Chapter 95
Vin sat in the chair next to his bed, gazing wistfully at the people in the wooded park across the street. He loved nature and hated being cooped up in the hospital. He
winced as he stood up to get something to drink, hoping today he’d get something more than the liquid diet he’d been on since waking up. He placed the glass back
on the table and faced the door as it opened and his nurse came in.
“Hello, Vin, your room mate’s on his way down.”
“Thanks, Tonia,” he smiled, not sure how he felt about having Chris in the room with him. ‘Come on, Vin, he’s your best friend,’ he thought. ‘Yeah and you damn
near got him killed.’
“I’m going to move your bed back to the wall a little so they can bring Mr. Larabee in,” Tonia explained as she took the locks off and pushed the bed towards the
window. She turned to the door as her new patient was wheeled into the room.
Vin watched the new bed being pushed inside with a mixture of trepidation and hope. ‘God, how can I face him after everything Wilcox did to him,’ Tanner
thought as he met the single green eye. He swallowed past the lump in his throat and forced a smile to his face.
Chris stared back at his friend, seeing the pain and fear in the blue eyes, knowing he was unwittingly the cause of those feelings. He hated seeing that look on the
younger man’s face and he hoped and prayed it would go away with time. Those eyes so usually filled with excitement and bravado were now clouded with
something he hoped never to see again. Chris could see the guilt and he vowed to make sure Tanner never saw just how hard things really were for him. ‘Can’t let
him know about the nightmares,’ he thought as the orderly pushed his bed into position.
“Hi, Mr. Larabee, my name’s Tonia and I’ll be here all day or should I say what’s left of the day. I’m going to take your vitals now and see about fixing the morphine
pump so you can administer the medication as you need it,” she said as she wrapped a BP cuff around his arm.
Vin listened to the nurse as she tended to his friend. ‘I’ll find a way to make it up to you, Pard,’ he thought as he stared out the window.
Chris lay back against the pillow while the nurse took his vitals and adjusted things with his IV. He heard her say she’d be back shortly to fix the pump and he
managed a small smile. His body still betrayed him at the oddest times and he felt himself drifting towards sleep. ‘No, can’t sleep, have to talk to Vin. Have to let
him know everything’s going to be alright. Dammit, so tired,’ he thought as he fought to keep his eye open. Finally he pressed the button on the side of his bed,
bringing his head up so he could look across at his friend. He bit back a cry as he noticed the haggard look on the pale face.
‘Jesus, Vin, guess I’m not the only one with nightmares. How long since you slept, Pard?’ he thought as he watched the sharpshooter. The younger man sat by
the window, facing Larabee’s bed, his eyes closed and his head tilted slightly to the right. Chris thought he was sleeping until the blue eyes opened and caught his in a
pain filled gaze. “V...Vin,” Larabee whispered softly.
“Hey, Cowboy, glad they finally sprung ya from ICU,” Tanner smiled weakly at his friend, the two men swallowing the words they wanted to say, neither wanting to
burden the other with the pain and fear they were feeling.
“Me too,” was all Larabee could get out. The hurt, the pain, the fear, and the anger threatened to come out once more as he looked at his injured friend. “I...I’m
sorry, Vin.”
“Sorry? For what?” Tanner asked as he held his IV pole and walked around the side of his bed so he could see his friend more clearly. The single green eye looking
up at him sent shivers of fear down his spine. ‘Will you ever be rid of that fear, Cowboy?’ he thought as he saw the alien emotion in the silent glare.
“Sorry, for everything, Vin. I should never have let Sharpe get me on that roof!”
“Wasn’t your fault, Chris, on top of everything else you went through, the asshole drugged you,” he said and saw the surprise in his friend’s face. “Yeah, that’s right. I
know all about him giving you something, Chris. Something that made it easy for him to handle you. To get you to do as he wanted.”
“I nearly got you killed, Vin,” Larabee hissed angrily and glared at his friend as Tanner erupted in laughter.
“Oh, Jesus, Chris, Now that’s funny. Look at you. You’ve been through hell and you’re still living through it all because of me. All because an old f...friend wanted to
make me pay for a promise I broke. That’s right, Chris, I broke it! Not you! But did Gary give a damn? No! All he cared about was making you hurt. Making you
pay the price for the fuckin’ promise I didn’t keep,” Tanner swore as he picked up the cup of water and threw it across the room, to splatter against the wall. His
own anger at himself for what had been done to his friend making him short tempered as he stood looking at the price he’d paid for his broken promise.
