Photographs, titles, and Corporate Kick-offs.

The new camera has been here for a couple of days now, and I have taken about three rolls of film already, just trying to become familiar with how it works. I really enjoy taking pictures with it! It makes these satisfying 'k-chunk' noises that sound like they belong in a Star Trek movie. It's nice and heavy in my hand, and was really easy to assemble. It is now in my van, happily sitting in its little blue diaper bag, waiting for me to take it out a few more times. I think I'll understand it well enough to use it up north this weekend, which was the goal in the first place! I'm pleased. Of course, I could get the photos back and they could all be crap; but I have my fingers crossed.

Yesterday in our departmental staff meeting, my boss's boss suggested that he needed someone to step up and take over as project coordinator for our Internet services. I almost opened my mouth and blurted out my offer, but then I remembered my 'tendency to overcommit' and remained quiet. Of course, no one else volunteered, because that has essentially been my project from the proposal on up. We sat in silence for an uncomfortable minute or two, and then I said, "Well, I wouldn't mind doing it, but my time is Earl's to spend." I looked across at Earl, my immediate boss, and saw that he'd been suprised by this whole thing, and hadn't had a chance to determine a response.

The idea was effectively tabled until sometime today when we will sort it out. I'm a little bit excited about the idea, because I already spend too much time supporting that project, and this might justify that, somehow. I also think it would be a chance to work on a long-term project pretty much on my own, where I'm not relying on anyone else to do anything, waiting for State approval, or whatever. It's nice to be able to to things unilaterally once in a while.

Today is the kickoff day for our annual 'corporate giving week'. The idea is that we run fund raisers for the United Way, or one of a number of other programs, all in one week, instead of spreading it out over the course of the year. I suppose it's easier to arrange this way. What it means to me is that I'll renew my payroll-deducted painless giving, and get to wear jeans to work for a week. Well, I guess giving isn't that painful in the first place, so it's mostly about the denim. Today I'm wearing my favorite MSU sweatshirt, jeans and running shoes. I feel downright human! I think it's funny that the successful people I work with feel they need to entice each other to charity with dress-down days and hot dog sales. Now that I'm alright financially, I enjoy giving, because I *can*, darn it! It always pained me when I was really hard up that I couldn't help out agencies like Ele's Place, the Humane Society, and the Red Cross. I'm really grateful I can help them now.

At our company meeting, the representative from the United Way was attempting to motivate people by pointing out projects which the United Way funds.

Wacky Presenter: Anne, you look like a Girl Scout. Were you a girl scout?

Anne: Yes, I was.

WP: Well did you know that the Girl Scouts is as Capital Area United Way funded organization?

Anne: No! (General nodding and smiling assent from the crowd.)

WP: Harvey! You look like a Boy Scout. Were you ever a boy scout?

Harvey: No. I wasn't.

WP: Come on, never?

Harvey: They'd kick me out. (The room bursts forth in applause and laughter for our proudly gay co-worker.) WP: (Turning 8 shades of red.) Well. Errr.

Harvey: (Holding up his United Way funding form.) And I have some major issues with this.

The poor presenter spent 5 minutes explaining how the United Way was committed to fund the Boy Scouts through the end of this year, but were reconsidering for next year because it's not their policy to fund discriminatory agencies. It was hilarious to watch him backpedal. Poor guy.

I miss my lunch hours at the Store very much. The day is so much shorter when I get to spend that time with Forest in the middle of every day. This week I have plowed my way through the fourth book in Katharine Kerr's series on my lunches, and while it's nice to read, it's just not as satisfying as lunch with sweety. Last night I got to see him from about 11 PM until we fell asleep a couple of hours later, which was nice, but I really wanted to go on a long moonlit walk, and we just didn't have time. It was beautiful here last night; the moon rose in a golden haze, reflecting from a thin layer of clouds, which lit up the entire sky for a few minutes while it was rising. I looked at that and thought of Forest, and wished he was there.

