Just Shoot Me!
Two
elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch,
doing nothing.
One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?"
The other replies, "Oh sure I do."
The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?"
the second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver."
After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who
drives you to the beach?"
An
old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise
ship holding her hat on tightly so that it would not
blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her
and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be
forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing
up in this high wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to
hold onto this hat."
"But, madam, you must know that your privates are
exposed!"
said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and
replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years
old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"
Ethel and Mabel, two elderly widows, were watching
the
folks go by from their park bench. Ethel said, "You
know, Mabel, I've been reading this 'Sex and Marriage'
book and all they talk about is 'mutual orgasm'.
'Mutual orgasm' here and 'mutual orgasm' there-that's
all they talk about. Tell me, Mabel, when your husband
was alive, did you two ever have mutual orgasm?".
Mabel thought for a long while. Finally, she shook her
head and said, "No, I think we had State Farm.
Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their
retirement home reminiscing.
The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers
and demonstrated with her hands, the length and
thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.
The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to
be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the
size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a
piece.
The third old lady remarked, "I can't hear a word
you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking
about."
