1.) Give Justin a mirror and explain to him that, contrary to popular belief, he is, in fact, white.
2.)Explain to Lance that in most *normal* families, Mom and Dad aren't related until AFTER the wedding.
3.)Tell JC that naptime isn't acceptable after, say, age 10.
4.)Explain to Chris that no matter how crazy, sany, and kooky he is, *boyband member* isn't cool once you hit 30.
5.)Tell Joey that, in most states, 15 and 22 constitutes a felony. (Then give him a dictionary so he can look up the words *constitutes* and *felony*).
6.)Explain to Justin that *ebonics* doesn't count as a 2nd language.
7.) Take away JC's stuffed animals. Better yet, take away his pillow.
8.)Explain to Chris that no one is going to buy clothing designed by an almost 30 year old boyband member-especially not when it's called Fumanskeeto.
9.)Explain to Lance that the words *Cuz I'm from Mississippi* don't mean squat.
10.)Tell Justin that, due to overprocessing, his hair will be gone by the time he turns 25.
11.)Ask Chris when he plans to hit puberty.
12.)Tell JC that *anal-retentiveness* isn't a good thing.
13.)Explain to Joey that prositution is illegal in most states-so is pimping.
14.)Take away Justin's steroids.
15.)Explain to Joey that idolizing Frankie Lyman doesn't say much for his character.
16.)Tell Justin that neither Tyra Banks nor Halle Berry wants him.
17.)Tell Justin that after the AMA's, Jay Z and his boys probably laughed at him.
18.)Better yet, tell Justin that Jay Z still doesn't know who he is.
19.)While you're at it, tell Chris that Busta Rhymes doesn't know (or likely care) who HE is either.
20.)Tell Chris that, no matter how hard he tries, he will never BE Busta Rhymes. (Or even a reasonable facsimile.)
21.)Ask Joey if he REALLY graduated from high school or if his teacher just passed him because he was the *best she ever had*.
22.)Ask Lance if he's ever dated one of his *coughcoughfemalecoughcough* cousins.
23.)Explain to ALL of *N SYNC that *yes, we know Giddy Up isn't about horses* and *yes, we DO know what it's REALLY about*
24.)Tell Justin that he wasn't cool on MMC.
25.)Point out to Justin that he was WHITE on MMC and ask him when the change came.
26.)Explain to Chris and Justin that they alone cannot keep FUBU in business.
27.)Tell Justin he can't rap.
28.)Tell JC to step away from the crack before he goes onstage. *coughcoughcha-spazwhatcoughcough*
29.)Ask Chris if he thinks it's weird that he's 27 and his best friend is 18.
30.)Ask Joey if he knows what abstinence means.
31.)Ask Chris if any of *N SYNC's fans are his children.
32.)Ask Chris how it feels to look into the audience and know that 80% of the fans COULD be his kids.
33.)Ask Justin what his natural hair colour is.
34.)Ask JC if he's the only member of *N SYNC who's not getting any.
35.)Ask Justin why he wasn't at the NAACP or the Essence Awards
36.)Tell JC that you get more sleep than he does. *Nah nah nah nah nah!*
37.)Tell Justin you saw him on Star Search.
38) Ask JOEY how many of nsyncs fans are his children.
39) Talk to Lance...and mention Toby the horse.
40) Take away Justin's BET.
41) Tell Chris you're taking away his pixie sticks.
42) Tell JC that it's better to be known as the *big daddy* for other reasons than being the bossy responsible serious one...
43)Tell Lance your eyebrows are better than his-and yours are natural
44) Tell Justin that no matter how hard he tries, in NO way will he ever be "like Mike"
45) Take away Lance's Bonne Bell lip gloss.
46) Tell Joey that *N SYNC has gone bankrupt and they have to repossess EVERYTHING of his....bye bye superman necklace.
47) Tell Justin NSYNC has gone bankrupt and the IRS is reposessing the Benz. How much you wanna bet he'll cry like a baby?
48) Tell Justin that he's bald, bankrupt, and washed up and now Nick Carter will be the center of attention and Teen Magazine's #1 hunk. (note: NICK IS #1...sorry my teenybopper personality had too much coffee)
49) Tell Joey that Superman is dead.
And the 50th Way to Make *N SYNC Cry......
50) Tell them that the the hole in the ozone layer has shifted and all *N SYNC fans are pledging their allegiance -and all of their lunch money-- to the Backstreet Boys
Back to home (on the range)