Chapter 7
The next day I didn’t hear anything from Robyn. I must have picked up the phone a hundred times to call her, but never got up the courage to go through with it. I justified it by convincing myself that she would need time. I also knew that if I did talk to her I wouldn’t know what to say. I couldn’t explain what had happened the night before. I had just panicked, and now I felt terrible about it. I was so scared that she’d never forgive me.
I spent most of the day sitting in a chair at the kitchen table analyzing everything that had taken place recently. It got me no where. I still didn’t know how I was going to make it up to Robyn, how I was going to explain what was going on in my head, and most importantly how I was going to move on with my life.
Night finally came and I made my way up to my bed. Not to sleep, but only to be haunted with the same questions over and over again. The long, restless night provided me with more time to plan what I was going to tell Robyn, but still didn’t provide much comfort to me. All I knew was I had to talk to her and I had to talk to her soon.
When I was still in bed the next morning I heard the doorbell ring. Racing down the stairs, I was exited to see Robyn car in the driveway. I gathered my composer to answer the door. Immediately I could tell she had been crying recently, and my heart sank.
“Robyn, I’m so sorry!” I exclaimed. “Come in please, we need to talk.”
She shook her head. “No, I just come over to bring this to you.” She held out her hand. It was then that I realized she was carrying a shirt of mine. It was the one I had worn over to her house that night. I had left in such a hurry I had only grabbed my jeans.
“What?” I asked her. I didn’t understand what she was doing.
“Taylor, I know you think I’m mad at you. But I’m not. I understand this is hard for you, and I feel for you” she started.
“Then why are you doing this?” I asked in a whisper. Tears were quickly forming in my eyes, and I felt the wind being knocked out of me as I realized she was leaving me.
“Taylor, I’m looking for a serious relationship right now. You’re obviously not ready for that. I’m sorry, but I have to go” she said. I could tell by the look on her face that she didn’t want to, but felt she had to.
“Please Robyn. I am ready. I just got scared. Let me show, let me make it up to you” I begged. Anything to get her to change her mind.
“Don’t make this harder than it already is” she fought back her own tears. “This is better for both of us.”
“No” I whispered. I knew this wasn’t better for me, but she turned and walked away anyway. As I watched her start down the walkway to her car every inch of me wanted to call after her, run after her, do anything to stop her. But I couldn’t, some unknown force stopped me.
Shocked I stepped back into my house and closed the door. Then I broke down, collapsing to my knees and sobbing harder than ever. No not again, I thought over and over. “Why are you doing this to me? Why are you taking them away? Why can’t you just let me be happy?” I screamed towards the ceiling. I always blamed God for taking Kristy away from me, and now I had every intention of blaming Him for Robyn too.
Suddenly I felt sick to my stomach. I couldn’t go through this again. Losing Kristy had been the hardest thing I’d ever been though. I didn’t think my heart could take something like that again. I staggered to the bathroom just in time before the contents of my stomach forced their way out of me.
I closed my eyes. My heart ached, and every inch of my body felt miserable. My tear-stained, sweat-soaked face burned as if I had a fever and my head pounded furiously. My whole body felt heavy. Automatically I lay down on the floor. The cool tile added a small about of comfort to my burning face, but no comfort to any thing else. Still I couldn’t move. For hours I laid flooding the floor with my tears, and feeling nothing but misery.
