Vin paced in front of the ICU room, his stride purposeful, his eyes determined. Barrett had come to see him and Josiah and explained about the NG tube being put back until Chris’ stomach settled down. His anger at Maguire was something he’d kept buried, but the thought of his friend’s continued suffering brought it to the surface again. He rubbed at his throbbing head, yet knew this headache had nothing to do with his concussion, but more from tension, anger, and frustration. He knew he had to get his emotions under control before he went back in with Chris. ‘God damn you, Maguire!’ he hissed as he clenched his fists by his side. He looked towards the room as the door opened and Derrick Barrett came out.
“How is he?”
“Frustrated and hurting.”
“Can I see him?”
“Mr. Tanner, I think Chris needs your visits more than ever. The longer he’s here the more frustrated and angry he’s going to become. You and his other friends are gonna play an integral role in his recovery. You gentlemen will get him to the turning point and get him past all of this. Right now he feels as if he’ll be here forever, but things are slowly getting better. He just needs to be patient...”
Vin’s eyebrows rose and he laughed. “Patient? Chris Larabee? That ain’t gonna happen, Doc.”
“That’s what I thought, so I’d like you guys to keep him from becoming depressed. Chris is gonna need to talk to someone from the psychiatric department soon. He is showing signs of PTSD and I’d like to see if we can head it off before it becomes full blown. I’ve already put in a call to them and Dr. Carlyle has agreed to see him as soon as possible.”
“Chris hates talking to psychiatrists.”
“I understand that, but he really needs to talk about what he went through.”
“Yeah, I know he does.”
“Talk to him, Mr. Tanner, but don’t force things.”
“I won’t. Thanks, Doc.”
“You’re welcome, I just wish I had better news. I’ll check back on him later today, and Mr. Tanner.”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t overdo things. You’re not all that well yourself.”
“I’m okay, Doc.” The tracker smiled as he realized how much he and Chris Larabee were alike. He walked towards the open door and entered the room. He looked at the bed and knew his friend was sleeping. The sight of the NG tube back in place sent a surge of anger through him. He felt Anne watching him as he eased into the chair beside the bed. He sat back and waited for Chris to wake up, knowing his friend needed to know they were there for him.
Chris opened his eyes slowly and frowned as he looked up at the stark white ceiling. He knew he should recognize this place, but wasn’t sure he really wanted to. A soft sound from beside him caught his attention and he turned his throbbing head slowly. A familiar lean body sat in a chair beside his bed and he smiled in spite of his confusion. He closed his eyes for a few seconds and waited for the cobwebs to clear. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked to his left. He smiled at the pretty nurse standing there, but had to fight to get it from his sleep befuddled mind. He turned away as the name of the man beside his bed finally came to him and with it all the other memories. Including the reason he was in the hospital in the first place. A soft hiss crossed his lips as he fought to keep his emotions in check and he wasn’t surprised when sky blue eyes opened instantly and the lean body shifted towards him.
“Easy there, Cowboy.”
“V...Vin,” his eyes darted around as if he was searching for the source of the fear creeping into his mind. “Maguire...he’s...”
“Dead, Chris, we sent that son of a bitch straight to hell where he belonged.”
“Dead? Are you sure? Sometimes I swear I can h...hear him...hear him t...telling me he’s my lord and m...master...”
“He ain’t, Chris, never was and never will be.”
“I know...but it’s hard sometimes...I wake up and wonder where I am and that’s when I hear him...can’t stop him, but I know our ancestors helped take care of the worst of the nightmares. I just can’t seem to get rid of him when I’m awake. I keep thinking of what he wanted to do and...and I wonder if he really did win and that he is my...”
“He ain’t, Cowboy. You’re still Chris Larabee and there’s no one I’d rather have as an equal. Nobody controls you. Nobody owns you. Nobody can take anything from you unless you let them. You’re a...”
“Larabee, yeah that’s what he said too.”
Vin knew he wasn’t talking about Maguire and smiled as he realized the ghosts from the past were still around and protecting all of them. He knew they’d always be there and he smiled inwardly at the warmth that thought gave him.
“Are you gonna let Maguire take that from you?”
