At last the door opened. “Come in Kate, Scott. I need to talk to you two,” Dad called to us. I glanced at Kate one more time before entering the office.

I tried to play it cool, for Kate’s sake. I didn’t want her getting upset again. God knows I’ve put her through enough shit. “What’s up, Dad?”

“Uh, not much Scott. Just wanted to talk to Kate here about the past few days. You know, where she was, what the hell she was doing. Whether she was going to let us know if she was butchered on the side of the road or not. You know, standard routine.”

I nodded my head and pressed my lips together. I probably shouldn’t have said anything at all. Dad had been pissed for the past few days, and now that Kate was back, he’d want to know.

Kate spoke up. “I’m sorry. I took some personal sick days. I’m fine now. I’m sorry I made you worry, but I had to get away for a little while.”

Dad sighed and smiled in acceptance. “Alright, that’s understandable. You’ve been stuck with the same nine people for the past four months. You’d want some time to yourself. ” He stopped pacing behind his desk and slammed his palms on the desktop hard enough for Kate to jump. “But there was a time and a place for you to desert us. We had a performance, a rather significant milestone in both bands’ careers. And still you could have let us know where you were, what your plan was. Maybe call us, for God’s sake. Jesus Christ, do you know how worried we were? What would we tell your parents? ‘Oh sorry Mrs. Kayer, we lost your daughter somewhere in Germany. Don’t worry. The note she left four days ago said she’ll be home soon.’ Yeah that would be really good.”

Kate didn’t look up from her fidgeting fingers. She looked like she would cry any second. I squeezed her hand.

“I’m sorry Mr. Moffatt. I’m sorry I missed the show and let you all down. But I had to go, and I couldn’t wait for the awards to be over. I can’t change the fact that I went, so you’re going to have to accept my apology and move on.”

Dad seethed aggravation. He wanted an explanation Kate was not ready to give. “ I think you owe the bands an apology as well. They deserve to know why you left.”

Kate nodded. They already knew why she left, but if Dad knew that, he’d freak. “I know that. Frank, I’ll talk to MTV if you want and thank everyone for the get well cards they sent.”

Dad raised his palms in defense. “ Do whatever you think will make you feel better about it. I’ll get over being mad.”

Sara

“How many days until Christmas?” Liv asked. Sheila had begun putting up decorations already and Christmas music was playing on the stereo.

I looked at my watch. That was the fifth time she had asked that question in twenty minutes. I am going to kill her.

“19 days Olivia. Sweetie, don’t you have some music you can work on?” Sheila asked. She was getting impatient with Olivia. I didn’t blame her. Liv just shook her head no.

“I can’t believe we aren’t going to be home for Christmas. It’s not the same,” Natalia told Kate and Scott as they entered the room, with Bob and Clint following like little puppies. I guess we were all pretty bored.

“I know, it’s not Christmas with out Kevin waking us all up at 5 am to open our stockings,” Liv whined.

“Don’t worry Liv, I’ll wake you up at 5,” Clint grinned. She just giggled, would those to give it a rest.

Bob saw my expression and laughed. He glanced from me to the tree and his face turned pale. “Sheila! Where are our ornaments? The Elves with our names on the bottom!” He shrieked.

Sheila sighed, “They weren’t packed, Bob. I guess we forgot them. I’m sorry.”

“What? You can’t have a tree with out our homemade ornaments! It’s just not right!” Clint exclaimed. Aww, those two can be so obnoxiously adorable sometimes.

“I said, I’m sorry, Clint. Maybe, if I had had a little more help packing then they would have been remembered,” she suggested. I tried not to laugh, but I noticed something a bit unnerving.

“Sheila? Is that a real tree?” I asked. I could feel the nausea coming on.

She looked at me oddly, “No Sara, it’s fake.”

“You can’t have a fake tree! Who are you people! It has to be real! Do you have no sense of tradition? The smell of pine, vacuuming up the fallen needles,” I was almost yelling, Bob shaking with laughter tried to calm me down.

“That’s it! Get out! All of you! Your whining is driving me insane, go now. I’m sure you have shopping you can get done. Out! Now!” Sheila screamed. We all began grabbing out coats.

