Chapter 98

Chris knew his friend was asleep and wished he could join him. The earlier laughter was forgotten as he struggled to stay awake. He didn’t want to return to the

nightmares that continued to invade his sleep, leaving him angry and tired once he opened his eyes.

 

Their friends stuck around through the afternoon and well into the evening, even Orrin Travis showed up for an hour or so before leaving for another meeting. He’d

wanted to plead with them all to stay but couldn’t make himself do it. He couldn’t show them his weakness or his fears. He needed to fight them on his own and beat

the demons who’d done this to him.

 

He felt himself drifting towards sleep but continued to fight it. He’d spent an hour early in the afternoon sitting in a chair and his body was letting him know it wasn’t

happy about it. He felt the tiny box in his hand but refused to press the button and receive the pain medication. He didn’t want to sleep, couldn’t sleep or his friends

would once more become the enemy, laughing at him as he plummeted to his death.

 

‘Shit, Larabee get a grip,’ he thought as he pressed the button to raise his head. He reached for his watch on the nightstand, surprised to see it was only a little after

ten. ‘How the hell are you gonna stay awake when you’re already so damned tired,” he had to stifle the sarcastic laugh that bubbled in his throat. ‘Can’t wake

Vin, he needs his sleep.’

 

Chris forced his body to an upright position, turning his head slightly to make sure he hadn’t woke his friend. He smiled at the pale figure before forcing his way out of

bed. Larabee held the bedside stand and stumbled into the high backed chair. He held his breath as waves of pain and dizziness invaded his senses. He held his head

as the room spun rapidly. Suppressing the groan as he rubbed the area around the wound in his right thigh. He knew if the nurse found him out of bed he’d be on the

receiving end of another lecture but he didn’t care anymore.

 

He sighed as the softness of the chair drew him deeper in its folds, jerking upright as he realized he’d nearly fallen asleep. ‘Damn, this is harder than I thought.

Think about something, Larabee, anything to keep from sleeping,’ he thought and turned his mind to the hockey game they’d played just before the world had

changed for him.

 

He rubbed his head just behind the ear where the scar from the game had faded to almost nonexistent. A few members of his team were injured in the game and he’d

ended up spending two days in the hospital. Vin had a broken wrist but was able to go home the same day. He smiled as he remembered how proud they were when

they told him they’d beaten Morgan’s team. A deep sense of pride filled his mind as he slipped deeper into sleep.

 

Vin opened his eyes unsure what he was hearing. His eyes adjusted to the darkness in the room and he remembered the other occupant of the room. He turned his

head, sitting up too fast as he took in the empty bed. “Chris?” he asked as he looked around worriedly. A sickening sense of dread came over him as he heard a low

moan from the opposite side of the room. He couldn’t see who it was but he knew instinctively it was his missing room mate.

 

He pressed the button on the side of his bed and quickly dropped the side rail. He slid his legs over the edge and grabbed the IV pole as a wave of nausea

threatened to drop him to the floor. He heard the intercom activate and before the nurse could finish asking if something was wrong he told her they needed help. He

hurried around the end of Larabee’s bed, gasping as he saw the terrified look on the pale face. Chris was huddled in the corner, his knees drawn up and arms

wrapped tightly around them. Fresh blood seeped through the bandage on his thigh and Vin worried that he’d done more damage to it.

 

“Chris,” he whispered as he knelt before his trembling friend. He reached out and placed his hand on Larabee’s cheek, wiping away the moisture seeping from his

eye. He heard the door open behind him but didn’t turn to see who it was. “Chris, come on, Pard, its ok. I’m gonna take care of everything,” he said as he tried to

get through to his friend. He knew Chris was once more lost in the terrifying world created by Gary Wilcox. A world Vin could only hope they could rid him of.

 

The nurse stood back and watched the scene unfolding before her. She knew both men were close friends and that if anyone could get through to Chris Larabee it

was Vin Tanner. She had no idea what she’d see once she stepped into the room but the worry in Tanner’s voice conveyed the urgency he felt. She watched as the

younger man tried to get through to his friend, talking calmly and quietly, hoping to end whatever nightmare had him in it’s grip.

