“I found it!” Olivia screamed from down the hall and ran into the den where the rest of the girls were wrapping the boys’ presents. “I knew they would bring it. They have too much pride not to. All their albums are with them, they’re just hidden and you have to know where to look.”
I laughed as she popped in the Moffatts’ Christmas album from when they were very young. “Do you think they’ll like the ID bracelets?” I asked.
“Oh I’m sure they will. I know they don’t wear much jewelry, but it’s from us so they’ll love it,” Nati said. She furred her brow and wiped her forehead with the back of her sleeve. “That reminds me, have any of you seen my ring lately? I can’t find it.”
“What ring? Which of the millions?” Sara demanded as she taped wrapping paper down on a very large box.
Natalia thought for a moment. “Uhh...my black onyx one. The one that I never take off, ever. It seems it has taken off.”
We all shook our heads. “If we see it, we’ll tell you,” I comforted her.
Clint
I again folded the pile of laundry that Scott had inevitably knocked off my bed. This time I was smart enough to put the clothing away as well. Scott sat on the bed, emotionless, with Kate’s presents in his hand.
He shoved the gifts across the bed to me. “Can I commission you to wrap these? If I do it myself, there will be a pound of tape on it by the time I finish. You’re so anal retentive, I know you’ll do a good job.”
In a sigh, I tried to ignore the insult and just accept the compliment. “Yeah, sure. Just leave them there and I’ll do yours when I do Liv’s,” I complied. Scott nodded his thanks and exited the room quietly.
I had less than one day to finish wrapping my brother’s and Olivia’s gifts. Deciding on her present was easier than I expected, mostly because I’d bought it months in advance. I purchased a little gift for Liv when we were touring in England. In Westminster Abbey, Olivia remarked that she always wanted to get married there. While she mooned over the ornate décor, I picked up a special charm of the abbey in the gift shop. I had it engraved with our initials and it will be a special charm on her charm bracelet.
Each of the girls is receiving a charm bracelet as a collective gift from the boys. Each bracelet has the Moffatts logo, the Nine Lives logo, a little heart, their instrument, and two other charms significant to the girl. We know none of them really wear much jewelry, with the exception of Natalia’s pounds of accessories, but nonetheless we know they will love them because the gifts are from us.
Liv’s charm glistened copper and silver in the dim light of my room. I placed the trinket in its box, wrapped the box quickly and stuck a big golden bow on top. Perfect.
A sudden movement aside of me caught my eye. I raised my head and noticed the lightly falling snow outside my window. The beautiful flakes drew me to the window, and I pressed a shaking hand to the freezing pane. My breath steamed the window, and I could see my own reflection.
I closed my eyes and remembered. The snow...lightly drifting and alighting on the folds of Sara’s hair, the curves of her eyelashes and lips, melting into her skin. I could still taste the snow as it landed on my tongue.
Why was I shaking, still? I wasn’t cold, but richly warm like being heated from the inside out with a deep strobe of pure light.
I felt a slight guilt from being so devious with Olivia’s present in the room. It could have been Liv herself sitting in on my thoughts of Sara and the snow.
But I couldn’t stop...
Sara
Sleep never actually came. It lingered, and wavered, visited my grateful eyes, and then decided to leave me alone and confused at 5 am. So, staring out from under my blankets at the freshly fallen snow, I tried to think of nothing.
Sleep was an enticing temptation of relaxation amidst the lingering stress and guilt that advanced ever since the mistletoe. No wonder I was the first one awake, and lately, one of the last to find sleep.
Somewhere around the later part of 6 am, when the early rising sun first glinted off the powder snow, I resolved to get out of bed and get ready for Christmas morning. I sat up in bed and stretched, catlike and yawning. Kate still slept quietly in her bed, and I tiptoed to my dresser in hopes that I would not wake her too early. I dressed quickly and waited for more signs of life in the household.