“Come on Kate, I’ll help you find a gift for Joe,” Scott said leading her out the door in a hurry.

Natalia gulped down the last of her tea and grabbed her coat. “I am supposed to be at Tal’s in 10 minutes anyway, I’ll be back later. Happy Hanukkah!” She said, and ran out the door with a few gifts in her arms. Liv slipped her acoustic guitar onto her back and descended downstairs to the recording studio. Bob smiled at me, kissed my cheek and took off out the back door muttering something about a surprise.

I looked over at Clint and grabbed his arm. “Hey, just the person I wanted. I need your help.”

“What can I do for ya?” He smiled.

“I have a leather jacket for Bob on layaway at a store and I need you to try it on to make sure it’ll fit him ok,” I explained.

“My pleasure. You can help me find something for Olivia and my brothers.” He answered. We grabbed our coats, called a taxi and within minutes, we left the house, bound for downtown Munich.

Seven stores and two hours later, we only had five presents among us. I still had not picked up Bob’s jacket, but instead had managed to buy Kate a copy of “The Patriot” and Olivia a bottle of Caress perfume. In my hands were Natalia’s three packages of jelly bracelets and I grumbled at the end of an endless line headed for a cashier. Clint, like a saint, had accompanied me without a complaint. He acted very gentleman-like, opening doors and holding packages for me.

By the time our purchases were made, it had started snowing. The night air was crisp and cool, not too cold at all. Still, Clint handed me his gloves. “Put these on. It’s a bit nippy out, now that the sun’s gone down.”

I smiled and slipped the leather gloves on. They were still warm from his hands, and smelled faintly sweet. “Thank you very much,” I said.

Natalia

Mmm...warm aromas wafted deliciously throughout the whole Ofarim household. I secretly wished I had been born Jewish so that I could celebrate much more interesting and symbolic holidays, like Passover and Yom Kippur. No example of commercialization of Hanukkah, now is there? You don’t see any Hanukkah Harrys on street corners trying to get you to go into a car dealership or buy a new rug.

Tal bounded down the stairs and rushed to my arms, almost squishing his presents. “Shalom, my dear!” He said with a laugh. “I’m so glad you decided to come.”

“Why yes, I’m glad I decided too. “ I glanced at the gifts. “What shall I do with these? Some little disenfranchised Christmas elf decided he didn’t want them anymore.”

Tal grinned and took them from my hands. “They’ll do just fine here on the mantle until later. Come with me, I’ve got a present of my own for you.”

Smirk, smirk. Happy Hanukkah.

Kate

“Kate, I honestly don’t think there’s a difference between this shirt—“ He held up a plain white tee, then an white tee with a pocket. “—And this one. They are the same, just one has a pocket.” Scott sighed wearily as I turned the matter over in my mind.

I patted my chin, delighting in torturing him playfully. “I just don’t know. Hmm...I can’t decide whether…the pocket-less one or the pocketed one would look better on me...”

Scott rolled his eyes and threw an arm about my shoulder. “For God’s sake Kate, Christmas is the season of giving. Fuck the white shirt and let’s finish the presents of our closest and most dear friends and get the hell out of here. I implore you.”

I nodded, broken and yielding. He tossed the shirts back on the rack and we headed towards the bookracks.

“Kate?” Scott asked as he drifted through the cookbooks.

“Hmm?” I responded, trying to remember exactly which Madeline L’Engle books Sara has previously read.

A few moments of silence passed before he spoke again. “Do you think I should get anything for Dave? I mean, we haven’t really made up, or even spoken...but does it matter?”

“Is he getting you something?”

Scott thought about this, and then answered. “I’m not sure. But that’s not the point. It’s so awkward. I’m estranged from my own brother and I don’t like it. While you were away—“ he paused to see what I would do, but I continued to scour the racks. “—I didn’t talk to anyone, basically hibernated, and God I feel so much more alive now.”

I smiled to myself, but tried to mask it. “Maybe get him something not too personal, but still as a gesture of reconciliation?”