 

“Chris, it’s time to let it go. Time to wake up, Cowboy, and let the nurse look at you,” Tanner pleaded as he continued to talk soothingly to his friend. He breathed a

sigh of relief when the dull green eye finally focused on him. “That’s it, Chris, look at me,” he ordered.

 

“V...Vin,” Larabee’s voice was edged with pain.

 

“Yeah, Cowboy, wanna tell me what you’re doing on the floor?”

 

“Floor?” Larabee asked as he looked around. “Don’t know. W...was sitting in the chair.”

 

“Why were you sitting in the chair. Chris? You were supposed to be sleeping,” Tanner asked.

 

“Didn’t feel like s...sleeping. N...needed to think, Vin. God, I can’t go to sleep,” Larabee muttered weakly as he dropped his head into his hands.

 

“Why?” Tanner asked.

 

“Why, Vin?” the blond head snapped up and he looked straight at his friend. He could feel the now familiar change in his moods, going from sadness to anger at

everyone around him. An anger he couldn’t control no matter how hard he tried. “Do you really want to know why I don’t want to sleep? Do you? Well, hell, Pard,

maybe it’s got to do with having a sadistic bastard drive nails into my body or...or maybe it’s feeling him slicing into me with a fuckin’ scalpel. No, wait a minute,

that’s not it at all. You want to know what the real problem is, Vin. The real problem comes from being told that your best friend is paying him to do this,” Larabee

tried to stand, staggering as he put his full weight on his right leg. He gasped as he stood to his full height and stumbled into his friend. He cried out as Vin lost his

balance and nearly fell.

 

The nurse reacted instinctively and grabbed for the falling man. She gently grabbed his shoulder until he was able to stand on his own. “Get back into your bed, Mr.

Tanner. I’ll look after Mr. Larabee,” she ordered.

 

“Oh, God, Vin, I’m sorry,” Larabee said as he leaned heavily against the wall.

 

“Chris, it’s ok,” Tanner said as he tried to move towards his friend.

 

“No. I said get back in bed,” she warned as she took his arm and led the younger man to his bed. She pressed the button on the side of Tanner’s bed and asked the

nurse to send someone in to help her. “Now you stay put,” she ordered as she hurried back to the other man. “Why don’t you let me get you back into bed, Mr.

Larabee?” she asked.

 

“I...I can do it m...myself,” he said as an orderly entered the room.

 

“Help me get him back in bed, Harry,” the nurse said as the middle aged man came towards them.

 

“I said I can do it myself,” Larabee hissed as he tried to place more weight on his right leg.

 

“Mr. Larabee, right now you need our help. Your leg is bleeding again and I don’t want you using it at all. That means you need help getting to the bed and into it.

Alright?” she asked softly.

 

“Guess so,” he hissed as the orderly took most of his weight.

 

They settled him on the bed and lifted his legs carefully. The nurse turned on the overhead light and began examining her patient’s leg once more. She removed the

bloodied bandage and cleaned the wound with Saline. She gently placed a new bandage over it and then looked at her patient’s morphine infusion pump and IV line.

“Mr. Larabee,” she waited for him to look at her before continuing. “I know you’re in pain so why don’t you push that little button and let the medication help you?”

she asked.

 

“Makes me sleepy,” Larabee answered as he yawned tiredly.

 

“Your body needs to sleep,” she told him.

 

“But my mind doesn’t,” he told her as he depressed the button finally giving in to the need for some relief from the constant pain.

 

“Try to rest, Mr. Larabee,” she said as she checked on the second patient.

 

Chris listened as she changed the bandage on Tanner’s back, smiling as she gave him the same speech about taking the pain meds and letting them help. He kept his

eye closed as she left the room, sighing deeply as the constant agonizing pain ebbed from his body. “Vin, are you awake?”

 

“Yes,” Tanner answered softly.

 

“Did I hurt you?”

 

“Course not, Pard, it’d take more than a little stumble to hurt me. What about you?”

 

“I’m ok, Vin, at least I think I am. I...I just feel so tired,” Larabee told him.

 

“You should try to sleep.”

 

“Sleep’s the last thing I want to do right now.”

 

“I understand, Chris,” Tanner assured his friend.

 

“Do you, Vin?” he asked softly.

