Ssh, we have something. You know that we do. And I know that I tried to deny it for a very long time, but it's there and it's this chemistry and it's not like anything I've ever felt before.-- from the March 1st show
Tears are still steaming down my face as I walk into the darken study. I could not be in our bedroom when Danny got out of the shower. I was more afraid of what I would say to him, but I also didn’t want him to know how he got to me. It was pure torture sitting on our bed listening to the shower. Every time, that I tried to close my eyes, all I saw was Danny. Danny in the shower. For one brief moment of insanity, I was tempted to join Danny in the shower. A blush spreads over my cheeks. But Danny and I don’t have that kind of marriage. I can’t keep lying to myself. I want Danny. My whole body aches with need. It is the same need that haunts my dreams every night. It is getting harder and harder for me to deny it. But being imitate with Danny means so much more than the physical side, I want to feel loved and desired. Now, it would be just about the physical need, and I can’t do that.
As tears continue to fall down my face, I try to shake Danny’s angry voice from head. It hurt so much when he said that. The pain just seemed to penetrate my heart. “Don’t worry yourself. I know that I am not the one that keeps you up at night. It is Jesse, it will always be about Jesse.” My whole body just froze when he said that to me. I was so filled with fury that I couldn’t think straight. It was not about Jesse anymore. Actually, Jesse was not even a consideration anymore. He was my past and I realized that maybe he wasn’t supposed to be my future. My future was with Danny. I used to be scared by that but not anymore. Now I wanted it. I embraced the idea of being Danny’s wife. Hell, I wanted to be his wife in every way. I wanted to be the person who comforted him, loved him, made love to him, and had his children. Mostly, I wanted to be the one he confided in. But now, I would just take having Danny around. I am so sick of fighting. I am even more determined to announce to Danny that I want to go back to school. I need to go back, because if I don’t, I will wilt away and turn into someone that I don’t like.
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What have I done? Michelle has run off because of what I said. I can’t believe that this is happening. We are drifting further and further apart. She probably hates me right now. I can’t blame her because I hate myself even more. I need to find her and apologize. No, I want to apologize to Michelle. I can’t bear the thought of Michelle hating me. I want her to love me. Even when I am away, I still lay awake at night, and think of Michelle. She haunts my thoughts and my dreams. At night sleeping in all those the hotels, I tried to reach out to her, but then I had to remind myself that she was in Springfield. Not that being in our bed with her at night was any better. It was torture. I ached to touch her, to wrap her in my arms. I wanted Michelle so much that my soul ached. But with each of us lying at opposite ends of the bed, it seemed like we were miles apart, and now, that gulf was widening.
I had to find Michelle. I had to make her understand. Maybe, we can try to work things out, so we can be in the same room as each other without fighting. I spring off the bed and hurry to the door determined to find my wife. As I put my hand on the doorknob, it begins to twist, and the door opens to reveal Michelle on the other side. She has been crying. Her eyes are still red. I know that I am the reason she has been crying. I take a silent breath waiting for Michelle to say something. As Michelle walks into the room, I instinctly move backwards towards the bed. Thousand different things are running through my mind as I sit down on the edge of the bed. Very slowly, Michelle walks in front of me and sits on one of the chairs, so she is facing me at eye level. With a hint of uncertainty, she takes a deep breath. “Danny, we need to talk.”
Oh, no. Here it comes. A lump is beginning to form in my throat. Hesitantly, I nodded my head, and let her talk.
To be continued…
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