Minutes later, I had fallen asleep nestled back in my bed. A delicious dream conjured a smile as whatever my unconscious mind would not let me dwell upon was thrown into a conscious fantasy.
That new feeling. I hadn’t felt so cool and deliberate in so long. Suddenly I knew what was happening to me, and I liked it. Suddenly I felt I had a hand in my future, that I was not just along for the ride with someone else playing my part. I realized I could say no to Bob, to Olivia; I could say yes to Clint. The fate of my life did not rest in his being. I had tasted the forbidden fruit that I was not even aware was around. It was good, so good.
And such a sweet song was playing too...such a sweet song from a melodious voice that echoed:
“I don’t need a carol, you are my Christmas song,
I don’t need to write a list, my present has been here all along,
There is no need for an angel to top the tree,
I have the angel I need right beside me.
The only thing I ask for Christmas,
The only thing I need,
Is to let you know I love you,
And to know that you love me.”
It stuck in my head for days, and I had myself convinced that he sung it to me each and every time. I knew it wasn’t true, but hell, I can dream can’t I?
For a few moments, the truth caught me. The truth that he was with Olivia. Oh yeah, and I am with Bob. I remembered all this as the snow lightly drifted around me. Somehow I had floated outside and was now standing on the porch, watching the forest trees lighten with sunlight and snow.
So it couldn’t happen between us, because they’re happy. And we’re...happy. Right. We’re happy.
Bob
“Christmas, Christmastime is here!” Kate sang and pirouetted around the living room about the Christmas tree. “Time for love and time for cheer!”
“Shut the fuck up!” Natalia screamed, and held her head in her hands. “Somebody get me a goddamn aspirin. And Kate if you start to ‘carol’ one more time I’m gonna shove a fucking reindeer up your ass.”
Kate smiled and skipped out of the room. “Have yourself a merry little Christmas...”
Natalia growled. “Bloody bitch...” She murmured. A cynical smile peaked on her lips. “So, it’s Christmas. What’s happening?”
I pulled out a sprig of mistletoe from the Christmas decorations, and walked over to her. “Now you have to give me a little Christmas kiss. Smooch up.”
Thankfully she laughed and gave me a little peck on the cheek. I turned to Sara, “Don’t worry, darling. It meant nothing to me.”
“OH thanks! Just what I need, another boy rejecting me.” Natalia scowled.
Sara skipped over to me and stood there, ever so innocently. “Can I make a wish?”
Wish whatever you’d like. I rolled my eyes and bent down for her to kiss my cheek. Sara puckered up, and like the evil boy I am, I turned at the right moment.
Natalia squealed in disgust. “Ewww...get a room. You people make me sick. All kissy and lovey dovey. I can’t stand it. Go jump out a window.”
I laughed at her response, “Somebody’s bitter and lonely this Christmas. “
“Not bitter...a little lonely,” she conceded. “Ok maybe a little bitter.”
Sara smiled and whispered loudly enough for Natalia to hear, “All she wants for Christmas is a boy named Dave, a boy named Dave, a—“
“SHUT the FUCK UP,” Natalia shouted as she left the room and went to the bathroom.
Definitely bitter.
Olivia
I slowly crept down the stairs, almost entranced by the soft strains of piano being played in the living room. I strained to hear the voice singing to the music.
"...The only thing I ask for Christmas
The only thing I need
Is to let you know I love you
And to know that you love me”
I froze halfway down the steps leading to the first floor. I could see Clint sitting behind the piano, playing the soft ballad. Slowly, others tickled into the room, drawn by the random music being played on Christmas day.
Clint finished the song. I still stood on the stairs, my hand plastered to the banister. I stared at him, a small smile on my blushing face.
Finally I spoke. “Did you write that for me?” I asked timidly.
Clint rolled his eyes and rose from behind the piano. “No, I wrote it for the Virgin Mary,” he said as he walked over to where I was. He took my hand from the rail and squeezed it. “Of course I wrote it for you. Did you like it?”
I nodded my head, afraid I would start crying if I did any more than that.