 

“I know what it’s like to have nightmares so bad you don’t want to close your eyes for fear they’ll return. Believe me, Chris, I’ve been there. I’ve had to fight my

own demons. I’m not saying they were as bad as what you’re facing but they were bad enough,” Tanner lapsed into silence as he watched his friend on the other

bed.

 

“Do you ever dream about G...Gary and what he was like b...before?”

 

“A couple of times. He was a good man before Beirut. I didn’t think anything could wreck our friendship. Guess I misread him.”

 

“I’m sorry for what he did to your friendship.”

 

“I’m not sorry for what he did to our friendship, Chris. I’m sorry for the way he did it. He used you in the worst possible way. You had nothing to do with Beirut or

my promise or his injuries and yet he saw fit to take it all out on you. I’m sorry, Chris, sorry for everything that son of a bitch did to you.”

 

“You’ve got nothing to apologize for, Vin. You couldn’t have known what happened to Wilcox or how it would affect him. He chose to ruin our friendship but he

didn’t do it,” Larabee said as he continued to fight sleep. “He didn’t, did he, Vin?”

 

Tanner heard the little hitch in Larabee’s voice and he slid from his bed, heedless of the pain in his lower back. He stepped over to the blonde’s bed and grasped his

arm in their private grasp of friendship. “No, Cowboy, he didn’t and he never will. I’m here, Chris and we’re going to fight to get our lives back. Are you willing to

fight for that, Cowboy?”

 

“As long as you’re willing to drop the guilt I still see in your eyes we can fight this together. Besides we owe the guys a little payback for the...”

 

“Shimmering shit breastellos,” Tanner deadpanned.

 

“Oh, shit,” Larabee laughed as he watched the younger man fight back his own smile. The two men released the tension in heartfelt laughter until silence once more

came over the room. “You’d best get back to bed before the nurse comes back.”

 

“Reckon she’d be angry if I was standing here when she came back in.”

 

“I reckon she would be.”

 

“You gonna be alright, Cowboy?”

 

“I’ll be fine, Vin,” Larabee assured him. He watched as Tanner stepped towards his own bed, shaking his head at the telltale slouch of the other man’s shoulders.

‘Will you ever get over his betrayal, Vin?’ he thought as he turned away from his friend to hide the fact that he wouldn’t allow himself to sleep.

Chapter 99

 

“Hey, Stud, you’re looking kinda tired,” Wilmington observed as he and JD came into the room.

 

“Buck, JD,” Larabee mumbled as he sat up more in the bed. He’d just finished a gruelling physiotherapy session and his leg, head, and chest were throbbing

incessantly.

 

“Are you alright, Chris?”

 

“Yeah, Buck, I’m fine. Just a little sore,” the blond answered.

 

“Physio?”

 

“Yeah. When they say they’re going to give you a workout they really mean it. I feel like Pony threw me and then stomped all over me.”

 

“The morphine’s not helping, Chris?”

 

“Sometimes, JD.”

 

“Sometimes meaning when you use it,” Wilmington observed.

 

“Buck.”

 

“You’ve been through a lot, Pard, and you look like shit.”

 

“Thanks, Buck, you’re a true friend.”

 

“You know what I mean, Chris. You’re not sleeping are you?”

 

Larabee’s eyebrow rose as he looked at his long time friend. “I’m sleeping just fine, Buck,” he lied.

 

“Are you, Chris. Hell you don’t have bags under your eyes anymore you got bloody big suitcases. The big kind you know the ones like Maude Standish brings with

her.”

 

“Buck, I’m fine.”

 

“Who’re you trying to convince?”

 

“Look, Buck, why don’t you just mind your own business. I said I’m fine and I am.”

 

“Problems, gentlemen?” Carol Locke asked as she stepped into the room.

 

“Not at all,” Larabee told her as he rested his arm over his eyes.

 

“Sounded like you guys were having a bit of a disagreement.”

 

“No disagreement, Ma’am, just telling Chris he looks like he hasn’t slept in ages.”

 

“Buck!”

 

“Chris?” Locke said softly.

 

“What?” the blond snapped tiredly.

 

“I know you haven’t been sleeping very well. I’ve got a meeting with your doctors in about half an hour and I want to know if there’s something you’d like me to tell

them.”

