Memories Fade

by Savage Vampire (liv_chick@hotmail.com)

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story is purely fictional; none of these events ever had or will happen. Some scenes may *disturb* some readers... but besides that, if you have any thoughts about the story, feel free to email me - I love feedback :)

Nothing was ever going to be the same again. Nothing.

Daniel glared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. Gripping the sides of the sink before him, he slightly recoiled at the sight of himself.

His normally tanned golden skin was almost white - sickly pale, to say at least. His usually bright grey-green eyes had lost their sparkle, replacing with a dull, apathetic glow. Sharp cheekbones which framed his thin angular face had grown more pronounced. He looked like a living skeleton.

But he knew what he had to do. It was so quick and simple. Last time, he'd caused such a fuss for nearly succeeding. This time though, he made certain no-one was around.

It was Darren who had found him last time, lying in the filled tub, fully clothed, with his bloody wrists hanging out at the sides. He would never forget the dark-haired singer's screams...

That was almost a month ago. He had woken up to tear-stained faces hovering over him in hospital.

He loved them. And he knew they all loved him: mum, dad, Oliver, Jonathan. Darren wasn't allowed in because it was family only, but he yelled and demanded like crazy until he was finally admitted.

Poor Darren.

They had private time alone together afterwards. They didn't speak to each other much; all Darren could do was to hold him close, his silent tears wetting his own fair hair.

At the thought of Darren, he almost started to have second thoughts whether what he was about to do was worth it. Worth the elimination of his emotional pain but to the cost of others'. Especially Darren's.

He sighed. Women. Why did they have to exist? All they ever do is cause him internal agony. Past girlfriends had always betrayed him. It was like a never ending pattern - he'd fall hopelessly in love, then after a few blissful months or even years, it was over - just like that. Always the same bloody excuses: it wasn't working, things have changed, it's me not you, yadda yadda yadda. The next day he would find them in the arms of another bastard.

But the final straw came with Michelle. They had known each other since junior high and had been off and on for years - until they finally got it together a couple of years ago. Daniel thought he had finally found what he was looking for - true love forever. And Michelle seemed to be equally as devoted as he was.

Things were going beautifully until last month.

She too, strayed. And just a month before the wedding too. How sweet of her. This time, however, he wasn't going to take anymore chances. She had hurt him the most - he vowed never to carelessly fall in love again. He never wanted to feel that pain ever again.

He glanced at the clock. Ten minutes to nine on this cool, Sunday night.

Everything was ready. The small, shiny pair of hairdresser's scissors was waiting. Nicked it off his hair stylist. It was just too easy, and no-one saw him. Thank God as well, or else he'd have some very serious answering to do.

Now. No more wasting precious time by all this useless contemplation. Last time the whole process was nice and messy - the physical pain took over the mental pain and it was such a beautiful feeling. The thrilling sense of freedom and weightlessness...

Very slowly, he picked up the scissors. The razor sharp blade caught the light above and glinted menacingly.

One slash. Two.

Dark liquid spurted everywhere. Splattered over his new white Gautier top and black jeans. Veins of it trailed slowly down his arms.

He smiled. He'd double locked the the house and bathroom door outside so there was no way in the world anyone could disturb him.

He cut again for the third time. More blood spurted out; he dropped the scissors and it made a clang as it hit the floor. Dizziness struck him hard and closing his eyes, he leaned against the wall for support.

"DANIEL! DANIEL! OPEN UP!"

His eyes shot open. Who the hell could that be?

Outside, someone was pounding on the bathroom door. How in God's name did they enter my house?? I locked it!

"DAN!" the voice was frantic and desperate now. "OPEN THE BLOODY DOOR!"

Darren. Again. Oh fuck.

He didn't answer him. The pounding became more and more insistant; no, that was an understatement, it sounded like Darren was tearing the whole door down.

There was loud thuds being heard from outside as it seemed singer was kicking his way in.

"DAN! I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE! PLEASE, JUST OPEN THE DOOR!"

He could hear choked sobs outside as the all the kicking and pounding and thumping was going on. Darren worked out often - and it certainly paid off. The door was creaking precariously under his viciously powerful attacks.

