1. Motherhood -- If it was going to be easy, it never would
have started with something called labor!
2. Shouting to make your children obey is like using the horn
to steer your car, and you get about the same results.
3. To be in your children's memories tomorrow, you have to be
in their lives today.
4. The smartest advice on raising children is to enjoy them while
they are still on your side.
5. Avenge yourself -- Live long enough to be a problem to your children.
6. The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant
atmosphere -- and to let the air out of their tires.
7. The right temperature in a home is maintained by warm hearts,
not by hot heads.
8. Raising a teenager is a lot like trying to nail Jell-o to a tree.
9. Parents: People who bear infants, bore teenagers, and
board newlyweds.
10. The joy of motherhood: What a woman experiences when all the
children are finally in bed.
11. Life's golden age is when the kids are too old to need baby-sitters
and too young to borrow the family car.
12. Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so
he can tell when he's really in trouble.
13. Grandparents are similar to a piece of string -- handy to have around
and easily wrapped around the fingers of grandchildren.
14. A child outgrows your lap, but never outgrows your heart.
15. God gave you two ears and one mouth... so you should listen twice as
much as you talk.
16. There are three ways to get something done: Do it yourself,
hire someone to do it, or forbid your children to do it.
17. Adolescence is the age when children try to bring up their parents.
18. You know the only people in this world who are always sure about
the proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any.
19. Cleaning your house while your kids are at home is like trying to
shovel the driveway during a snowstorm.
21. There are only two things a child will share willingly:
communicable diseases and his mother's age.
22. Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
23. Adolescence is the age at which children stop asking questions
because they know all the answers.
24. An alarm clock is a device for awakening people who don't
have small children.
25. Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they
can in prison?
26. How do you cope when the apple of your eye becomes a bone in
your throat?
27. No wonder kids are confused today. Half the adults tell them to
find themselves; the other half tell them to get lost.
28. The persons hardest to convince they're at the retirement age are
children at bedtime.
29. Kids really brighten a household -- they never turn off any lights.
