so much of my younger days I spent by the woods with my sisters at my parents' place. Those quiet days, we even took naps under the trees with some banana leaves spread and just snooze off without anybody to disturb us. Except when it rains or some wild animals come crushing our slumber party.

Anyways,my day ended with sore feet as usual.Got to rest these feet for another busy day.

The world of the paranornmal
I have always been fascinated with the paranormal phenomena. Anything that couln't be explained catches my attention. I admit I had been an x-files addict that in one of my fictitious writtings I entitled it the M-files. M after my name. Aside from watching the tv series of the x-files I also read some of the books and some tapes of the x-files. I just stopped maybe a year ago when I got so mad how they would end up the tv series with a suspense.

Okey, I am sure you yourself must have heard unexplained phenomenon like aliens and all that UFO thing. Since they are still unexplained it still remain as a subject of curiousity to a lot of people.

I have always wondered about ESP- Extra Sensational Perception, psychic abilities and others that are classified under the "unexplained."

They say that if a person losses any of his senses like the sense of sight, the other sense tends to become extra sensitive. In a way I believe it's true and I think some sceintific studies prove that.

Now, way back when I was in college. I had a blind classmate. Out of curiousity I sometimes followed him to see if he knows where he was going just using the stick as a guide. I'm sure it wasn't only the stick that anabled him to be able to travel and ride the jeepney and come to school and go to the right classroom. He might be offered help from time to time. But whenever people would talk to him, he would try to touch the face or the person as if trying to memorize the facial features or even the voice. It's amazing how he could tell one from the other people. I believe his sense are more sensitive that the ordinary pesron. I also discovered that he has this talking watch so he could tell the time. He amazes me, how he could do all things by himself. Of course he must have undergone some studies in special classes in a braille school and some none profit agencies helping the blind to be able to be independent and even go to a normal university. I still wonder what it's like there in the dark world were sound and touch cannot be painted.

A lot of times there are some unexplained phenomena in my life myself. Sometimes they happen in my dreams. I believe dreams are not just dreams. I have different kinds of dreams that I experience when sleeping. There are of course sweet dreams that I sometimes have that I almost wanted to stay there and never wake up. There are some random dreams that just doesn't make sense, doesn't have order, one scene jumping to another. And there's one that's seems very vivid, it almost felt real. And sometimes I get these nightmares mostly something or someone is chasing me and I would run and run to exhaustion that upon waking up, I would feel too tired instead of being rested. Some of my dreams are so strange. Sometimes in my dreams I feel like my spirit comes out of my physical body and roams around to the unknown world.And when I suddenly wake up I feel my soul suddenly goes back to my physical body.Sounds creepy. But that's what makes me wonder about different dimensions and out of body experiences. Aside of course by experiences induced by drugs. Well, perhaps I'll keep wondering and learn more about these things unexplainable. maybe some days modern science could give explanations, if I would still be alive by then, or hopefully my soul would be reincarnated and I would have a second lifetime.

GO GET A LIFE! SCUMBAG!
Life is just so mysterious.No one can really give a definite definition for it. Of course we have our own definitions of life.How do you define life? Your own life?

It could be a journey from the moment of conception till death and even after death.Who knows what really there is beyond death.

It seems that life is the co-existence of both bad and the good, the positive and the negative forces. Sorrounding us, penetrating us and we live in contant struggle and tug of war between these two forces.Sometimes we couldn't tell between the two because any of the two are living among us.Sometimes the evil diguised in the form of a holy face. How can we even tell from all the confusions of this world. There are a lot of things we can never undertand and explain about life.

Let's take a look of the weather. It could be rainy, it could be sunny,cloudy, misty or foggy even cloudy.The weather seems to match the human emotion. Sunny disposition for happy people.The rain symbolizes tears.Sometimes misfortunes are called "storms" in life. Of course the gray clouds symbolizes confusion,doubts and fears. And I bet we all have shades of grays once in a while. Gray or black clouds would sometimes mean sadness or lonliness. But we all live under the sun so we take turns having the sunny side of life. Of course we all have rainbows after rainbows as we pass year after year in our lives.