“No! My ancestor didn’t and I damn well won’t either.”
“Damn straight he didn’t, Pard.”
“He had a lot of help from six members of his family...”
“You do too and we’re gonna stand by you for as long as it takes.”
“Long haul?”
“Yep, and you’ll probably be cussin’ and fightin’ us the whole time.”
“If I didn’t you’d think there was something wrong,” Larabee said with a grin.
“Ya got that right.”
“Excuse me, gentlemen, but can I come in?”
“Hello, Dr. Carlyle.”
“Hello, Anne.”
Vin recognized the name and looked down at his friend as the man entered the room. He saw the stony look come into the sea green eyes and knew Larabee was not pleased to see this man.
The newcomer was dressed in black slacks and a white turtleneck sweater. His brown hair was streaked with gray, a thin goatee and moustache was also peppered with silver. The eyes were a light soft shade of brown and Vin knew instinctively this man was trustworthy, he hoped Larabee would be able to see that too.
“Mr. Larabee, my name is Lee Carlyle. Dr. Barrett asked me to speak with you.”
“Yeah, he mentioned something about you coming by. Psych department, right?”
Carlyle caught the hint of aggression in the softly spoken words and knew he was in for a fight. He had nearly twenty years of psychiatric work under his belt and something told him this man could prove to be one of his top ten worst-case scenarios. “That’s correct, Mr. Larabee...”
“I don’t need to talk to a shrink...”
“Chris!”
“It’s okay, Mr. Tanner, right?”
“That’s right, Doc, but you can call me Vin and this is Chris.”
“I can speak for myself, Vin!”
“Are you gonna be civil?”
“It’s alright, Vin. Let Mr. Larabee say what’s on his mind.”
“What’s on my mind? Hell, Doc!” the blond lifted his left hand and ripped the oxygen mask off his face. “You guys seem to think the best way to get past things is to talk about them! Let’s see...I think it goes something like...face your fears! Well, I damn well don’t have any fears so there’s nothing I need to talk to you about!”
“Chris, what the hell’s the matter with you?” the tracker asked, frowning at his friend’s anger.
“Nothing’s...” He gasped and wrapped his arm across his chest as his air seemed to be cut off. He fought to make his lungs work as they were supposed to, but a tight band seemed to have wrapped around his chest and continued to squeeze until nothing else mattered, but to draw that one tiny breath.
Fear gripped the younger man as he noticed the bluish tinge to Larabee’s lips. He glanced towards the nurse and could tell she was worried for her patient’s well being also.
Anne watched her patient struggle to breath as she quickly set up the medication that would help open his passageways. She heard Vin Tanner and Lee Carlyle speaking with the panicked man as she quickly took the nebulizer and set it up. She eased his head up and placed the mask over his mouth and nose. “Chris, try to relax and breathe.”
“C...can’t....Anne...h...hh....u....rts....br...eathe...can’t...”
“Yes, you can, Chris. Just concentrate on letting the medication help you.”
“Chris?” Larabee’s panicked eyes turned towards his best friend. “That’s it, Cowboy, just breathe...nothing else but breathe.”
“V...Vin...I...”
“Uhuh, Chris, no talking right now.” Vin reached over the rail and clasped his friends left forearm in a gesture of strength and waited for Larabee’ breathing to return too normal.
The blond nodded briefly as he felt the air finally entering his lungs, not enough, yet, but at least it was something. He met the worried blue eyes and forced a smile to his face, before realizing Tanner couldn’t see it beneath the mask. “O...kay...i...it’s gettin’ bet...ter!” he muttered tiredly.
“That’s good, Pard,” Tanner said and kept the fear from his voice.
Chris turned slowly until he saw the reason for his outburst and closed his eyes. He knew he was being unreasonable, but right now he didn’t want to be reminded that sooner or later he would have to talk. To relive the horror of what went on in the chamber in Black Rock Desert. His breathing continued to ease and he felt his body being drawn towards sleep, something he needed and feared at the same time. He could hear voices, but could only pick out a few words.
“I ain’t gonna apologize for him, Doc,” Tanner said as he watched his friend’s body relax.