 

“Tell them to let me go home. Tired of being in here.”

 

“I’ll mention it. But I don’t think it’ll happen for at least a week. Dr. Silverman wants you to stay off that leg as much as possible. That means no more getting up in

the middle of the night to sit in a chair.”

 

“Look, Carol, I’ll sleep a lot better at home in my own bed.”

 

“Hi, Vin,” Dunne said as the door opened and the other occupant of the room came inside.

 

“JD, Buck,” he said and noticed the tense shoulders on the ladies man. “Carol, is something wrong?” he asked.

 

Carol Locke looked at her second patient a frown on her face. “Nothing a little sleep wouldn’t cure,” she told him.

 

Vin looked at the man on the bed. “You finally tell them you’re not sleeping, Cowboy?” he asked hopefully.

 

“Never said I wasn’t sleeping,” Larabee hissed through a yawn.

 

“You sound tired, Chris,” Dunne said.

 

Larabee dropped his legs over the edge of the bed, sitting up to quickly and gasping in pain as he did, “I told all of you I’m fine. Just leave me alone and I’ll sleep

when I’m ready,” he hissed as he climbed to his feet. He groaned as he put weight on his right leg and would have fallen if not for the quick hands of Buck

Wilmington. “T...thanks,” he hissed.

 

“Chris, you do realize if you cause any damage to that leg you’ll be prolonging your stay?” Locke asked as Wilmington settled him back on the bed.

 

“Oh, great,” Larabee hissed as he laid back against the pillows, regretting the move instantly as his sleep deprived body and mind told him he wouldn’t be awake

much longer. “Dammit,” he swore as his eyes slid shut and he was instantly asleep.

 

“I think he’s asleep,” Dunne whispered as he noticed the pale face relax as his breathing evened out.

 

“Bout time,” Wilmington hissed softly.

 

“He won’t sleep long,” Tanner observed as he moved to his own bed.

 

“What do you mean?” Dunne asked.

 

“He’s been waking up within an hour or so of falling asleep. Look, guys, he’s having nightmares about what they did to him.”

 

“He needs to...”

 

“Talk about the nightmares,” Tanner finished before Locke could. “We just can’t force him to do it. I know Chris well enough to know he’ll never open up unless it’s

something he wants to do.”

 

“You’re a smart man, Vin,” Locke smiled at the sharpshooter. “I’ll talk to his doctors about getting him something to help him sleep.”

 

“Just make sure they leave it up to Chris whether or not he takes it,” Wilmington told her.

 

Carol Locke smiled at Larabee’s three friends. They knew him so well and knew more about him than anyone else. She’d already planned on giving her patient the

option of whether or not he’d take the sleeping pills. “I will, Buck,” she assured him. “Let him sleep,” she ordered as she left the room.

 

Vin sat on the edge of his bed and kept his eyes on the face of his friend. He groaned as he moved further up in the bed and laid back against the pillows.

 

“You all right, Vin?” Wilmington asked.

 

“I’m fine, Buck,” he grinned sheepishly as the ladies man cocked an eyebrow.

 

“Sure you are,” Buck grinned back.

 

“Just a little tired and sore,” Tanner admitted.

 

“Why don’t you go to sleep?”

 

“I think I will, Buck,” the younger man said as he shifted on the bed, pulling the blanket up over himself and closing his eyes. He felt the drag of sleep and knew he’d

soon be joining his friend in the nightmare world they both resided in.

 

“We’ll be back in a couple of hours, Vin. You two get some sleep,” Wilmington ordered as he pulled JD out of the room.

 

“Thanks, Boys,” Tanner mumbled through a yawn.

Chapter 100

 

He was running, from what or who he had no idea but he knew he needed to escape. The warehouse was locked up tight and there were no doors or

windows. It didn’t matter what he did he always ended up in front of the chair holding the dead body of his best friend. A body emaciated and tortured to

the point where it was barely recognizable as Chris Larabee. ‘Why? Godammit, why didn’t you kill me, Wilcox? I’m the one who broke my promise. Why

the fuck did you have to make Chris pay the price?’ he screamed as he continued to search for a way out. A way to get free of the image ingrained in his

mind. The image of his betrayal of the one man whose friendship he valued above all else.

