I was in a relationship with a man for
over 2 years who I thought was the greatest.
In the beginning he was so caring, romantic,
very handsome and just a joy to be around.
Within in 6 months I began the worst
nightmare of my life. He became very
possessive, controlling and the physical
abuse started with hair pulling on night. He
was very jealous and we couldn't even go out
without a fight breaking out. Then of course
we'd get home and he's start pushing me
around. It got to where I was a prisoner of
my own house. Not allowed to leave anywhere
alone, not even to the store. He got worse as
time went by. No longer going anywhere it
became things like a wrong look or a few
dishes in the sink. I just couldn't do
anything right or so he constantly told me.
This was from 1994 to 1996. I was in the
middle of my divorce when I met this man and
he told me all the things I was longing to
hear..Boy how vulnerable can one
be.
Time went on and he found a drug
called Meth that took over his life and the
violence got worse. I'm not a drinker or one
who uses drugs at all. So he's slap me, pull
my hair, put a gun to my head and he called
me a cop. Well, I'm not a cop, but a nurse
and I tried with all my might to get him the
help he needed, but of course he had no
problem..
One night he came in blasted on who
knows what...I was upset and went into our
spare room, he came in and basically I had
black and blue marks all over my body
including my neck. At one point I came to and
he was breathing the life back into me to say
he loved me and he was sorry..The next day,
he looked at me and said "what the hell
happened to you?" I tried to tell him and he
said no way someone else must of done that to
you..I really couldn't believe someone could
forget a thing like this so easily. He made
me go with him that day. He was a catering
jeweler and we traveled. Well, I wasn't about
to go in looking like that and the more I sat
there in my Van, the sadder I got the tears
just wouldn't stop..All I wanted was to break
the cycle and I knew alone it couldn't
happen. From where I don't know, but I
finally drove the van straight to the police
station and asked for help. They went out,
found him and arrested him o Felony Assault &
Battery...He spent 45 days in Jail..Had some
counselling and was let out with the
condition NO MORE VIOLENT CONTACT what so
ever or he'd go to Prison...Ok...I worked
some when he was in jail, but once he got out
wasn't allowed to. Hmmmm. Back to same old
controlling guy. The physical, mental and
emotional abuse continued. He was Jailed in
May and was out in July.
We stayed together, but my eyes were
opening. I was stuck..No family, no friends,
no money...I felt like I was in Prison. It
was a day in August I took him back to court
for another matter he got himself into, that
he raised his fist at me cause he was late..I
told him OH NO you can't threaten me in that
manner anymore and if you do I'll be sure
judge knows. WOW....was he angry.no longer
able to make me wince and back down. He said
oh great you think you have your thumb on me
don't you...and he left out of the van. Well,
he disappeared and for 3 days I looked for
him in 105 degree weather. More worried at
him instead of me. You see I have Lupus and
was pretty ill during this time of my life.
Became dependent instead of the independent
woman that I've always been ..
I ended up in the hospital after realizing I
felt horrible and had smacked a pole at the
gas station denting my Van. Had double
vision, a migraine and just felt like I was
gonna die. Well, it was dehydration, heat
exhaustion, kidney infection and a Lupus
flare. After a day I got a phone call..I
called his mother to tell her to tell him if
she saw him. Well, he thought it was a
trap.He said I wasn't in the hospital and he
thought he was going to prison for raising
his fist at me. Well, several days in the
hospital gave me time to gather a little
sense. I got out and for 6 more hours looked
for him. I emotionally was exhausted and felt
my wold was ending. I owned a small gun and
sat in a phone booth with the gun in my
mouth..This is not me. I called for help
again and a cop came to talk with me. I could
of ended up in the nut house, but this cop
was a very understanding guy. He took my gun
and said in 3 days I could reclaim in. I
never did.
I almost lost myself that day and
finally realized I needed to leave for good.
I got a trailer and went and packed up
personal belongings and off I went crying all
the way out of the state...It was 10 days
later I received a call from his mother. He
had gone nuts looking for me and said he was
just trying to teach me a lesson. He really
never thought I'd leave. You see these type
of people want full control and beat you down
to where you have no self esteem and
eventually you are their possession, their
punching bag and despite the fact LOVE is
there, because the abuse happens usually
after you've fallen head over heals in love
with them. The I'm sorries, flowers, gifts
and promises are just ways for more time
cause they don't want to be alone to start
the process all over again.
Well, the phone call was
to tell me he had been killed. He was killed
August 16, 1999. Exactly 10 days after I left
him. He was shot in the head by the LAPD. He
was high on drugs and alcohol. The police
said they couldn't find me and worried about
me when they ran a check on him and seen was
his last charge was. They broke open his
trunk afraid I was in there. I really could
of been.
The next time I was even close to him
was at his funeral standing next to a closed
casket. I just thought to myself....That
could of been me... I did love the man, but
Love can't end the violence. You have to get
out ASAP..If these people who abuse really
want to change let them change first..Don't
be a punching bag for anyone.
NEVER LOOSE YOURSELF TRYING TO SAVE
SOMEONE ELSE IN THE CASE OF A DOMESTIC
VIOLENT OR MENTAL, PHYSICAL OR EMOTIONALLY
ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP...BE STRONG....Be Smart
and most of all GET
OUT....
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