He smiled and led me to the couch beside the tree. “It’s part of your present. Merry Christmas, baby,” he grinned and kissed me lightly.
I turned around and saw the rest of the household watching us. Kate and Dave were grinning from the second floor balcony as Natalia rolled her eyes and stumbled back into the bathroom. Sara and Bob looked on from the kitchen. Bob seemed relieved, but Sara had her forced smile covering glossy eyes.
Sara
I fingered the pearl drop necklace that hung from my neck. Bob certainly read my mind. Either that or he had noticed me eyeing the necklace and earring set in the window at the jewelry store. He kept sniffing the leather jacket I gave him, and I took it as a sign of satisfaction.
Clint and Olivia...what was I to think now? One minute Clint is kissing me harder than I’ve ever been kissed before, the next he’s singing to Olivia on Christmas morning? My head is spinning and I’m not sure if I should get off this ride.
Sheila sighed and smiled at Frank. “Well, it has certainly been a great Christmas, hasn’t it, kids? Did Santa bring you everything you asked for, Dave?”
He raised his head sullenly and picked at the wool balls on his rag sweater. “Uhh...yeah,” he answered with a forced smile. Dave glanced quickly at Natalia and back to the Chinese cookbook the boys had bought for him that he was flipping through randomly.
“So is this it? All presents been opened? Does anyone want to call their parents to wish them a merry Christmas?” Frank asked, a little too cheerily. He was wearing a Santa hat and beard.
Scott raised a hand quickly. “Wait! There’s one more thing,” he stalled. Kate lifted her head slowly, a slightly frightened look on her face. Scott slid down from the couch and sat Indian style in front of Kate. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a little black box. It rested significantly in the palm of his hand.
We all stared awkwardly at Kate and Scott. I knew what was happening, but instead watched with a gaping mouth.
Scott readied himself with a shaky sigh; he closed his eyes and tried to breathe slowly. Finally when he opened them, he smiled at Kate.
“I want you to close your eyes. “ She did, a little hesitantly.
“Remember when we stayed up all night and watched the stars at the ski lodge?” Kate nodded her head, a smile forming on her lips.
“You said your father and you used to do that when you were a kid. He said, ‘The only man that is good enough for you is the one who would scoop out all the stars from the sky into his hat and lay them at your feet.”
Kate opened her eyes quickly, a shade of red flushing her cheeks. Scott pushed the box into her hands and opened it.
“I’ve only caught this one so far, but if you accept, I’ll spend the rest of my life scooping up the stars for you.”
Everyone stared at Kate. She just stared at Scott, a baffled look on her face. “Are you crazy? We’d kill each other,” she shouted.
Scott only laughed. The smart boy had taught himself how to react in every situation. Another man would have cried. He grinned and tried to haggle with her. “I don’t care. I’ll be good, I promise. I’ll take out the trash and wash the dishes, “ he paused to breathe, which seemed very hard for him to do at the moment. “Will you marry me, Kate?”
She finally broke down. “I’ll think about it,” she said. “That doesn’t mean no, but that doesn’t mean yes. This is something I really want to think about, so just grant me some time to think about it, please.”
He nodded, a little disappointed, but understanding. “Agreed. I owe you that much.”
And then the fog cleared. Frank and Sheila woke up from their daze and started objecting. “You can’t get married! You’re only 18, Scott! And Kate, you’re only 17! You can’t possibly get married. You’ll ruin your lives!” Frank screamed.
Sheila took the more delicate approach. “Honey,” she started with Scott, “Your career has only just begun. If you get married, you’ll have even more difficulty gaining success. And after a marriage comes children. You can’t leave your children at home while you travel the world. They’d grow up without a father!”
“WHOA!” Kate shouted, jumping up from her seat on the couch and knocking the box off her lap. Scott put his head in his hands and groaned. “Who said ANYTHING about children? I haven’t even accepted yet!”
“We’re just trying to give you things to think about. You can’t rush into these things you know.” Frank argued.