 

He heard a sound and turned to the body in the chair. The arms and legs so thin and bloodless. The green eyes dark and dead as he stared. ‘I’m sorry,

Chris,’ he sobbed as the corpse began pulling it’s hands out of the manacles. He groaned as he heard the sickening sound of flesh being torn as what was

left of Chris Larabee pulled his ruined hands from the nails embedded in then.

 

‘You did this to me!’ the broken mouth gasped as it moved towards him.

 

‘No! It wasn’t me, Chris. It wasn’t.’

 

‘You killed me. You paid them to do this to me!’ the corpse hissed as it closed the distance between itself and the younger man. ‘I’m dead because you

broke your promise,’ the blond head snarled. ‘All because you wanted me dead!’

 

‘No! Jesus, Chris, I  didn’t,’ he cried out as the cold hand, dripping with blood reached up and touched his face. ‘No!’

 

“No! Jesus, Chris, no!”

 

Larabee sat up in bed at the terrifying scream from the next bed. “Vin,” he hissed as he dropped his legs over the side of the bed, ignoring the fire igniting in his thigh.

He gasped as the IV line pulled tight. He swung his legs back over the other side of the bed and grasped the IV pole. Leaning heavily against it he limped to his

friends side. He knew by the painful cries and the lines etched in the younger man’s face that he was in the throes of a nightmare. From the sounds he was making

Larabee knew it was one that could rival his own for terror and pain. “Vin, it’s ok,” he said. “It’s just a dream,” Larabee tried to wake the younger man. “Come on,

Vin, wake up.”

 

He didn’t hear the door open or notice Susan James standing at the entrance to the room. His eyes and ears were focused on helping the younger man. Susan kept

the door open slightly, knowing this could be the one thing that would make both her patients come to terms with the nightmares they both shared.

 

“Vin!” Larabee’s voice rose an octave as he tried to get through to his friend.

 

The voice so close to him penetrated the wall he’d built around himself in order to escape the macabre sight of his dead friend. His eye snapped open and landed on

the pale face of the blond. At first the image of the corpse followed him from the nightmare but he was soon able to focus on his friend. “C...Chris,” he stammered as

he sat up to quickly, causing a small spasm to erupt in his back.

 

“Some nightmare, Pard,” Larabee stated.

 

“You’re telling me,” Tanner grinned weakly as he sat up in the bed.

 

Larabee sat beside his friend and stared at the pale face. “Want to talk about it?” he asked.

 

“I’ll make a deal with you, Cowboy, you tell me about yours and I’ll tell you about mine,” Tanner suggested.

 

Larabee turned away and gazed out the window, “I’m not having any nightmares, Vin,” he lied.

 

“Guess that makes two of us,” Tanner observed.

 

Larabee turned back to his friend, breathing deeply. His eyes filled with moisture as he met the blue eyes of the one man who knew just how much this nightmare of

reality and dreams affected him. Lowering his eyes to the floor he began speaking softly. “The dreams are bad, Vin.”

 

“I know they are, Chris, but it’ll do no good to keep them bottled up inside,” he said as he waited for his friend to continue.

 

“Seems like every time I close my eyes W...Whelan’s there. I can still feel the nails entering my hands, V...Vin,” Larabee muttered as he turned from the face of his

friend.

 

Vin Tanner remained quiet, knowing his friend needed to get everything out in his own way.

 

“I...I couldn’t do anything to stop him,” Larabee massaged his hands not realizing he was pressing against the nearly healed puncture wounds. “H...he told me exactly

what he was going to do before he did it. I...I didn’t think I’d ever see any of you guys again. I pleaded, Vin, I begged that son of a bitch to stop but he just laughed.

His voice was cold a...and I could sense the evil inside him.”

 

Tanner watched the emotions coming over the blonde’s face as he swallowed his pride and talked about his fears.

 

“He didn’t want me dead, Vin, he wanted me alive and awake to feel everything he did to me. The bamboo s...shoots were the worst, Vin. H...have you ever had

a...anyone use them o...on y...you?” he asked and saw his friends head shake ever so slightly. “It’s like nothing you ever felt before and he’d make sure I knew what

was coming,” Larabee’s voice rose steadily as he talked of the pain and the fears he’d been exposed to. “Jesus, Vin, how can anybody do that to another human

being? I...I know Gary Wilcox paid h...him to do it but he didn’t tell W...Whelan what to do. The sick bastard t...taunted me with the videos too. I knew he was

going to send them to you and I tried not to make a sound, b...but...I’m s...sorry, I j...just couldn’t s...stop myself...”

