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Joke Archive

Updated 4/06/02

A Blonde suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her. She goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment that same day, and, sure enough, when she opens the door, she finds him in the arms of a redhead. She becomes extremely angry. She opens her purse and pulls out the gun to shoot him, but she's suddenly overcome with grief. She puts the gun up to the side her head. Her boyfriend yells "Honey, don't do it." She replies "Shut up, you're next."

Updated 03/02

A woman walked into the kitchen and found her husband walking around with a
flyswatter.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Hunting flies," he responded.

"Oh! Killing any?" she asked.

"Yep . . . 3 males, 2 females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"

He replied, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone." (added 3/22/02)

Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

A blonde woman was in deep financial trouble, so decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note:

"I've kidnapped your child. Leave $25,000 in a plain brown bag behind the oak tree in the park by 7:00 am tomorrow."

The note was signed: "The Blonde."

She pinned the note inside the little lad's jacket and told him to go straight home.

The next morning, the blonde returned to the park to find $25,000 in a brown bag, just as she'd been instructed. Inside the bag was the following note:

"Here's your money. I can't believe one blonde would do this to another!"

Man: "Hey Baby, What's your sign?
Woman: "Do not enter!"

Sven and Ole worked together and both were laid off, so they went to the unemployment office.

Asked his occupation, Ole said, "Panty stitcher. I sew the elastic onto cotton panties."

The Clerk looked up panty stitcher.

Finding it classed as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.

Sven was asked his occupation. "Diesel fitter," he replied.

Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Sven $600 a week.

When Ole found out he was furious.
He stormed back in to the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.

The Clerk explained: Panty stitchers were unskilled and diesel fitters were skilled labor.

"What skill?" yelled Ole. "I sew the elastic on the panties, Sven puts them over his head and says,
"Yah, diesel fitter!"

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude. "With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!" Then she hollered..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. She then picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed. The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know I thought YOU were watching! "Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.

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