Hi and welcome to my page. I`m not really around very much so I`ve employed a strange little man called Bob to look after it for me. He`ll be along soon, I`ll introduce you when he arrives. First let me tell you about him. Bob was born approximatly 33 years ago, this is hard to tell exactly though as his people don`t belive in linear time and it`s a pain in the arse trying to convert it accuratly using the mmnnnnputcket equation, so I`ve never bothered. It saves on birthday presents too. He was raised by the last remaining Scottish mongoose on the top of Cairngorm, after he was abandoned by his people at a young age (for being too hairy). There he lived for many happy years untill he was banished for eating the Mouse King, using his magic sword as a toothpick, and wiping his arse with the sacred royal robe while imprisoned for his crimes. He then headed off to the bright city lightes, determined to seek his fortune and buy his way back into mountain side society. Unfortunatly for him on his travels he pissed off a grumpy old wizard (by saying hello) and had his head and body promptly separeted. He now needs to spend 10 years ( I don`t know how long in his time) incarcerated in my computer before he can start his quest to get his body back.
This is Bob
This is Molly
Having no body at present, Bob is of very little use when it comes to questions of security. To remedy this situation I`m employing Molly to make sure that everything remaines evil. I found her at a small independant agency that supplies top quality fiends and monsters at very reasonable prices. Normally only the price of the food, which in Molly`s case is only one small child a week. I think that she`s on a diet though.
Now that you`ve met the staff, come on in, sit back, relax and enjoy the ride.
Our journey begins with us paying homage to what is simply the most outstanding comic partnership the world has ever seen. Calvin and Hobbes. They have shown a generation, and now the younger generation as well how to take up a life of anarchy, and how to take a stance against parents who will continue to ground children, and deny them sweets all over the world, untill they become grand parents and start pretending that they are nice. Through the long years of the war against parents (and girls), they kept our spirits high with their hilareous antics, and helped develop our tactical awareness, as well as providing us with such all time pop classics as "the Yukon song." I would like to take this oppertunity to start the campaign for a degree level course in Calvin and Hobbes studies, it`s no less than these international hero`s deserve.
While we`re on the subject of our penciled friends in cartoonland, also up for some sort of international recognition should be Bart Simpson. Obviously learning his trade from Calvin and Hobbes, Bart has matured into a straight A scholar with a very bright future ahead of him if he can stay away from the corrupting influences of a pleasent adult enviroment. Bart`s exelent attitude to his work no matter the load has earned him the right to brodcast his talents to the world on TV. This has enabled him to reach the children denyed the chance to read Calvin and Hobbes in the paper as their parents have fobbed them off with some colouring book telling them that papers are for adults, as they know fine well the power of the great ones. The future of the resistance against persicution by adults looks to be safe in the hands of people like Bart.
Bart in a menacing pose.
Praise must also go to the things that live on Seaseme Street. It must be hard for lifeforms so much higher that parents, ie muppets, to have to put up with them being around all the time. Oscar the Grouch has the right idea. He is the man (well muppet) where the Street is concerned taking no crap from anyone, even if they do just want to put it in the bin. That big monster thing with the two heads also has the right idea teaching children how to argue with those closest to them, ie parents. Bert and Ernie are also quite effective on this front, but the rubber duck has got to go. They need a permanent thing to hide their true colours and make them look sweet, not just one for bath time. Now the Aliens with all their "YIP YIOP YIP" stuff, that is just class. Nobody has ever come up with a better set of words and dialouge than they have. If they were from earth they would still be out of this world. The Count is the real military brains behind the operation, showing how somthing as simple as water can be an exellent weapon against parents. Just watch them run next time he counts. Finally the psycological wisdom of Grover being nicer to the kids than the parents are and the cookie monster's teachings on eating out of house and home make this programme really special. The cutsie wootsie image that Kermit and the like give it, and the glamour that Miss Piggy (or so parents think) adds is a perfect gloss over for this highly effective programme.
Look at the eyes. Pure psycological genius
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