 

“Chris, it’s alright. No one could’ve gone through what you did and not make a sound,” Tanner assured him.

 

“Vin, I’ve been shot, stabbed, beaten, hell you name it and I’ve been through it but this was different. This was one man t...torturing....Oh, God, Vin he t...tortured

me. He took everything from me. He took my dignity, my sense of being me. He took Sarah and Adam’s memory and used it against me. He took you from me. He

took everything I care about and twisted it in order to t...torture me. Oh, Jesus, it was worse than any nightmare because this one I can’t fucking wake up from.

Asleep or awake it’s the same fucking thing! How can I get past it all, like Susan says when it’s constantly on my mind? It keeps being repeated and everything

reminds me of it. Reminds me that I’ll never have my life back,” Larabee placed his hands over his eyes and fought back the emotions that threatened to boil over.

“You know, Vin, I’m not sure if it’s what Whelan did to me physically that’s the problem,” Chris whispered as he turned back to his friend.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Larabee tried to stand but sat back when he realized his leg wasn’t going to hold up under the strain. He rubbed his tired eyes and looked down at a small spot on

the floor, “I’ve been through the physical wounds and been able to come out of it the same man I always was but this time it’s more like a f...feeling of being helpless.

Of not being able to do something I know I should be able to do yet being afraid to face it. I can’t look at myself in the mirror, Vin, without being reminded of what

he said and what he did. I mean I’m supposed to be this big macho leader of The Firm but I turn into a coward when faced with a little pain. I should be able to put

this behind me and get on with my life. But I can’t! I can’t fucking sleep because I know I’m going to relive every single thing he did to me. That makes me a

coward!”

 

“Chris, you’re not a coward. You’re just not used to feeling helpless. What Whelan did to you is enough to break any man. Don’t you understand that? You’ve been

put through hell not once, not twice but three times. No wonder you feel helpless, Cowboy. Anyone would when the world they thought was safe and secure is

turned into a waking nightmare by a man who gets his jollies from physical and mental torture. Most men would have lost their sanity by now, Pard, but not you.

You’ve proven time and again how strong you are.”

 

Larabee shook his head as he turned to his friend. “Strong, Vin? I don’t think so. I...I think Whelan managed to do what he wanted even though he died in the

warehouse. He took everything from me.”

 

“No, Cowboy, he didn’t. He didn’t take me or Buck or any of the others. We’re still here and between us we’ll all come through this better men. Oh, I’m sure it’s

not gonna end overnight but we can fight for it. We’re stronger when we fight for something together. We keep each other honest, Pard, we keep each other sane.”

Tanner wrapped his arm around his friend and pulled him close. It was a gesture neither man would usually make but the experience they’d recently shared made it

seem necessary. The slight trembling in the lean body made him realize just how deeply his friend was affected by their talk.  “Hey, Cowboy, maybe things’ll get

easier now that you’ve talked it over,” he muttered quietly.

 

“I...I hope so, Vin,” Larabee’s voice was soft as he pulled away from his friend. His slouched shoulders showing just how much their talk affected him. Breathing

deeply and unable to handle the throbbing pain in his leg and ribs any longer, he pressed the button on the morphine infusion pump. He turned and met the blue eyes

of the younger man and saw the unshed moisture reflected in them as well. He smiled weakly, “Guess it’s your turn.”

 

“I’m ok, Chris.”

 

“We had a deal, Tanner, don’t try to back out of it now,” Larabee angrily grated out.

 

‘Way to go, Chris,’ Susan James thought as she heard Larabee’s voice telling Tanner it was his turn. ‘Make him open up and just maybe you two will get your

lives back,’ she thought.

