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Murmured Musings
~ Hadiya Olwyn ~


On the Darkness in the World

The Darkness ever creeps forth over the world.. constant and inexorable in its progress. The hearts of men and beasts are as fertile fields for it to flourish and perpetuate, that is the true horror of evil. Not that it can overpower those with goodness in their hearts, but the willingness of many to accept its poisoned gifts and act against their fellows..

On Her Doubts of Self

Sweet Nadezdha.. I shall never understand your choice. I am none of the things a proper servant of your will should be. I am young when I should be wise, I act when I should wait, I speak when I should hold my tongue.. and I question when I should hold unwavering faith.. I do have faith.. in You, your grace, your will and your rightness in all things, therefore I must accept that you have chosen me and believe that somewhere within me is the one worthy of your confidence. But it is a hard thing to know my own flaws so intimately that they scream brazenly how illsuited I am to the task you have set me.. Tremble.. I have no doubt that he is aptly named. And it was wise of the Old Ones to caution me not to face him directly, I am overeager when it comes to aiding those who need it, and when those in need fill the whole world to overflowing.. I am undone.. ~ * ~ Sweet sweet Lady.. I am but your humble servant, I do what I can to ease the suffering of those whose lives are not what they wish in this world. I have such faith, but I do not understand how one who has been blessed with power by your glory could doubt you or those who hold the heavens with you. Is she a test? Of my faith? Of my patience? I pray that it is not so for I do not know how to convince one who has fallen from their faith back into it. And she sees me as a child and a fool, even if I had the words to show her what I know, she would not hear them. I hope that I have not failed you or dissappointed you in anything I have done. Kolya is a place I could never have imagined, and I am not certain it has been improved by my visit here. There is such wrongness in the world that cannot be overcome by one alone. I have gathered a few fragile companions, but none are as strong, either in spirit or in faith as I could wish. Even those who I would have thought to find faith in do not hold it. I pray only that you continue to favor me with your guidance and your blessing, and I shall continue to do my best to serve your will and combat the evil which endeavors to overtake the world and the hearts of men. Please, help me to find that which poisons the hearts and bring it to the end, I ache for all those who have been tainted by it. I thank you again for your mercy and kindness. And for listening to a simple woman's prayer.. Hadiya sighs and gazes out the window for a time, hoping to hear Eduard's return before giving herself over to sleep.

On the Matter of Men

.: Beautiful women obtain wealth and violent men get rich. Proverbs 11:16 :. What is it with men that they can seem so rational, so.. in control of themselves, then fancy overtakes them and it is like they no longer have any idea what they're doing.. Gregor ~ Ahh Gregor.. I barely know the man you've become, and yet I miss having you at my side. Childhood is too fleeting, Time marches implacably onward despite our protests.. Sometimes I think a life with you and Luchan would bring me such joy, but in my heart I know that I could never live with myself if I abandoned my slated tasks. Forgive me Gregor.. I am not my own mistress, if I had a hand in our fates I would set you and Luchan aside where you would remain safe until I could return.. but you would never accept that, I know. You are both men of action, men who have made sacrifices for blood and country, for your masters and the land. Such men will not be set aside where their safety is assured.. especially not by a woman, no matter her role. Else there would be far fewer grieving widows and fatherless babes in the world.. Eduard ~ Eduard, Eduard.. you are yet a mystery. Some days I think I know you more closely than anyone else, some days I fear you've duped me as you have all the others.. I cannot help but feel that you are more than you appear to be, there is a river of commitment that runs deeply within you, unwavering commitment to your ideals. It has been long since a woman appreciated you for the man you are, strong, steadfast and compassionate.. The good man you have always been is still within you, the Butcher of Kolya is merely a mask you wear to impose your peace upon these savages.. I must believe that. Haun'nar ~ Oh Haun'nar.. you are a child. I cannot fault you for it, but I sincerely wish you had not chosen to act so foolishly here in Kolya. In the wooded plain it matters not how you boast or how you win your battles.. In a land of jealous and volatile men you must tread a certain way.