One can never explain life until he/she has one or that he/she has been through it all. The world is constantly turning, which reminds me to do something with my life.

I often think life as a journey. We all are set forth in a journey at this surface of the earth. And in this journey, we have missions to accomplish. We are given this life as a clay and we are given all the chances to mold it and shape it to whatever we want it to be. We are given the chance to color it, to do all the best we can to improve this mold.

Some other times I think of life as a puzzle. We are given the puzzle pieces and we are set forth to put the puzzle pieces together. A lot of times it takes trial and error to perfect it but I think that we are given the chance to do all over again. And we also have to abide by the rules of the game. I have noticed that if we try to cheat life, we get in trouble or we perish. We might get away with cheating once in a while but it will catch us eventually. There's a built in tool that tells us we are not doing things right. It is called conscience.

Life is wonderful. It has all the colors of the universe. Often times we are too busy to notice it. Maybe if we stop once in a while, we might be able to see the life's wonderful colors and feelings starting to come out in the open.

I think that no matter how I describe life, it will just be a mere idea.Or it could just be a point of view from my stand point.I believe we all look at life in different ways and different angles depending which side of the spectrum one is standing. So, I leave it all to you'll to figure out how you would define and color yours. You have to figure out yourself.

Why I love my OJ
I love it because it is a form of catharsis, an outlet. It is a venting area as well as a friend. I could blabber all I want and OJ will never get tired of me.It's also a thinking space for me. A way of exercising my brain cells as well as my fingers. A place for me to do all the nutting. Of course it helps broaden my vocabularies. A way of putting everyday life thoughts into writting. A way of defining the inner thoughts and feelings we often can't define orally. It's alo a form of art, a form of self expression. a form of self-discovery and self-understanding.A way of writting things on one's own terms and style. Another reason why I luv my OJ, I love writting. I apprecaite the power of words (the mighty pen) well, not pen in this case, but the power of technology. A way of improving my writting skills by every literary attempts.From poems to monologue to just simply creative writting. As one friend mentioned, it feeds the ego. I can talk about I, myself and me. Or just talk to myself and I don't have to bother anybody,excpet of course those who read it. They say that if you read others OJ, you are just like a peeping tom. I guess it depends what the other person discloses and depends what you chose to read and see. Personally I fear disclosure.I mean bearing out my soul to invisible audience(atleast invisible spectators/readers). In a way this is different . It depends what one writes in his or her OJ. Somehow whatever one writes down tells a lot about that person. Well, I like to learn what's going on with other people's lives.And to have a peek into aother person's soul somehow help me understand other people and understand myself as well. And blogging is a hobby that I have acquired and it is fun. HAPPY BLOGGING!

Changes
Marching into the unknown armed with nothing. That's the way I feel about changes in life.Can be exciting at the same time frightening.Just imagine going out there not knowing what's gonna happen next. It's either bad or good or alternately. I know, I have the fear of the unknown but I have the given curiousity to go out there in the unknown world and explore. I guess that's what they call risking. Well they say that "To risk nothing is to risk everything." Yup so how will we know if we don't give it a try.So, perhaps I should go ahead and march into the unknown and find out. If I won't succeed, atleast I tried. Because as they say "Where nothing is ventured, nothing is gained". "No pain, no gain." And who was that who also said that the greatest regret a man can have is not trying? It's almost like holding your piece forever.

We are all travelling in the path of life and changes happens. Have you noticed it keeps going and going. Have you found yourself saying "I am HERE at last." Perhaps for a second you would think that, but after a while you would have to keep going. As Lao Tzu said "a good traveller does not have a fixed plan, and the goal is not the arriving." And he also said that the journey to a thousand miles begins with one step. So I better make my first step into this mile long journey.

On a Crossroad
Too many options, too confusing
How do I know which way to go, I sing

I have to stop in a halt
Maybe dance a while in a waltz

But when the music stops
I have to hurry in a hop

Or the train will leave me behind
Then the roads I will never find

Which way do I go?
Which way do I go?

Now, I have to make a decision
Or else I will be left with contrition

Gather my baggage and head on
I will leave away bygone

Move on, carry on, move forward
I will take every yard by yard

Soon I will be there
wherever will that be, with paid fare.