 

Vin Tanner knew he’d have to keep this deal. He slowly turned away from his friend so he could see the blue sky outside the window. Taking a deep breath he

began speaking softly. “I keep thinking of the man Gary was. The friendship we had before Beirut. We were close, Chris, not as close as you and me but we were

close. We did so many things together and I thought we knew each other. I thought he was someone I could respect for the rest of my life. Guess that shows you

what a bad judge of character I was. The son of a bitch turned out to be a demon from hell. Jesus, he paid someone to do t...this to you. Paid him to make you suffer

even though he didn’t know you. He took all his anger for me out on you.”

 

“Wasn’t your fault, Vin. Gary let his anger fester until it changed him You said he was a totally different man when you knew him before. Maybe that’s something

that’ll help us get past all this,” Larabee mused.

 

“What?”

 

‘Say it, Chris,’ James thought as she realized the blond had hit upon something that could help them both.

 

“I don’t want to turn into a bitter man because of this. I don’t want to let it build up inside me till it tears me apart,” Larabee whispered.

 

“Me either, Cowboy, but I can’t get past what they did to you,” Tanner snapped. “I see it every time I close my eyes. It’s like watching that damned video tape over

and over until it becomes a part of every living moment. Its not a movie anymore and I can’t get the picture of you in that fuckin’ chair out of my mind, Chris! I see it

every time I close my eyes. I see it every time I look at...”

 

“Me?” Larabee asked.

 

“Yeah,” Tanner snapped as he turned back to his friend, regretting the sharp tone immediately. “Sorry.”

 

“Don’t be, Vin. I understand how it must’ve felt,” Larabee’s words were soft and filled with despair. He swallowed with some difficulty as he once more met the blue

eyes. “I think part of the problem is we both had something ripped from us. You lost a friend not once but twice. I mean you lived through G...Gary’s death just after

Beirut with his friendship and memory intact. Now you’ve got to deal with the new memories and how much he changed.”

 

“I can deal with that, Chris, what I can’t deal with is how much he hurt you,” Tanner hissed sharply.

 

“Vin, the worst part of what he did to me is wondering if I’ll ever feel safe again. I mean I’ve dealt with Sarah and Adam’s death. It was hard but I got past it and a

lot of that was due to your being there. He tried to take that security from me. He tried to make it so I wouldn’t be able to look at you without thinking of what

happened. But it’s not going to work. I c...can’t let it work. I c...can’t lose the most important thing in my life since Sarah and Adam and that’s what I think you are.

You’re my brother, Vin. Our lives have become so intertwined and I don’t think anything or anyone will be able to break that bond,” Larabee stared at his friend,

each man knowing what those words meant. It was time to get past what Wilcox, Whelan, and Sharpe did to them. Time to show how true friendship could stand up

to anything that was thrown at it.

 

“I’m sorry, Chris,” Tanner broke the silence, his soft drawl cutting through whatever remained to be said.

 

“Told you it wasn’t your fault, Pard. It’s time we both remembered we are the victim’s in this. Time to take back our lives,” Larabee yawned as he looked at his bed.

 

“Tired, Chris?” Tanner asked.

 

“Yeah, I am, Cowboy,” Larabee groaned as he slid off the bed. “I feel like I could sleep for a week,” he hissed as he put more weight on his right leg and headed for

his own bed. “I must be getting old,” he said as he slid into his own bed.

 

“Not old, Cowboy,” Tanner said as he lay back on his own bed. ‘Maybe now we can both get the sleep we need,’ he thought as he closed his eyes.

 

“Vin?”

 

“Yeah, Chris?”

 

“Thanks.”

 

“For what?”

 

“For listening. For understanding. For being a man I’m proud to call friend. Promise me we’ll always be able to get past anything life throws our way.”

 

“Ah, hell, Chris, I promise, because that’s what friends are for,” Tanner smiled as he realized how much those words meant to him. His friendship with Chris Larabee

had survived and prospered even after the blows it was dealt. Now the real healing could begin and their lives, although changed, would continue with a stronger

bond between them. A bond of trust and shared promises. He slowly let himself relax as he sank towards a healing sleep. “Good night, Cowboy,” he laughed as he

heard Larabee’s barely audible reply.

 

“Did you just call me a Cowboy?”

 

Susan James stood outside the door. She knew there was still a ways to go for the members of The Firm but a major step was just taken by the two men who

needed the most healing. She moved away from the room and headed for her meeting with their doctors. Glad that she’d have a little good news to share with them.