He looked down at this arms; the blood was now flowing profusely. A new fresh wave of light-headedness hit him again and weakly he sanked back against the cold wall, sliding slowly down to the equally cold tiled floor.

Oblivion. An escape to another world. Just a few more moments of this excurciating numbness in his wrists and everything would be alright...

It took Darren a few more hits then the door burst open. His bloodshot eyes wildly roamed the room.

"Daniel?!" he shouted. Then he spotted him, crouching at the corner, next to the sink. His eyes were half closed and a semi-smile played on his already blue lips. But it was the sight of his arms that almost made his heart stop; they were a mess.

"No..."

Immediately he was by his side, tenderly holding him up; he seemed so frail by the loss of blood, like a lifeless doll, as he leaned his head against him.

But he wasn't lifeless just yet. Barely.

Controlling the icy fear inside him , Darren tried to find a pulse. Yes, it was still there, though a very quiet one at that.

"... Daz... why are you here?" the blond man murmured, trying to lift his head to see him better.

"To save you," he whispered back, savagely blinking back the fresh torrent of tears. "To save you from this madness..." Daniel's hands were staining his shirt too, but he didn't care. Hell, what was to care right now when all this was going on?

"I... want... want to be left alone..." his voice was frighteningly becoming lower and lower. Biting his lips to prevent himself from screaming like crazy, Darren lovingly stroked the sides of his face.

"Dan, it's okay now, the ambulance will be here soon to help you."

"Ambulance? I don't wanna..."

"Shhh, you'll be fine, things are gonna be fine..."

"But how... ambulance..."

"I knew from the moment I found all your doors were locked inside out, you were up to no good. I rang them straight away."

"... up to no good eh?..." The blond one smiled brokenly in spite of himself. "... I'm a bad, bad person... I don't deserve to live..." He was rapidly losing consciousness.

It was nearly all too much. Darren couldn't stop the flood of tears that spilled over his cheeks.

"Jonesy," he said shakily.

No response. Daniel's eyes were closed and he was as white as a sheet.

"Jonesy?!" Louder this time. Careful not to cross the boundary of insanity.

Still no reponse.

There was nothing. Only the sound of water dripping from a leaking tap.

He opened his eyes.

Shit.

He was back at the same hospital. Alive.

His parents and brothers weren't there yet. But Darren was. He was sitting close by him, next to the bed, his bloodless face gazing back at him.

"Hey."

Darren tried to smile, but instead it turned out as an ugly grimace. He reached out and touched him.

"Hey yourself," he whispered.

They didn't say anything more for a moment. Daniel simply stared expressionlessly up at the pure white ceiling; too much things were going through his wretched mind.

"You saved me again." he said carefully, not looking at him.

Darren leaned closer, his large liquid eyes expressing only a wounded soul. He didn't seem to know what to say.

"Why did you do it again, Dan?" he finally blurted out. "Why? You never answered me last time."

"... I don't know..."

He looked down. Tight bundles of bandages covered his aching wrists and arms. But he noticed how pale his skin was. Too much this time; almost too much.

"I'd do anything in the world to help you, you know that."

"I know."

An uncomfortable pause. Finally, straining to keep his voice steady, Darren said hoarsely:

"I would never have forgiven myself if I hadn't came."

"Why did you anyway?"

"Something... I had a feeling something was up, so I followed my instincts."

Another pause.

"Darren?"

"Mmmm?"

"What if I told you it would have been my last wish that you never did came? That I wanted to die right then and there; that I didn't want you, of all people, to find me?"

The words stung the singer. It was like a million razor blades all at once piercing through his every being.

"It's Michelle, isn't it?"

He finally turned to look at him.

"Don't you--"

"I know, Dan. It's her and all the others."

"Now what makes you think that?" Hint of bitterness and remorse in his voice.

"Well, it's bloody obvious!" He stood up to clear his head. "When Michelle left, you haven't been quite the same, haven't you!"

"I'm too tired now to start with you."

"Start with me?!" He looked back at him, shocked tears in his eyes. It seemed like he was always crying nowadays. "God help me, my best friend tries to kill himself and here you go on about me lecturing you! What on earth is the matter with you?"

Daniel simply shook his head sadly. "I don't know," he quietly whispered, "I really don't know."