“There’s no need for apologies, Vin. I expect to see more outbursts before Mr. Larabee talks through what happened to him. Right now everything’s still too fresh for him and he knows who and what I am and that I want to get him to open up about his experience. It’s not unusual for victims of torture to be angry, in fact I would be surprised if Chris hadn’t showed signs of hostility. Has he talked to you about what he went through?”
“A little, but we haven’t really had much time,” Vin reached for the rail as he swayed on his feet.
“Perhaps you’d better sit down, Vin,” Carlyle observed as Tanner’s face paled considerably.
“No, I’m okay,” he protested but Anne’s hand on his shoulder pressed him into the chair. ‘Thanks,” he mumbled tiredly.
“Vin, I’m going to get one of your friends to take you home.
“Not until I know Chris is all right.”
“He’s doing better, Vin. The medication is helping him breathe.”
“Ain’t goin’ until I know for sure. I don’t want to come back tomorrow and find you people have found something else to do to him!” He held his head and groaned as he realized how he sounded and lifted tired eyes to the nurse. “Ah, Hell, Anne, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that! It’s just...”
“You hate seeing what your friend is going through,” Carlyle finished.
“Yeah,” the Texan drawled softly.
“You guys are close?”
“You could say that.”
“It might not be a bad idea for you to talk about what you went thro...”
“Didn’t go through nothin’, Doc. Chris is the one who went through hell because of that sonofabitch!”
‘I think you’re wrong about that. Looks to me like you’re in your own version of hell,’ the psychiatrist thought as he caught sight of the pain and weariness in the blue eyes. “Maybe, but I’m available if you feel like talking. Anne, I’ll speak with Derrick about what happened today and schedule another appointment.”
“Yes, Doctor,” Anne agreed as she changed the bag of IV fluids over Larabee’s bed. She smiled as Ezra Standish came into the room.
“How is Mr. Larabee today?” the gambler asked.
“He’s sleepin’, Ez, so shut up will ya!” Tanner snapped.
“Excuse me?”
“Ah, shit, Ezra, I’m sorry,” he winced as he looked at the conman.
“I assure you I was not offended, Mr. Tanner, merely surprised. I am here to take you back to the hotel.”
“Ain’t ready to leave just yet!”
“Mr. Jackson said to inform you that you are to get...and this is a direct quote...Get your sorry ass back to the hotel or he’ll come kick some serious Texas butt!”
“G...go...Vin.”
“Chris? Thought you were sleeping?” Tanner asked.
“Not quite, b...but g...getting there. Go with Ezra...be here when you c...come b...back.”
“You heard our illustrious leader, Mr. Tanner. Let’s go!”
“Are you sure you’re okay, Chris?”
“Yeah, just ti...red, Vin.”
“Mr. Larabee, I will return as soon as I deliver Mr. Tanner into Mr. Jackson’s capable hands.”
“Don’t need to do that!”
“I assure you it is not that I need to, Mr. Larabee, it’s that I wish to.”
“Th...anks, Ez...mean...lot to me.”
“Sleep, well, Pard.”
“You too, Vin,” Larabee watched as the two men left the room and finally allowed the pain to show on his face. He knew the others would be back, but for now it was good not to have to hide behind a false front. He felt a cloth gently wash over his forehead and smiled at the nurse. “Thanks...Anne.”
“You’re welcome, Chris. How do you feel right now?”
“Like I’ve been sliced and diced!” he answered honestly.
“I bet you do. Is there anything I can do to help you sleep?”
“Yeah.”
“What?”
“Sing that song you were humming the other night.”
Anne chuckled as she folded the cloth and placed it across his damp forehead. “I can’t sing, Chris.”
“Hea...rd you...”
“Couldn’t have been me. I only hum...”
“Hum it then...swe...et...soft voice.”
Anne blushed as she realized he’d been listening to her when she’d been humming and she smiled as his eyes met hers. She reached for the cloth once more and slowly hummed another old favorite of hers.
Chris let the warmth of her voice wash over him and relaxed against the pillows. Sleep eluded him, but the sound of her voice made him feel safe and he relished in the softness of her touch.
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