Scott nodded and picked something up. “Chinese cookbook?”

Sara

I couldn’t stop laughing. My sides hurt and my eyes swelled with tears. Clint held my arm to keep me from falling over, but it didn’t help much because he was laughing too.

We stood next to each other, leaning against a window on the sidewalk. Inside the shop was Bob’s jacket, and I needed to buy it, but I couldn’t stop laughing.

“You just know that’s how she gets! Blah blah write some here—

“Oh fine, fine. Let’s go in and get that jacket, Ok? Then we can go warm up in a little café down there, my treat. We earned some cocoa.” Clint offered. My palate salivated, and I could almost taste the real Belgian cocoa.

I led Clint to the rack where I had hidden the black leather jacket. It was beautiful, and reeked of clean leather. Clint slipped it on and modeled it for me.

“How do I look? Dashing?” He said with an insanely smug look on his face. He did a little turn and vogued.

Couldn’t help but laugh somewhat coquettishly. “You look fabulous. Really. I hope Bob likes the jacket. What do you think?”

Clint thought for a moment, and smiled. “It is something he’d wear forever, because it’s coming from you. He’ll pass it on to his children. He’ll be buried in it. He’ll wear it to bed.”

At his last comment, I burst out laughing. An image of Bob prancing to bed in the aromatic leather jacket just smacked of S&M. “Great, then I’ll buy it.”

Clint slipped out of the coat and I paid for it quickly. The promise of cocoa was quite alluring. We stepped out of the shop but stood wistfully for a second. I watched the tourists, the pedestrians sealed inside their own little holiday worlds, completely intent on making the most of their shopping days. The couples walking arm in arm through the light frosting of snow, the children leading their parents from toyshop to toyshop. It was all so beautiful.

I felt a tug at my overcoat sleeve, and turned to Clint. He smiled shyly and pointed a finger up. My eyes drifted above us, and caught the sprig of mistletoe. My mouth cracked slightly and eyelids fluttered. My face and hands were suddenly steaming, and I hurried to peel Clint’s gloves off my hands.

“A ha. Christmas tradition.” He said, taking my hand in his. My heart beat uncontrollably and head swam in confusion. I didn’t understand why I was both so completely set against a harmless kiss, and shattering with anticipation.

My eyes darted back to his. They were calm, cool, reassuring that just one stupid tradition was not something to be worked up over. He slowly drifted closer to me, whispering, “How bad can it be?”

His lips brushed mine, electricity binding them together. Clint touched me again, and kissed me again. My hand flew up and landed behind his neck, out of habit. Our lips nudged farther open and his tongue glided slowly to meet mine. I shivered in my own sealed little world.

Clint pulled away, and drew a hand up to my face. I could feel his fingers shaking. He was just as scared as I was. Suddenly, everything was different. Everything was new.

Natalia

Tal’s eyes glistened with delight. “Come with me to my room. I have a present for you.” He turned back to me and smiled. “Not that kind of a present though.”

I grinned, and followed him up the stairs to his room. I wondered what it could be.

“Sit on the bed for a second. Wait right there, ok? I have to get it,” he said, and walked into his closet to find the present. I looked around, then crossed the room to his dresser. On it were a few framed pictures of his family, of Gil and him, and of friends. In one of the pictures, Gil and he stood with the Moffatts, all friendly and smiling. Tal and Dave were hugging each other, a bit set apart from the group.

They looked so happy. Dave looked so happy.

I put the picture back and lay down on the bed. I knew I had to speak with Tal. It hurt so much to love two people at once. Tal was an amazing creature, and he put up with so much of my bullshit. I didn’t want to give him up. But Dave, I knew I’d never stop loving him. No matter how many times he assaulted my dates, no matter how many times he glared at me from behind the sheath of midnight black hair, I still loved him and would continue to do so.

“Okay love, are you ready?” Tal asked me. I shot up from the bed, a little frantic. Tal handed me a small box and sat down next to me, an expectant smile stretching from ear to ear. I was frozen, the gift just sat in my hands. He instructed me, “go ahead, open it.”

