As the fog clears from my mind, I suddenly become aware of the fact that I am sitting on a patch of cold wet grass, and shivers start to run through my body. I had become numb to the cold grass, but now, I can't stop shivering. Hugging my knees to my chest, I relish the warmth that begins to envelope my body.

As I rock back and forth, images of the past couple of hours come flooding back, and so do the tears. I try to shake my head in an attempt to stop the images. Every part of my body starts to shiver. Every nerve begins to be exposed to the raw pain that I have tried so valiantly to push out of my mind. Closing my eyes, all I can see is the manila envelope with the photos. Those horrible photos.

I can't stop those voices in the back of mind from screaming louder and louder in my head. Those "quotes" on those pictures begin to torture me. My head feels like it is going to explode. I shake my head and keep mumbling "no, no," trying to get the voices to stop. I just want them to leave me alone. I just want to be left alone.

Exhaustion soon overtakes my body. My bones feel so weary. I am so tempted to go back home and crawl into bed, and let the blankets warm me, but I am so scared. I don't want to go back home. I still find it hard to say that the Santos house is my "home" but it is. It is where Danny is, and my home is where Danny is.

But right now, I am not sure if I can go home and pretend that everything is alright when it is not. I don't know how much longer I can lie to myself and Danny. Danny. I completely forgot about him. What is he going to do when he realizes that I know about the letter? What if there are more?

My mind is racing with so many ideas, and soon, they become jumbled thoughts. This, I sigh to myself, is not going to help. I have to think about what I am going to. Things have changed. I am aware of the danger that is always lurking in the corner, and now, I am going to have to face it head on.

Will I be able to stomach it? How I will be able to live like this? How could I ever justify Danny's way of life? That was not something that I can sweep under the rug anymore. I have to decide if Danny is worth the price of my freedom, my sense of normalcy and safety. Oh, Mama, I think to myself as I brush my hand across the cold gravestone, what should I do? What I am going to do now?

******************

The sounds of blaring horns and screech of brakes begin to wear thin on my patience. Traffic is unbearable today. Impatiently, I begin to tap my fingers on the steering wheel. Ever since I left Abby, a plan began to formulate in my head. I was going to find Michelle and back her into a corner until she admitted to me what was wrong. I needed to find my wife. I just hope that Michelle would not ask me any questions about my own situation, and that she would not walk away from me when I could not give her any answers. I can't lose Michelle now.

With a renewed sense of determination, I reach for the cell phone and punch the numbers that I know by heart. Panic starts to race through my mind when nobody picks on the other end. Where the hell was he? I thought that he promised me that he would be there. Damnit. Bernard had hired Raul to help watch over Michelle during our transition. Raul had proven to be a good man. He was honest, quiet, and willing to take his orders from only Bernard or myself.

Michelle didn't know that Raul had been following her around. Raul knew that secrecy was at the utmost importance especially after Michelle became aware of her other bodyguard's presence. The ringing of my cell phone begins to calm my frayed nerves a little. Before the second ring, I grab the phone impatiently, and start to bark orders to the person on the other end.

"Where the hell were you? I thought that I told to answer the phone at all times. No don't care." The veins in my neck are strangled with anxiety. My palms are sweating. My nerves are completely shot.

Raul sighs. In a no nonsense voice, that tells me he would not be put off by my anger, he cooly tells me, "Yeah, Boss, I am sorry about that. But I was out in the open when you called, and I didn't want any attention drawn to me. Look, I told you--"

"I know what you told me, and I want you to give me some answers now! I am paying you to watch over my wife, and if anything happens--" I snap

"I know, I know. And I told you that I would make sure that nothing happens to her, Boss. I gave you my word, and I have no intention in breaking that promise.."

"Raul," I say trying to calm myself down, "I am not questioning your loyalty. If Bernard trusts you, then I know that I can trust you too. I just need to find my wife. I have to find her now."

"I understand, Boss. What am I going to tell you is going to make things easier for you. I found Michelle."

I let a sigh of relief when Raul tells me that he found Michelle. Then the impatience hits me all over again as I try to maneuver through the rush hour traffic. As I race past the stopped cars, I begin to bark orders to Raul.

"Raul, listen to me. You have to make sure that Michelle stays where she is. I can't lose track of her again because this might be the only chance that I get to talk to her."

As soon as Raul gives me the ok, I throw down the phone on the passenger seat, and hope to God that I will not be too late. I just hope that Michelle will listen to me. I can't help shake this feeling in the pit of my stomach when Raul told me where Michelle was.

After finally reach my destination, I am in such a hurry to find Michelle that I forget to take off my seatbelt, and my body jerks forward against the chair. Silently cursing myself, I unhook the seatbelt and toss it over my shoulder.

After taking several wrong turns, I am finally able to find Michelle. My heart almost stops beating when I see Michelle in a secluded part of the cemetery. Pain and sadness flood through every fiber of my body. Michelle is hunched over, rocking back and forth, her hands brushing over the headstone. As I step forward, I try to make out the name. My heart starts to break when I finally see the name: Maureen Reardon Bauer.

Michelle seems so childlike, so fragile. I resist the urge to sweep her into my arms and wipe away all her tears. I long to comfort her but I am not sure how Michelle will react to me being here. Are we back to being uncertain allies again? Or has fear of each other come back to haunt us?