Alas, we're travelling together this weekend, which means that he wants to cram in time with a friend before we go, so I don't get to see him tonight, either. I'll probably have been long a-bed before he comes home.

I don't feel needy about it or anything; I'm not desperate or lonely or feeling abandoned. I do, however, miss him when I don't see him, in a sweet, gently longing sort of thing. I think about him all the time; the strangest things bring him to mind. Bruce Lee posters. Hanson's soda. Ice cream. Oatmeal. Moonrises, and starry nights. Flowers of any kind. Bookstores. Charlie Kang's. My van. Whenever I see wonderful new poetry, music, jokes, and artwork my first reaction is that I want to share them with him.

I talked to my mom on the phone last night, and tried to explain just how happy I've been, and how much Forest and I have enjoyed our time together. She says that she and Sam describe it as 'synergy' between them. I think that's an apt enough description anecdotally; however the dictionary's definition doesn't exactly encompass the whole idea. I would write a ten-page definition, though, which I'm sure would not please the dictionary's publisher, so I guess I'll leave well enough alone.

I had a call from a nice lady at MSU today, and they are admitting me into the Kinesiology department for spring semester. I don't really know how I feel about that. I know I'm in a good mental position to do well in school; I'm secure, confident, and have a very stable life compared with the last time I was in school. I'm a bit afraid of failure, though. I haven't royally screwed anything up in a long time, and last time I was taking classes, royal screw-ups were the norm. I'm afraid of walking in there with hope and determination and walking away defeated.

That's only a tiny niggle in the corner of my mind, though. I think I can do it. What's more, I think I can improve my GPA in the process.

I worry about the money, too. School is so damn expensive! The lady on the phone suggested that I should take a student loan for tuition, and then ask my employer to reimburse me, using the reimbursement to pay down the loan. That's a good idea; I just hate the idea of getting more in debt. Then again, if I'm willing to do it to buy a house, I ought to be willing to do it for my education, right?

Mostly I worry that if I start school, Forest won't feel like he can go. I guess we ought to sit down and go over the money involved and figure the whole thing out. Our original plan was that he was going to finish school, then I was going to have my chance to go. It makes sense, because of our salaries, and so on. Why am I flying ahead then?

Well, I don't honestly know. I'm experiencing a mysterious sense of urgency. Part of the reason is that I'm quickly forgetting everything I learned in college, which is terrifying to me. Last week I couldnt' remember the technical difference between a sprain and a strain, isn't that awful? That's $10,000 per year for nearly four years, wasted. Gone. Not to mention all that WORK. Why did I work my ass off for so long only to throw it away?

It's probably also influenced by the fact that the last of my college friends is graduating in May, and many of the rest are in grad school; and that I have personally helped two men (Bill and Jeff) get through school, but wasn't driven enough to do it myself, a fact which I vaguely resent. Why won't I do this for myself?

So I now have an appointment with an academic advisor, who hopefully won't wring her hands in too much despair over trying to sort out my transcript. I'm a real treat for an advisor. The university has made major changes since I was a freshman. Many of my classes don't exist anymore, their professors long-retired, and their components rolled up into 'integrative studies' or somesuch crap. My grades and credits have to be recomputed every time I turn around, because paleolithic student that I am, a third of them were taken on the quarter system, and the rest on semesters. The advisors I have spoken with have been peering at me under the lamplight as though I were some rare specimen, not seen on this continent in hundreds of years. They are blatantly awed to deal with a student of my 'experience' and 'maturity'. I'm sure they aren't trying to be mean, but I have to remember to take that as the harmless comment it was intended to be, not as an insult. Hey, just because I haven't been able to finish college in ten years doesn't mean I'm laughable, right?

Tonight I think Tiff and I are going to hang out, but I have no idea what we're going to do. I think she's enthusiastic about drinking somewhere... It will be fun to have a girls' night out, and I will try not to miss Forest too much ! Tomorrow we're going out of town. That will be lovely. I can't wait to get up north and see the colors. I hope the beautiful clear skies hold out until Tuesday.