Chapter 9
The late July sun beat down on me, and the wind whipped through my hair from the open car windows, but the only thing on my mind was the long conversation with my brothers that night. We talked about the situation for over an hour. I spilled everything to them. What I really felt for Robyn, how much I had screwed up, and how I’d been acting ever since.
I’ll never forget what Zac said to me. He said “Taylor, you’re acting just like you did when Kristy died. There’s one main difference. Kristy’s gone forever. There’s no way you can get her back. But Robyn, she’s still here, if you care that much about her go and get her back.” It had been a wake up call to me. Nothing had ever made so much sense. I left my parent’s house that night comforted, so now two days later I was ready to seek Robyn out, but first had to put myself to peace.
Eventually I pulled up to the front gates of the cemetery. I got out and walked the short distance to Kristy’s grave. I paused for a second when I got there, not knowing what to do. I’d never actually spoken to her when I came here. Maybe that’s what it would take.
I got down on my knees in from of the marker. I felt the burning sensation of tears in my eyes before I even began to speak. “I miss you so much” I finally choked out. “I think about you all of the time, everything that we missed out on. I wish you were still here with me.”
The tears were flowing faster, but my voice was getting stronger now. “I know you’d want me to be happy, and she makes me so happy. I hope you understand,” I said. The warm breeze picked up; it felt like her fingers brushing through my hair. The little hairs on the back of my neck began to stand up. I knew she had heard me.
“I promise you Kristy, I promise I’ll never let her take your place in my heart. I’ll always love you, no matter what” I finished in a whisper. I sat for a while longer letting all of my emotions run dry. It gave me the strength to do what I had to do next.
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When I arrived at Robyn’s apartment complex I stayed in my car for a few minutes working up the courage to go up to her door. “It's now or never” I thought as I opened the car door and stepped out. Knots twisted in my stomach as I approached Robyn’s door, but I did my best to ignore them.
She opened the door shortly after I knocked. For a moment we just stood and stared at each other. “Robyn, can we please talk?” I asked softly. She didn’t say anything, but stepped aside and let me in.
She walked wordlessly into the kitchen, and I followed. As I stood trying to come up with the right words, she spoke instead. “I thought you’d come,” she said so softly I wasn’t positive that’s what she had said. She finally turned and faced me. She had tears in her eyes.
“Can’t we please try?” I finally asked.
“I want to Taylor, I want to more than anything. But you know, and I know, I can never be your Kristy” she spoke with words that hurt. I wasn’t going to let her win so easily though.
“You don’t have to have to be. You can be my Robyn” I told her. I started to close the distance between us. “Don’t you see Robyn, I’m not thankful that God took her away so I could have you. But if He had to take her, I’m so thankful that it was you He let me have.” By then I was right by her side. I reached out and ran a hand down her tear-stained face. I didn’t know where the words come from, but I meant every one of them.
“But what about last time. It didn’t work Taylor. What makes you think it’ll work this time” she still protested.
“I know, I panicked, and I’m so sorry. I was scared, but I’m not anymore. Let me show you” I said.
“Show me?” she asked confused.
“Come here” I said and took her by the hand. I led her out of the kitchen and down the hall to her bedroom. “Let me show you here” I whispered once we had entered the dimly lit room.
She looked toward the unmade bed, and then back at me. “Are you sure?” she asked. I nodded simply. She stepped closer to me, and looked into my eyes with her own looking so vulnerable. I reached out and touched her face again. Then my arm traveled down her back, pulling her in for the first passionate kiss.