“Well obviously. That’s why she’s thinking about it. Come on, Kate, “ Natalia growled back and taking Kate by the arm. She nodded to me too to follow. “We’re going to go think about this.”
She dragged Kate up into the bathroom and slammed the door shut. I smiled apologetically to everyone and drudged up the stairs to my room first. When I entered the room, I noticed another box on my bed. In instincts, I froze, afraid that I might be thrust into the same situation as Kate. But Bob was not as headstrong as Scott. He would probably wait until we were thirty before clumsily asking for my hand in marriage.
Slowly, very slowly, I crept towards the box. It just sat there solemnly, too big for a ring box, too small for much else. Gingerly, I opened it and discovered a single sprig of mistletoe.
Natalia
I don’t know what the hell was swimming through Scott’s brain when he proposed to Kate. I thought men were supposed to be afraid of commitment and here is one that is ready at 18. Frankly, I’m flabbergasted, and I hope I never meet anyone like that. I’d probably run the other way at full speed.
Hours later from our midmorning drama, I sit alone in the indoor porch, reading my new copy of “The Cure: Ten Imaginary Years.” Or more like skimming it. The snow has my attention. It falls so...gracefully. We don’t get snow like this in the Northeast. Hollywood snow I call it here in Germany, because it’s perfect. In the Nor’ east, when it snows, it's usually a white-out blizzard.
I flipped another page absently and a black and white photo of Robert Smith stared back at me with kohl-rimmed eyes and smeared lipstick. Lovely.
Silently, Dave glided onto the porch, a blanket draped around him. He gathered his layers into a wicker chair next to me and set his feet up on the banister. I pulled my own quilt closer, as if that could cut the tension and frozen emotions that shadowed his gaze wherever he went. I intently tried to read my book, hoping he’d get the message and leave, or at least not try to talk to me.
Dave cleared his throat, and ran a hand through his shaggy black hair. It shone almost blue-black in the snow light. “I’ve been looking for you,” he said in a hushed tone.
I dropped the book my lap. He had my attention, and even if I wanted to be annoyed, I couldn’t.
He pulled a little velvet bag from between the folds of his blankets and dropped it into my hands. I looked at it, a little curious but confused. “What’s...this?"
Dave propped his head on his hand and watched me. “Your Christmas present.”
“Should...I...open..?” I stuttered. He shrugged, obviously hoping to make this little gift seem unimportant. But I knew better. A Christmas present from someone who recently has hated your guts can be a very interesting thing.
He rose from the chair and started to leave, but I called him back, “Wait! Um, no. I’ll open it now,” I said. He stood in the doorway, about to bolt. “Please stay.” I asked.
The velvet bag wasn’t tied, and I pried it open slowly. Out tumbled a little silver ring with an onyx stone. My missing ring. I stared up at Dave. I didn’t know if had found it, or if he had been holding onto it this whole time.
Dave answered my question for me. “You left it by the bathroom sink. Read the inside.”
I did. Dave shuffled to me and kneeled down. “Don’t get mad at me for taking it, “ he said. I shook my head, a lone tear rolling down my cheek. I suddenly realized the proximity of this situation to one that had just befallen Kate and Scott. I tried not to freak out.
“I don’t even know whether I should have the guts to do this. But I’m not like other guys,” he said. And I had to agree with him. I had felt the missing hole in my life when we fought.
Dave reached out and took my hands. “I know I’m probably stepping past my boundaries. I mean, you’re with Tal, I really shouldn’t be doing this,” he spat out as though he was trying to convince himself, not me.
He continued, “I know you might hate me even more for this, and that things can never be the same. Things will never be the same. We can’t return to last year, kissing in bathroom stalls and stealing away on the roof of our hotel. We can’t...do that anymore. And maybe I’m just saying this because I need to make myself believe it. A wonderful thing, denial,” he laughed curtly.
