Saving You ... From Paying to See This Movie!

By Teddy Durgin
Saving Silverman is one of those movies where something very bad happens to someone's testicles every 10 minutes or so.  And each time, it's supposed to be fall-on-the-floor funny.  Don't waste your time.  This new, would-be comedy (due in theaters Feb. 9) is about as funny as a kick to the groin, but the pain lasts much longer.Jason Biggs stars as Darren Silverman, a good-hearted loser who falls for a domineering killjoy named Judith (Amanda Peet). Silverman's two childhood friends, Wayne (Steve Zahn, playing his umpteenth Gen-X loser) and J.D. (Jack Black, who you will you want dead within five minutes of this movie), are dismayed that Judith has captured their friend's soul.  To them, she is the devil and she must be stopped.  So, they kidnap her and set Silverman up with Sandy, his long-lost love from grade school (Amanda Detmer).  One problem-o: Sandy, a beautiful blonde babe, is on the verge of becoming a nun. Yeah, right.

Saving Silverman could have been one of those wacky, little, dark comedies that builds on the strength of its talented cast. Instead, everyone is wasted in an appallingly unfunny plot that always goes for the lowest common denominator of humor.  The film labors painfully to mine laughs from a running subplot involving the three guys' love for Neil Diamond.  In their spare time from their slacker professions, the trio don sequined shirts and bad Neil wigs and sing '70s classics like Hello Again.  This is meant to be endearing.  Instead, it plays to complete silence.

Other sequences just fall embarrassingly flat, like the one where Sandy's nun friends lift weights or the one where Wayne and J.D. hire hookers to get incriminating photos of Silverman out on the town.  Another scene has Wayne going to great lengths to hook Silverman up to electrodes so that he can shock him anytime he says Judith's name.  He just happens to have such a contraption in the back of his van.  This gag has been done better before, most notably in an episode of Cheers when Cliff wanted to stop himself from being a know-it-all.  The joke there was that Cliff would receive little shocks.  In Saving Silverman, Wayne practically gives Darren the Dead Man Walking treatment.

There are some laughs in Silverman.  Most of them are garnered by R. Lee Ermey in a parody of his drill sergeant role from Full Metal Jacket.  Ermey plays the boys' former high school football coach, who is now in jail for spearing a referee.  Ermey chews the scenery in several scenes, treating everything like it's a military operation.  When Wayne and J.D. visit him in prison to seek his help for their smitten friend, Coach's advice is simple: "Kill her!"

The studio should have taken Ermey's advice and killed this movie before it ever went into production.  Let's face it.  Everyone in the cast has been better in other movies.  Biggs was funnier the first time he played a loser in American Pie.  After watching him play essentially the same guy now in four pictures, the routine has worn thin.  Zahn was better in Reality Bites, and Black was certainly better in High Fidelity.  It's mostly the writing that lets them down here.  It's hard to watch a movie where you are smarter than every single character.

Even worse, the screenplay seems to revolve around how many times can we show the audience bad-looking male posteriors.  I could have gone a few more years without seeing Ermey relieve himself in Wayne and J.D.'s front yard (he uses their mail as toilet paper).  And, no, guys.  There is no female nudity to justify an $8 investment.  If you wanna see Amanda's ... uh, peets, go rent The Whole Nine Yards.

Much blame has to go to director Dennis Dugan, an actor-turned-director who is making quite a career for himself directing such unfunny dreck as Beverly Hills Ninja and Big Daddy.  I fear this movie will get all the spillover business from those who can't get into Hannibal this weekend.  Save yourself the waste of cash.  Avoid Silverman at all costs.