Strange things

Thanks heavens, I can chalk up yesterday as a major victory for my exboyfriend. He sent me an email promising no more uninvited visitations to my house. And he stuck to it this time! He didn't pester me at all. I'm so relieved. I was really afraid he had lost all reason. I *do* still want his friendship, but I couldn't do it while there was nothing in him of the man I used to know. This is promising.

Although I must say that there was a large car at about 2:30 a.m. parked in front of my house, just sitting there for a long time. It might have been him. But I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say that it wasn't. Besides, it wouldn't have caught my attention at all if I hadn't gotten up to let Forest in the front door. At least if it's spying it's non-invasive. And hey, at least he gets to see that I don't spend every minute of every day with Forest.

I had a nice talk with Shelly yesterday which revealed a lot of things to me that I hadn't otherwise known. Everyone in the world has been assuming that I spend every spare minute with Forest. (Probably because that's why my ex-boyfriend assumes and has told them as fact. ) This really isn't true. Forest works three jobs, for crying out loud, and has his own family and friends to think about and spend time with. Yes, he stays at my house a lot of the time. On weeks I have Kirstin I'm usually in bed long before he shows up, though. We meet for lunch when we can. I drove to Chicago to pick him up when he was stuck there. Sometimes he checks up on me in the middle of the night when he gets in and we spend some time talking. Tonight, we are actually going out with Matt!! Hallelujah. Anyway, it's nice to know that maybe the reason none of my friends has called me is that they just assume I'm busy all the time. I hope they will rethink that one. I've really been quite lonely lately.

Shelly also revealed that my closest of friends have been wondering about my side of things, but they have tried to withhold judgement on me, which is really nice. I know they have only heard one side of the sordid tale, and I know it looks terrible. Actually, I really care what Shelly, Andy and Yeffy think, because they are really close, old friends, and I would be devastated to lose them. I'm somewhat angry that ex-boyfriend has dragged so many other people into this, though, by telling them his assumptions of my behavior and so on. People that I really wasn't that close to, but who were more casual friends are now looking down on me for whatever reason he has given them. I don't take even *casual* friends for granted.

On the other hand, I kind of feel like there isn't a lot of merit in chasing after all of these people and trying to patch things up. The damage has been done, and I don't really feel like opening myself up to these people for the first time in these circumstances. Besides, what am I supposed to say?

"I'm sorry that you find my life's choices inappropriate. I will sell my house and move back in with my ex-boyfriend and return to my life of detached misery now." ??
Or maybe "Gee, I see that you don't approve of the relationship I have with Forest. By all means, I will kick him out of my house so that you will be more comfortable. "???

I'm not willing to do those things. I won't go back on my decisions, because I did the right thing. And I won't kick Forest out of my life because I love him (don't jump to conclusions, you know what I mean...) and I need his friendship. I just don't see any way to make everyone happy here. It isn't possible. People are already having trouble trusting me, or they don't trust me at all. No matter what I say, or what changes I make to try to please them, they're going to remain distrustful. If anything I think I would only make things worse by pretending that I *don't* want to date people, or that I'm not going to have Forest move in. These are things I'm not going to change because my own conscience won't let me. *I* am the person I have to answer to every morning and night, after all.

My house continues to get colder every night. According to the thermostat, it was 53 degrees in there this morning *after* I ran a really steamy shower. I'm worried that before too long my pipes are going to start freezing. I still haven't had any word from the furnace installer guys though. Waiting lists suck. I know that this seems trivial in light of my other journal topics. You are welcome to try sleeping at my place and see how trivial it seems to you then. heee hee.