I opened my mouth to object, but he clasped his hand across it. I could smell his intoxicating aroma and I thanked God I was sitting down. Otherwise my knees might have buckled beneath me and I might have slumped to the ground in front of him.
“Just let me finish, I have to get this out before the inevitable shoot down,” he begged. I nodded, and leaned forward in my chair a little to breathe in his scent.
Dave began to work himself up, and leaned on my legs. I could feel his pulse in my palm and attempted to concentrate on what he was saying instead of wanting to pull him to my lips.
“And so, in conclusion, Miss Addiction, I return this ring to you as a gift. A gift of truce, because I don’t think I can stand to be so nervous around you anymore. I promise to leave you and Tal alone. I promise to leave you alone, “ he whispered, his face dangerously close to mine.
I closed my eyes and nodded. Dave bit his lip and began to rise, noticing the proximity and situation for disaster. He stood in front of me, still wrapped in blankets, a towering shadow.
“I left Tal, Dave.”
Dave stared at me, confusion washing over in waves. ‘W-what?”
I stood up and balanced between the chair and Dave. “I left Tal.”
“WHY?”
It was time for me to stutter and weaken. “Because...I could never love anyone...as I love you.” He blinked slowly, and glanced at the snow. “Alright then.” Dave opened his arms and closed the blanket around me, enfolding us in a giant burrito. I leaned on him, finally feeling the warmth I had been missing for so many weeks. He looked down at me with his chocolate eyes, and kissed me. Finally.
Kate I’d like to yell at all those thirty year olds and up that condescendingly jumble all teenage situations under the heading of “insignificant.” They say that once we get older, the things that we whined over and obsessed about when we were teenagers will suddenly be uncovered and we will finally see just how stupid and unimportant they were.
This is pretty fucking important. But that’s just me. Hell, it will make a great story to tell the grandchildren.
Damnit! There I go again! First Sheila mentions children, and now me. I haven’t even accepted yet. However, I have to make some soft of decision that’s not along the lines of “give me more time.”
Pro: Scott treats me with respect.
Con: Scott can be jealous.
Pro: Scott cares about my well being.
Con: Scott can be overbearing and mothering.
Pro: Scott is passionate and romantic.
Con: Scott is a bastard.
Pro: I love him.
Con: He cheated on me twice with the same girl.
My beliefs are that if I marry, it is for good, or at least ten years. And if we do (god forbid) have children, we have to work out our differences and stay together for the children. I absolutely demand that we postpone any sort of finalization with marriage plans until I get consent from my parents. And I’d really prefer to be…at least 20 or 21. Even that seems too young to be married. A five year engagement? He can deal.
I feel like I’m writing out terms for a contract. But that’s what it is, right? A marriage contract.
There’s no problem with security or finance. We both have enough to get along more than comfortably. My friends like his friends. I think my parents like his parents.
Could I seriously spend the rest of my life with him? Would we grow old together, sipping frozen drinks on some beach when we’re sixty, watching the waves crash on our feet. Watching our children grow up and have children of their own, spoiling them. Cooking dinner together with a toddler running circles around our legs. Cuddling up in front of a fire, reading books, watching the news together. Taking walks at sunrise, taking walks at sunset.
I wandered to the den. Scott was watching TV; his legs sprawled out across the couch in a leisurely pose. I gazed at him from the doorway. He’d make a wonderful father.
I coughed lightly and Scott whipped around. He turned the TV off and sat up straight on the couch.
“Hey,” I said lightly. With much effort, I got one foot to follow the other and I made my way to sit next to him on the couch. Scott looked almost frightened, as if he didn’t want to hear what I had to say. He just looked at me with wide eyes.
“I’ve been thinking about the engagement. Long and hard I thought. I’ve decided...”
Scott cringed, already fearing the worse. I restrained myself from laughing at him.
“Scott, calm down. I’ll marry you,” I said, taking his shaking hands in mine. A huge smile broke across his face.
.TWENTY NINE. |.E.M.| .THIRTYONE.
