Update
Mood:  energetic
Topic: Crochet page update
Well, it's 2006, and I've made one resolution... to do some stuff for ME this year. I know that I'm constantly trying to sell stuff, in an effort to stay home and tend to my creative side. But that hasn't been working in recent months, due to a nasty bout of depression and season affective disorder. It's BAD this year. I'm in bad shape, but trying to get through it one day at a time. My Happyghan sisters are being incredibly supportive and wonderfully understanding.

While I wait for this to pass (I don't have insurance, so haven't been able to get medical help lately), I've been emersing myself in crochet projects... new designs that hopefully will find their way to a webpage or booklet someday soon. I've got one new one up already. If you haven't checked out the Going to the Playoffs Shawl, please do! I need to add pictures to it, but it's an insanely easy 2-row repeat pattern, and works up in no time. Like my other shawl, I tried to make it so that the pattern isn't dependent on how large you want the shawl to be... just start it and keep going till you're done. :) I really like designs that work that way, if possible.

So this shawl has been very well received by the folks who tested the pattern for me, which was nice. And hopefully, now that I've got it up on the page, others will make it and let me know what they think.

I get a big kick out of hearing from all of you, by the way. Sometimes, when I'm really down, and thinking that the world would be better off without me (did I mention that suicidal thoughts are part of my particular form of depression/SAD???), I get a letter from one of you wonderful people, letting me know how my little webpage, or my pattern/s have enriched your life. That reminds me, in no uncertain terms, that God's got a purpose for me here, and that my talents are NOT negligible. They're not something that I can allow myself to throw away.

And for the record, the only time I've EVER even thought SERIOUSLY about suicide was the night my entire world came crashing to a halt... lost an entire circle of friends because of one person's scheming, lost my boyfriend, my home, and was in line for a lawsuit, all over things I didn't do... my roommate was a lunatic, but a stealth looney... nobody but her parents knew exactly how crazy she was, and they didn't warn me. Sigh.

ANyhow... that night, I called my mom, asking if she had a knife sharp enough to carve "I don't give a *hit" into my arm. Understandably, when I told her what I wanted it for, she came and got me and took me home. My brothers moved all my stuff back home the next day. :P That was 15 years ago. Wow.

Since then, life has taken turns... highs and lows, that I never would have suspected. I can't change the past, and wouldn't if I could. I wouldn't be the same person I am today, and I wouldn't be where I am in my life (which, despite the depression, is a pretty sweete place to be). We're strapped for money, constantly stressed because of social, work, and familial obligations, but we love each other more each day. We've been together over 9 years now, and it just keeps getting better. If I changed anything at all in my past, we wouldn't be where we are now, and I wouldn't want to take the chance on changing that!

So... what does this have to do with crochet??? Well, not a lot, really, except that crocheting is one of the ways I'm working on my depression. If I'm creating something, I'm not thinking about the world being better off iwthout me. I'm still ignoring bills (which we have the money to pay... I just forget to do it), and still missing deadlines, but I'm keeping my head above water, mostly, and that's what's important right now.

Anyhow... I've got a lot of what I think are nifty projects in the works, and hopefully, they'll all find a home on one of my webpages in the near future. Keep checking back... not every day. Sheesh! What am I... a machine? :P But seriously... as I finish new designs, I'll either post them, or post directions on buying the booklets. (That probably won't happen any time very soon, but you never know... sometimes I get a burst of energy and a lot of stuff happens all at once)

Well, I should go find sime warm fuzzy socks, and get back to the Carolina Panthers poncho I'm working on. I'm almost done with it, and it will be a nifty 'go team' item to start the next season with. The cool thing is, any team's colors can be substituted, and it looks great! So start figuring out what colors you want your poncho (or your favorite teen's school colors) to be... I've got it made up for 3 colors, so keep that in mind when planning. I'll try to get that pattern up soon, so that you have time to make plenty of them for next fall's games! :)

Okay... I'm out! Hopefully, I'll be better about updating this blog this year than I have been up to now! :P

Recipe of the day:
I tried something sinful tonight, and oh so easy...

You'll need a brownie mix or recipe, and a bag of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Hearts, or Hershey's Kisses with Peanut Butter

**Make up a batch of your favorite brownies.
**Spoon the batter into mini-muffin pans, about 2/3 of the way full.
**Cook for about 20 minutes at 350 degrees.
**While it's cooking, unwrap enough Reese's Peanut Butter Cups to press into the brownie bites. For valentine's day, I'm using Reese's Hearts. Yum!
**As soon as you take the brownie bites out of hte oven, press an unwrapped Heart into the middle of each bite. Wait a minute or so, then go back and gently but firmly press STRAIGHT DOWN on the heart. The chocolate that has melted will form a little lighter-colored rim around the Heart, making it look almost like you went back and piped on some extra decorations. :)

So very yummy... so very easy, and BITE SIZE!