Silently, I lean my forehead against the cold metal bars of the fence, trying to collect my thoughts, the coolness of the fence does not seem to bother me. It is funny that a lot of things don't bother me anymore that used to. The only thing that bothers me is that my wife and I may be back to the same place that we had fought so hard to move away from.

Taking a deep breath, I finally decide that I have to talk to her. I have to make her listen. Taking cautious steps, I begin to walk to Michelle's crumpled form, and as I begin to walk towards her, Michelle immediately senses someone behind her because her body shoots upward. A thousand thoughts race through my mind.

I wonder if Michelle is able to sense my presence as soon as I walk in a room or does she think of me very time that she closes her eyes? I wonder if it is the same for her. It does not matter what I am doing or thinking because Michelle is always on my mind, and always will be. As I open my eyes, Michelle is standing in front of me with blazing eyes.

"Danny, now that you know where I am, I would really appreciate it, if you would leave. I just wanted to be left alone. I can't deal with you right now," she says in a low whisper brimming with anger.

As she turns away from me, I grab her arm, and pull her around to face me. I was not going to let her walk away without a fight. "No, Michelle," I tell her in a firm tone, "I am not going anywhere. I will stay here all night, if I have to. You are my wife and something is wrong, and I will do anything to find out what is going on."

Michelle looks at me with a weary glance, shrugging her shoulders, she sits back in the same spot that she had been in. "Fine, Danny. You want to stay but I am not here to talk to you, I am here to get some peace of mind. I have nothing to say to you. I am getting sick of this, of everything, Danny."

I want to wrap her in my arms and protect her from all the bad and ugly things in my life. I wish that I could walk away without a second glance, but I can't. I would give anything to be able to do that but I don't have that kind of freedom in my life.

I give her a slight smile. Michelle can be really stubborn but so can I. "I guess that I will go sit on the bench over there." Michelle gives me a slight nod.

As soon as I sit down, my eyes are drawn at the sight before me as her features become accented by the moonlight. It takes my breath away. The ringing of my cell phone snaps me out of my daydreaming.

"What?" I growl

"Boss, it's Raul. I just got home, and there is something that you should know. "

Fear, panic, and nervousness flood through my body at once. I grip the cell phone so tight that my hand starts to ache. "What the hell is the matter, Raul? I told you to stay here," I say in a strangled voice.

As my voice begins to rise in anger, I glance nervously over to Michelle to see if she is paying attention to me. Good, I think to myself, Michelle is still ignoring me, but I can't take any chances, so I turn my back and walk over to a nearby tree.

"Raul, what the hell is going on? If it is about my mother then--"

"It is about your wife, Danny."

Alarm bells start to go off in my head. "Michelle is fine, she is here with me. Oh god, is someone after her? I will kill anyone who--"

"Danny. She is safe, I have been checking out our sources, and we have not turned up anything. But something has come up, and well, it changes everything."

"What? I don't under--Oh, god, please don't tell me that this is really happening. Damnit!." My knees are shaking so hard that my body begins to sway.

"Yeah, Danny. I am afraid so. She must have found it today because I found the envelope scattered all over the floor. Luckily, I got home before Carmen found it, because--"

I finish the sentence for him. "Because if Mama saw it, then she would know the truth, and she would blackmail me with it. I though that you said that you hid it. I told you that Michelle could never find it. Damn. What the hell am I going to do now? Michelle is going to have a lot of questions, and I have no answers to give her."

"Look, Danny. I know that this is a bad situation all around but you knew that this day was coming. Just be glad that Carmen did not find it first. I have taken care of it. I made sure that everything has been moved and Bernard is keeping tabs on Carmen."

"Look, Raul. I have to go. I need to talk to my wife, and I need her to know that I will do anything to protect her."

Michelle's soft voice catches me off guard. "Yes, Danny, you do need to talk to me. Please tell me that you won't do anything that will put you in danger. Please."

"Michelle," I begin nervously. Looking into her questioning eyes, I know that we have to talk. "I think that we need to talk. Before I say anything, I need you to know that I would never hide anything from you, if I didn't have a good reason. I need to you to trust me."

Michelle gives me a slight nod, and leans into me, so that her face is right in front of me, and lays her head on my shoulder. In a small whisper, Michelle says, "Danny. I don't want to talk about this right now. I found the envelope on Carmen's desk, I know that someone is after you. I can't bear the idea of losing you, Danny, and I know that I should not have gone through your things, but I had to know. I had to. Danny, I am so scared of what might happen, but please, don't treat me like a baby, please. I am your wife and I want to help you. Please, let me help you, please me let me comfort you. That is all I ask. I just want you to hold me and help me forget all this. I need to know that you will not leave me, that you will be here when I need you. Please, Danny."

A lump in my throat begins to form, and I am so choked up with emotion that I can barely speak. I instinctively wrap my arms around Michelle and pull her tighter to me. I sigh into her hair relishing her warmth, and her willingness to stay with me. I need her as much she needs me right now. And I will be damned if I was going to let anyone take her away from me.

I just hope that Michelle will not regret this. I will never be able to live with myself if being with me destroys Michelle's spirit and goodness. She does not deserve to be soiled by my family's dirty business, she does not deserve anything that my family represents.

Michelle must sense my thoughts because she wraps her arms tighter around me, and says in a muffled voice, "You deserve your dreams to come true too, Danny. You deserve so much more than you have now."

With that, I pull away from her, and take her face in my hands, kiss her passionately.

Chapter 14
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