“Vin,” Larabee’s voice was low as he looked at his friend. “I don’t blame you for what Whelan did to me.”
“You should, Chris, look at you. Look what that bastard did to you. You’re in so much pain, oh don’t tell me you’re not cause I can read it in your eyes. No, that’s
wrong too, I can read it in your eye, cause that’s all I can see right now! Jesus, how much do you have to pay for what I did?” Tanner gasped as he sank to the floor
by Larabee’s bed, tears of anger and frustration in his eyes.
Larabee leaned to the side of the bed, muffling the hiss of pain he felt as he looked down at his friend. “I’d pay anything to wipe that guilt off your face, Tanner. I
know it’s not going to happen overnight but at some point I’m hoping we can both get past this and prove once and for all that Gary Wilcox didn’t win. We can’t let
him win, Vin. Because if he does you and I both lose. James says I have to keep taking the Zoloft because she doesn’t want me getting depressed. Hell, I’m already
depressed but I’m taking it because there’s no choice in the matter. They’ll ram it down my throat if I refuse. I don’t have any control over my own life anymore
because I gave it over to Whelan the minute he drove those fucking nails into my hands,” Larabee hissed as he fought back the tears that threatened to fall. He
groaned as he jerked his leg on the bed. “Jesus, will this ever stop,” he snarled as he placed his hand over his head.
Tanner listened to every word his friend said, he let him talk through his own frustrations and was amazed at how good it felt knowing Chris was confiding his fears
and pain to him. He slowly pulled himself up off the floor and looked down at the pale blond. “It will, Chris. I can’t tell you when but it’ll stop for both of us. You’re
right about not letting Gary win. I swear if it’s the last thing I do I’ll put this behind me for good. What do you say, Cowboy, you up for probably the longest and
hardest fight of your life?”
Larabee dropped his hand from his head and look at the other man. “Only if we do it together,” he whispered as he held up his arm. The two men smiled as they
realized it was impossible to shake hands because of the opposing IVs. “Jesus, we’re a sorry pair,” Larabee smiled weakly as a yawn spread over his face.
“Yeah, we are at that and ya know what, Cowboy, as sorry as we are I wouldn’t trade your friendship for anything.”
“Thanks, Vin, same goes with you.”
“Get some sleep, Chris, the others are gonna be here soon and who knows when we’ll be able to rest,” Tanner smiled at his friend as the green eye closed. “I’ll
always be here, Chris, anything you need, anything at all you got it,” he whispered thinking the man was asleep.
“Same goes for you, Vin Tanner. Anytime, anywhere, anyplace, no matter what it takes I’ll be there,” Larabee didn’t open his eye but the smile on his face was a
soothing balm to the younger man’s soul as he watched some of the lines leave the handsome face.
“Go to sleep, Chris,” Tanner said as he walked back to his own bed.
“Can’t, not if you keep jawing,” Larabee muttered and Vin could hear the tiny laugh that followed.
Five minutes later Tonia stuck her head in the door and looked at her two patients. She stepped up to Tanner’s bed and checked his IV before turning her attention
to the second man. ‘You’ve both been through so much,’ she thought as she checked Larabee’s IV. ‘Nobody deserves to be hurt like that.’ She turned away
from the beds as the door opened and shook her head at the five men standing there. Hurrying to the door she ushered them back outside as she let the door close
gently behind her. “They’re sleeping and lord only knows how much they need it. Why don’t you guys come back in a couple of hours?” she asked.
“Chris is in there with Vin, isn’t he ma’am?” Dunne asked.
“Yes, he was brought down a little over an hour ago.”
“How’re they doing?” Jackson asked.
“About as well as can be expected considering everything they’ve been through. Mr. Tanner’s renal function is normal so the doctors are very pleased with that,” the
nurse explained.
“How long will he have to stay in?” Wilmington asked.
“Probably another week.”
“And Chris?” Sanchez asked.
“All I can tell you is he still has a ways to go. He’ll be here for approximately two weeks. I have to check on a couple of other patients. Let them rest for a little while.
You can see them as soon as they wake up,” she said as she hurried away.
“Why don’t we go get an early dinner and keep them company when they’ve had some sleep?” Jackson suggested and they all agreed.
Chapter 96
‘Jump, Chris, it’s the only way to save them. See the flames, Chris? See how they devour everything in their wake? See how they’re getting closer to
Sarah and Adam? You’re the only one who can save them. But you have to jump. Are you man enough to save them or are you a yellow coward just like
Vin said you were.’
