This is a collection of some of my various writing some of it's stupid, some of it's funny, some of it may be serious. Who knows until you read?
Setup: This is something I wrote after witnessing people in a setup near the University library. They had sleeping bags and all kinds of bedding stuff, apparently they were sleeping on campus in oreder to raise money for an organization.Students Around Nation Revolt
Forces management for more hours in a day.
A mass sleep-in on America’s post-secondary campuses forces longer days.
A commission of politicians, chronologists, and scientists are working to form a new time system. Although magnitude will change, the units will not, said Physicist Dr. Skorovsky. What this means to us is that we will still have seconds, minutes, hours, days, months and years.
Skorovsky, along with politicians from all over the world, including Red. D. Unable of the Common Wealth of Independent Countries, have proposed the following new time metric:
Weeks, months and years will remain relatively untouched, but when this new time scheme is put into effect, the day will be about ten times longer than now.
100 seconds = 1 minute 7 days = 1 week 100 minutes = 1 hour 30 days = 1 calendar month 100 hours = 1 day 365 days = 52 weeks = 12 calendar months = 1 year With this program, it is a win-win situation for everyone, said business analyst Feve Storbs. The average working day will range from 20-33 hours and leisure time can be had in the remaining hours.
Upon learning this news, a law student at Florence University School of Law was heard yelling, Now I’ll get more time to FU in the library.
Local social fraternity, Busta Kappa Kappa, and sorority, Sigma Upsilon Beta, were ecstatic because it allowed them more time to drink and even more time to analyze the fallacies of their ways.
When reached for comment, United States University’s president said Crap! Now I have to do real work! Editorial Note: This was printed despite the objection of USU. I mean after all, isn’t it important to know that college professors and administration at large colleges and universities don’t give a damn about the students. Oops!
Despite USU’s comments, International Coastal University, in the small city of Coastal Bend, professors and administration are pleased with the outcome of this new time metric and look forward to working with students on a more intimate and prolonged basis. ICU President Foolhardy said, It will be a great pleasure to serve these fine students.
At press time, 25% of the world has ratified the new metric thus far, with a simple majority required to pass it into International Law.
Today is the first day spring classes. Almost on cue, the God People are out distributing their religious beliefs on an easy-to-swallow 3x5 Business Reply Card. Let me reiterate Business Reply Card. I guess the 3x5 injection of religion fills peoples’ cup of spirituality, not me. I find The Book a more relevant source of religious/spiritual fulfillment and I am able to form my religious ideas, to quote Kevin Smith’s movie Dogma. I agree somewhat that the imposition of a belief structure upon The Bible is problematic. The Bible is not the only holy book to face this problem. Enter stage left, the religious extremists, fanatics, separatists, et cetera. Any religious text can be twisted, spun and convoluted by anybody that has charisma and can be respected. If I weren’t able to put a logical frame around a high percentage of the situations I find myself in, I might find myself following the aforementioned people.Tactics for avoiding the God People
- If you’re like me and walking to class effectively alone, evasions is your best tactic. Find a way around the God Person(s).
- If evasion is not a viable option, attach yourself to the back of a moving mass of people. But don’t be the very back or you still may be susceptible to a pick-off.
- Speed. I recommend 3-4 second sprint bursts. If facing a line of God People, run in a serpentine fashion into the nearest Science building. (There are several science buildings on campus.)
- As a last resort, if direct contact is unavoidable, you can:
- Talk to the person, and take one for the team or
- Give them the cold shoulder or say &ldquo Not Interested. &rdquo
Reminder: All these options should be exercised in a polite manner as they [God People] are human beings also. These are just my ideas, pick and choose from among them, adapt them, or use your natural reasoning ability and find a new method
Bad Business PracticesBusinesses and corporations will do anything to get people to spend. One of my favorite gimmicks is &ldquo paying &rdquo me to shop. Bad business practice? If only it were true. Getting paid to shop requires that I do not have to pay for the product I’m interested in procuring, and I get a percentage of money above the price of said product. If I only get the price of the product, I’m only breaking even, but if I get the product price plus a percentage above, then I’m getting paid to shop. Auto dealerships are notorious for &ldquo paying &rdquo people to shop. Of course what they mean is they’ll give you X amount of money to put towards the car. But the car’s price has been marked up by an X + n amount, and you will not be told about it. On this note, I feel there are products that I should get paid for using. Example: a land line phone. I should get paid to use this because I don’t really need it. As of right now, I only use it for an internet connection but after this year I will most likely not use one until I have a family and a house, unless &ldquo phone &rdquo calls through cable or internet become viable.
If anybody want to use any of this writing in any way shape or form, please e-mail and get permission. I don't mind you using it, but I want to know who is using and how it is being used. And if you make any money of off it, I want 5% of it. But seriously, just let me know so that way if I happen to see it somewhere else, I won't go off the deep-end and write you a scathing letter. Every writing piece on here was hand-written first, so you're going to have a hard time proving it is your original work. Just let me know and we won't have any problems. And also if you would do me the favor of putting a link to my site if you do borrow so that visitord may come and see where it is from.
Thanks a lot,
Zak
PS There is a lot to be said about proper attribution, it just makes good sense.
