How to Catch a BSB
(Okay people, I'm sure you've seen those horrible "How to meet and date a BSB" on some retard teenybopper sites. Maybe you haven't. Well, if you really want them, there's the REAL way to catch a BSB...
Jeff Maloney: hi I'm Jeff Maloney.
Ted Greeno: and I'm Ted Greeno.
Jeff: (puts a fisherman's cap over his scraggly white hair) And we're here to show you how to hook a BSB. (smiles widely, looking at the forest and river around him).
Ted:(watches Ted, patting his Rogaine-inspired hair affectionatly)well first you've got to decide with Boy you want. If you're young and cute, choose Howie.
Jeff:(smacks him, his dentures flip out onto the ground ) you mean Nick!! Choose Howie if you can't get any.
Ted: (shoves the dentures back in)that too. If you're sweet and religious, choose AJ.
Jeff:(backhands him) damn you!! you mean Brian!! Choose AJ if you recently ran out of crack.
Ted:(glares at Jeff) hmmph. And if you're old and stupid, like Jeff, choose Kevin.
Jeff:(gets a faraway dreamy look, then snaps back to reality)so, first we'll start with Brian. Get your pole out.
Ted:(pulls out his pole)one kind of bait to try is this...
Jeff:(grabs his Holy Bible) it always works.
Ted: Praise the lord.
Jeff:(hooks the bible on his hook)while I'm doing this...
Ted: I'll be trying the other bait for Brian.(pulls out a silicon falsie)The boy always responds to this one, or that little Taco Bell Dog.
Jeff:(dipping hs pole in the water, laughing) Drop the chalupa.
Ted: Drop the chalupa.
Jeff: I got a bite. (looks at his line and pulls it in).
Ted: oh no. It's JC. He's a bible fiend too. Damn.
Jeff: (tosses limp JC back in the water) ok I'll move on to AJ. I'll use marijuana for my bait. (tosses his baited line back in).
Ted:(pulls his line in) I got a bite!! Oh wait, it's only Tommy Lee, hoping for Pamela. (tosses Tommy back in). I'll go on to Howie. I use inflatable dwarfs and trolls. His air head will float up to meet his brothers!!(throws in little air filled men)
Jeff: I havent gotten anything.
Ted: while I'm waiting, I'll try for Nick. (pulls out a refridgerator, hooking it to his line. He tosses the line in)
Jeff: isn't that polluting??
(Ted is pulled in the water by the weight of the fridge)
Jeff: oh no!! Help!! Help!! Wait, now I get Kevin to myself!! But no threesomes!! Wait, Ted, I'm comin for ya hun!! (dives into the water, disappearing soon)
(Brought in by the calls of human voices, three teens wander into the clearing)
Josh: oh no, was that the Blair Witch??
Heather: no, some old fogeys.
Mike: look!! some crack!! (pulls it off the hook)
Josh: We're saved!!
(Suddenly, Howie's body appears, floating with the other trolls.)
Heather: Holy shit!!
Josh: it's it's the Blair Witch!!
(Josh and Heather run away, leaving doped up Mike)
Howie: hey there baby
Mike: (looks up) hey whats a cutie like you doing out here??
Howie: I dunno (strips) wanna...you know?? (points down there)
Mike: sure. (ties Howie's shoelaces)
Howie: oh baby that felt so good.
(Mike grabs Howie, pulling him off into the woods, they do and undo shoelaces all night long.)
And thats how Howie got a boyfriend.