‘No!’ Larabee moaned softly as he turned over in the bed.
‘Oh, yes, Chris, you have to jump. Look over there. See isn’t that Vin watching you? He wants you to jump just as much as I do. Blames you for
everything the inconsiderate friend that he is. Come on, dammit! Jump!’
‘No!’ Larabee snapped, screaming has his body was shoved over the edge of the roof. ‘Falling, oh, God, I’m falling. No!’ he screamed as he neared the ground.
He could make out the faces on the roof even as his body dropped in slow motion. Vin, Buck, Nathan, Josiah, Ezra, JD, Wilcox, Whelan, and Sharpe, all laughing as
his body slammed into the roof of the car. “You Bastards!” Chris screamed as he sat up in his bed, eye open and unseeing.
“Jesus, Chris,” Tanner gasped as his eyes flew open and he looked at his trembling friend, knowing he was still wrapped in the folds of a horrid nightmare.
“You, Bastards, supposed to be my friends,” Larabee screamed at something only he could see.
“Chris!” Tanner exclaimed as he struggled out of his own bed and hurried to his friend’s side. “Come on, Cowboy, it’s time to wake up.”
“No!” Larabee cried out as he looked up at the roof, his subconscious mind wondering why he was able to see their faces from such a distance. “I don’t need any of
you!” he screamed.
“Chris, come on, Cowboy, open your eyes and look at me,” Tanner reached down and touched the blonde’s shoulder in an effort to wake him.
Larabee felt someone touch him and realized he was not alone anymore. He looked to his left and saw one of the faces from his nightmare. A face he’d always
thought of as friendly but was now just another reminder of what had happened to him. “Get the fuck away from me, Tanner!” he swore, sliding as far away from the
younger man as he could.
“Chris, what the hell’s wrong?” the sharpshooter asked.
“What’s wrong, Tanner? What the hell could possibly be wrong? My so called best friends are trying to kill me!” Larabee snapped angrily.
“What are you talking about?” Vin asked as the door flew open and five men hurried into the room.
“No, God damn you! I don’t need any of you! Get the fuck out of here!” Larabee snapped as he tried to put the rail down on the side of his bed.
“Vin, get back in the bed,” Jackson ordered as he saw how pale the younger man was growing. “Josiah, help him. JD, go get a nurse. Chris, what’s wrong?” the
medic asked as he stepped up to the bed.
“Stay away from me! All of you just leave me the hell alone!” the blond warned as he continued to struggle with the bed rail. The side finally dropped and he swung
his legs out over the edge, ignoring the sharp pain that stabbed through his upper right thigh. He landed hard on his feet and bit back a groan as his legs threatened to
crumble beneath him.
“Chris, you need to get back in that bed,” Jackson ordered.
“I need to get the hell out of here and away from all of you,” Larabee snapped, tearing at the IV in his arm.
“No, Chris,” Wilmington said as he and Standish reached the angry blond.
“Take it easy, Buck, Ezra,” Jackson warned as Tonia hurried into the room.
“Mr. Larabee,” the man didn’t seem to notice she was there. “You two let him go for a minute,” Tonia told Buck and Ezra. “Chris, look at me. You know who I am
and you know I’m not going to hurt you but you need to leave the IV where it is or we’re just going to have to restart it. Why don’t you get back in the bed.”
“No! I want out of here,” the blond hissed as he glared at the people in the room. His eyes swung to the door as Susan James entered. Larabee pushed away from
the bed in an effort to get away from everyone trying to help him. He teetered on his left leg, gasping as he tried to put some weight on his right leg. He reached out
and grabbed the table beside his bed as the room began to spin in ever increasing concentric circles. “No,” he cried as he touched his head. He felt strong hands
reach for him and he tried to move away. “D...don’t need your help,” he hissed as he felt them lift him back on the bed. He swallowed hard as he realized the
nightmare was over and that his friends really were here to help him. He looked directly at Susan James as she walked towards his bed and then turned towards Vin
Tanner, a pleading look on his face. “M...make them stop,” he whispered and knew Vin heard him.
“Make what stop, Chris?” Tanner asked as the others stood back to let the two men talk. He slid out of his bed and moved across the small space, his eyes in
constant contact with those of his friend. He sat on the edge of Larabee’s bed, waiting for the other man to speak. Hoping they’d be able to talk some of this through
with James in the room.
“The dreams, t...the nightmares. Can’t seem to sleep. They keep coming. Never meant to hurt anyone. I know you’re my friends b...but you were all there, on the
roof, l...laughing at what Sharp was doing to me,” Larabee’s body tensed on the bed as he thought about everything that was done to him and Vin.
