| Latest Entry |
| Archive |
| About me |
| Bitch at me |
| Dave's Music Pick: The Orb's Adventures Beyond the Ultraworld |
| Dave's Movie Pick: Blade Runner |
 |
 |
 |
 |
| Georgia fucking Tech |
A Week Before Leaving (8/1/01)I can't fucking believe it, I'm about to go to college. It's amazing how colleges change their tone after you enroll. Before I decided to attend Georgia Tech, they sent me a letter every god damn week telling me about their "Exciting Environment", their "Top-Notch Faulty" or their "World Champion Banjo Team". Once I give the assclowns my $600 deposit and the May 1 deadline passes, they know they fucking own me. Soon, the housing contract arrives and says "We're not responsible if you die, now sign the fucking contract or be a fag". They require all freshmen to live on campus. If that's not enough, they have more scams than the inbox on my email account (side-note: If I ever find out who signed me up for the cockinmyass.com mailing list I will boot him in the sack and run like a little girl). They sent me an offer to purchase linens from the university for well over $200, stating "Our beds are a special size, if you don't order ours, your linens might not fit". So guess what? The assbeards don't say what the size of the bed is! So now I have to wait until I get to Donkeycock, Georgia so I can measure my bed and buy linens somewhere else at a reasonable price. Then I got offers for refrigerators, carpets, insurance, and worst of all a book with all the GT freshmen's pictures in it. Unless all the girls are required to send in topless photos of themselves, I'd sooner allow imps to skullfuck me than shell out the $50 for it. Hell, the latest copy of Black Tail is only $7.99 and at least I get to see tits in there. I just got my dorm info a few days ago, and I am faced with yet another dilemma: I don't know how to pronounce my roommate's extremely Chinese name. If I call him and fuck up his name, then he'll realize I'm a slobbering retard before I even get there. Plus he lives in Florida, and my dad shits his pants whenever I charge him 9 cents a minute for a phone call, and he's already fucking pissed that he has to pay my tuition. The GT housing office put me in the "all-male-pound-me-in-the-ass" dorm instead of the "girls-throw-their-panties-at-me" dorm I requested. There has to be a gender discrimination law against keeping me out of the freshman girls' hall. Instead, I get the fucking shithole dorm right between the Interstate and the football stadium, and right next to the dining hall with the highest rate of salmanella and botulinum poisoning in the country. I can look forward to many nights of burning diarrhea dripping down my thighs as I shit out my intestines. Looking back on my last four years of high school, I only have one thing to say: Fuck You. Fuck Chelmsford white-trash High School for not giving me good grades so I could get accepted to a better college that doesn't treat students like shit, and fuck you if you say it's really my fault, because I know that. Fuck you for making me care about people I met over the past four years that I will never see again. I can die happy if I never see any of the fucking Abercrombie-wearing pussies again, but there are people I will miss until I bust into my first case of beer. I have plenty more to bitch about, but I should probably save it for the next edition of Dave Brown's Fucking College Journal so I don't run out of ideas. Donkeycock, Georgia here I come. |