Slowly, I peeled back the blue wrapping paper and lifted the lid of the box. Tal took my hand and squeezed it. I glanced at him and tried not to cry, but smile. “It’s beautiful.”

“I wanted you to remember me, to remember us,” he said, taking the pure silver necklace out from its place and lay it on my neck. He turned the silver flame medallion over so that it glistened in the soft light. “Because you are the fire that keeps me alive.”

My body shook, right to the tips of my fingers. The cold metal stung a hole through my skin and I felt so corrupt, so cruel.

“Tal, my Tal,” I said, letting my fingers graze my neck and pull off the necklace. “I can’t accept this.”

His eyes glittered for a moment, and then they filled with concern. I placed the necklace in his hands and closed my own over the fist. “Why? What’s wrong with it?” he asked me.

I opened my mouth to speak, stalling. “Nothing, nothing’s wrong with it. But this necklace isn’t for me.”

Tal laughed, the sick desperate laugh that comes with the expectation of a betrayal. He tried to grin, his eyes already dark. “Of course it is. I bought it for you. I wanted you to wear it for me. Please wear it?”

“Oh for Christ’s sake Tal!” I shouted, jumped up from my uncomfortable place on the bed, and began to pace. “I can’t wear it! And I can’t...because...I can’t be with you any longer.”

His eyes darkened, and I knew he was gone. Tal was silent as he replaced the necklace in its box and closed the lid. Then he rose from the bed and threw the box in the trash. I couldn’t look at him but he stared at me, waiting for some sort of explanation that I couldn’t voice. “Would you mind explaining to me why?” he asked, his tongue echoing the bitterness he felt.

“Because of Dave,” I whispered, my arms stiff at my sides. “Because I still love him.”

Tal exhaled harshly, and rubbed his temples. “Why the fuck didn’t you tell me sooner? Why did you let me make a fool of myself?”

I collapsed on the bed, and rubbed my face of its guilt. “I can’t pretend that nothing happened between you and I, but I can’t pretend that I ever stopped loving him. I thought I’d get over it. I hoped it would go away and I could just be with you.”

He lowered his hands and looked at me. It wasn’t a hostile stare. Calmness flowed through me, and I knew I loved Tal too. It was hard, almost too hard, to let go.

“Why don’t you? I’ll help you get over him. I’ll walk you through it,” he said, standing in front of me and taking my hands. “Look at all he’s done to you, to me. He doesn’t deserve you. He never did.”

It was tempting. I thought of Tal and I together, without the looming presence of an accusing Dave in our life. The picture was pretty, but it wasn’t what I wanted. “No, Tal. It won’t work. I’m sorry.”

His eyes lowered. “So am I.”

Kate

The frigid December air stung like bullets as we stepped out onto the street from the warm little bookstore. Scott held my hand and we crossed the street to the coffee shop. We looked inside at the seemingly perpetual line to the counter.

“Mmm. Scott, will you run in and get me a hot cocoa? Please? I’m just gonna sit here on the bench for a while and rest,” I begged him, pouting a little to get him to go.

He rolled his eyes and handed me his bags. “Yeah, yeah. Wait here. I’ll be right back,” he said, and stepped inside to take up the end of the line.

The bench was cold, but welcome. I had been on my feet all day, and I was dead tired. I pulled out the pair of Pooh earrings I had bought for Olivia, and wondered whether she would like them or not.

I lifted my eyes and scanned the street out of habit before putting the gift back in its bag. A few people were still shopping this late in the afternoon, but not many. One was leaving a shop to get into his car. A couple was standing in a doorway, kissing under the mistletoe.

I shrugged off the scene and put the gift back. Something in my brain clicked and I looked again at the kissing couple. The bodies drew apart, and clarified the faces of Sara and Clint.

I lost my breath. Sara flushed, smiled demurely at Clint, and took his arm. They walked down the street and turned the corner, and out of my sight.

I couldn’t comprehend at all what I had just seen. I didn’t have enough time to. Scott came out of the shop and tapped me on the shoulder to wake me.

“Here,” he said, handing me my cocoa. He studied my face and asked, “You ok?”