“How often are you having this nightmare, Chris?” James asked from the foot of the bed.
The fear and anger were foremost in his mind and he wanted to scream and shout at the world at the unfairness of it all. He tried to turn away but a hand on his
shoulder made him stop. He looked at the blue eyed sharpshooter and knew he would be there for him. Larabee laughed as he looked away from Tanner and
directly at the psychiatrist. “Every time I close my eyes,” he told her as Tonia began checking the wound in his thigh. “I...it never changes. Always ends w...with
Sharpe pushing me off the roof. I know Vin stopped him but I c...can’t seem to stop the images. They just keep coming even when I’m awake.”
“You want to tell me about it?” James asked.
“Thought I just did,” Larabee groaned as he closed his eye.
“Not all of it,” James said.
“Don’t feel like talking right now,” the blond said as he turned his head away from his friends. “Maybe later.” Chris felt his friends staring at him. He knew he’d said
to much, revealed to much about himself. He turned away from his friend and let silent tears fall from his eye. ‘Dear, God, will I ever get past all of this?’ he
thought as he felt Tonia finish checking the wound on his leg.
Wilmington sat between the two beds. Both men had finally fallen asleep. Susan James had left shortly after speaking with Chris about his nightmares. She’d talked
with Jackson outside the room and explained to him why she wasn’t pushing Chris to talk right now. They all understood that it would take time but only Buck
understood the real meaning. He’d seen the guilt Chris went through after the death of his family and Whelan had brought back all those memories. “Damn, Stud,
how much more can you and Vin take?”
“Buck?”
Wilmington turned to the young man in the bed by the window. “Yeah, Vin, it’s me. How’re you feeling?”
“Feel like shit, Buck,” Tanner said as he raised the head of his bed. “How’s Chris doing?”
“Bout the same I guess. Fell asleep about the same time as you.”
“Wish the hell none of this had happened, Buck.”
“We all do, Vin. If I could do anything to change it I would. Neither one of you deserved what those savages did to you.”
“Buck, do you think anything will ever be the way it was b...before?”
“You mean before Wilcox came back?”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t know that any of us will ever be the same, Vin. >From the moment we watched that first video tape we were all changed. Seeing what those animals put
Chris through and knowing there was nothing we could do to prevent it was one of the worst things any of us ever had to do. Watching you and knowing how much
you blamed yourself for all of this was also hard. We’ve all done things in the past and I’m pretty damned sure we all have enemies out there but Wilcox, Whelan,
and Sharpe are probably the worst of the lot. I...I keep seeing Chris when we first found the two of you. Jesus, I hope never to see that look in his eyes again,” the
ladies man said as he swiped at his eyes.
“I know, Buck, I thought we’d lost him for good,” Tanner told him.
Larabee listened to the two men talking. He’d been awake since the beginning of the conversation between Buck and Vin. He understood the anger each man felt but
it didn’t help with his own anger. He knew the nightmares were just that but he couldn’t help his own anger each time he woke from one of them. He couldn’t help
screaming out each time he saw their faces on top of the roof with Wilcox, Whelan, and Sharpe. ‘How the hell do I get past all this?’ he thought, keeping his eye
closed as he listened intently to the two men.
“Me too, Vin. I don’t know if you realize just how much I envy you the ease with which you can talk to him. Chris and I go back a long ways but I don’t think he’s
ever opened up to me the way he has you. Oh, don’t get me wrong cause I’m not angry about it. I’m just envious. I’d like nothing better than to sit down with that
hard head and let him know just how much he means to me but Chris ain’t one to go in for that mushy stuff.”
“I noticed that, Buck,” Tanner smiled at the ladies man. “I think this might just be one of those times when he has no choice but to put up with a little mushy stuff and I
don’t mean just from you. I have a feeling we’re all going to be feeling kinda mushy once we’re out of here.”
“Dr. James wants us all to make appointments to talk about how this has affected us.”
Tanner nodded as he looked from the ladies man to the figure turned away from them on the other bed. He knew by the set of the shoulders that Chris was awake
but he didn’t say anything to the other man. “I think it’s for the best, Buck. We all need to deal with what happened, especially Chris. Maybe if we all talk about it
together we can get him past it,” he said softly.
“Yeah, you’re right, Vin. But not just for Chris for you as well. You know you and Chris are quite the pair. I don’t think I’ve ever met two men more inclined to take