Not that I really wanted to, but after our nice trip, I was forced to dive headfirst into life again. Actually, we had to put everything away and then head straight out to Tae Kwon Do. Oddly, we were gone long enough to be glad to be home, and none of us really felt like going anywhere. Still, good little padawan that I am, I bundled up my uniform, my Forest, and my kid, and piled in the van to go to class.
Immediately upon walking in the door, I saw that Master Ron had stopped by to talk to Master Kim; which means that Master Ron will inevitably be coerced into leading class (even after his usual demanding schedule, it's almost impossible for anyone to say no to Master Kim.) Knowing what I was in for would ordinarily increase my anticipation level and energize me a bit; but in this case I was too tired, and just resigned myself to a tough night.
Kirstin sat down to play with A and Katherine (Elizabeth's girls), and Forest and I started to limber up a bit. I can't believe how crowded that beginning class is this year. There had to be 35 people crammed in that little room last night, all moving around and almost bumping into each other. Neither Forest nor I was in the mood to be there, but it's required, and I'm glad it's required, or I would never get any exercise because I would procrastinate it all away.
The beginning class is a large group of people who tend not to have any physical experience at all. Many of them have never worked out outside of the one year in high school gym class which is required to get a diploma. We usually start them out with jumping jacks, 10 pushups and 10 situps, and then increase gently from there. To most of these people, 10 pushups is a real challenge. May of them don't finish those 10, and many drop out because it's too difficult.
I respect Master Ron. He trains ALL the time. I'm not kidding. He spends hours every afternoon, lifting weights, leading taekwondo classes, and participating in team practice, and then in his individual practice. A nice, easy workout for him is probably not the same as a nice easy one for our beginners.
So he started our beginners out with 10 pushups, flathanded, and 10 crunches. Then he followed that with 10 pushups on the fingertips, and 10 crunches. Okay. Then ten knuckle pushups and 10 crunches.
Then we did 10 diamond pushups, hands together in front of our faces, touching our foreheads to the ground, and 10 crunches. Then there were 10 seal-style widespread pushups and another 10 crunches. That's the point where I'm comfortable. I can do that pretty easily in a given sitting.
Then we finished up with 10 elongated pushups, which involve lying on one's belly, hands stretched over one's head, scrunching up onto one's toes, and arching up that way. Then we did 10 more crunches.
I'm in reasonably good shape, and MY tummy and ribs are sore as hell today. Our beginners are going to be in agony. Master Ron says that he doesn't want to have any barriers to success, so he trains hard, all the time. I guess I believe in going a bit easier on beginning students. They can't go home and practice their kicks and punches if they are sore from head to toe. I believe they need training, but I believe it's better to start out in moderation; gradual increases are preferrable to sudden ones.
Of course, I would never argue that sort of thing with Master Ron, and I have to respect his experience, and trust that he knows what he's doing, as I would with Master Kim. It's not my place to disagree at all. My job as a student in class is to try for 115 percent of whatever the Master asks, without batting an eye. So that's what I try to do. When you're tired and grumpy and suprised by different challenges than usual, though, I admit that it can be harder to swallow.
We had a fairly good workout last night, though, after that. It felt good to be doing kata again, and before too long, I was glad to be there, even though I was tired. It was good to see all my friends, and I was happy with how my kicks are faring. Actually, it's nice to work with beginners sometimes, so I can remember that I looked like that a year ago. It's great to have progressed.
By the very end of the evening, I was yawning while I was doing jumping jacks, which really isn't a good thing; then I was completely tired out on the way home.
I also realized that I miss having club meetings. We used to meet after class on Monday nights, for LCC taekwondo club. It was great, because one could seek individual help, and opinions. Right now I'm one of the highest ranking students in class, so I'm expected to help out with the newcomers, and I don't get much (if any) help from the instructors. I can't say I blame them for that; etiquette requires that we all help the lowest ranking students first, and in a room of more than 30 people that means we are spread pretty thin. I haven't received comment, good or bad, in a while. I'm sure I'm not perfect at everything I'm doing; and I'm afraid that I'm repetitively training myself to make mistakes, since I've gone so long unchecked.
I'm hopeful that after the play is over, Forest and I will reinstate the club for just that purpose; to put advanced students in check. I've noticed Master Kim scrutinizing me a lot lately, and asking me to demonstrate things, but I'm not sure what to make of that. He may just be assessing me to judge when he will want me to try for a black belt; but that should be next year at the earliest. Forest assures me that if I did something wrong, Master Kim would be hard on me about it.
When we finally arrived home, we were so tired that we stumbled directly into bed, and went straight to sleep. In the morning I shuffled Kirstin off to the corner, and myself to the car, and wasn't awake until I was almost to work.
Forest realized at 10 AM that he didn't have his keys, because they were in the back of my van. *groan*
So I took an ultra-early lunch and drove them out to him, came back, and have been sitting at my desk ever since. I think some food is certainly in order at this point.
Forest is really stressed about money, because we spent so much last weekend, and because our new mortgage is a lot more complicated than our awful first one was. Then starting out his day with his keys and wallet in the back of my van made the day worse, and then he got to work and had a million things to do, and his dad wasn't there, which made things even worse yet. On his way out the door to go hom he konked his knee hard on something, and thus is in pain, too.
Then he got home to meet Kirstin after school, and discovered that she had homework from the week before that she hadn't done. (She had 'forgotten' about it. We really don't believe that.) Bill gave her a sound talking to on that one, and then Forest took her home to work on it. It was a book report. Apparently she had already read the book, and just needed to answer the questions about it.
Less than 5 minutes into this process, Kirstin was in tears, and refusing to try, and not listening to anything Forest said. The first thing they had to do was list 6 main events in the story. Kirstin insisted to Forest that she didn't remember anything about it. He tried asking her to tell the story to him, so that they could write the main points down, and she kept insisting that she didn't know. She couldn't even remember who the characters in the story were. Then she insisted that she wanted me to come home and help her with it.
Forest picked up the phone and called me, "Hon, you're going to have to come home."
I listened to what was going on, and it sounds to me as though Kirstin is pissed (internally) that I wasn't there to pick her up after school, and is hence refusing to cooperate with Forest. We have planned for him to be there after school to help her out practically every afternoon for the rest of the school year. This sort of thing will have to stop, NOW.
So I asked to speak to Kirstin. She was sobbing when she picked up the phone. I asked her to back up, and tell me what the book was about. (I've never read it.)
She said, "I don't know," and I said "Well, then I guess you'll have to read it again."
She cried more into the phone, so it was hard to understand, but I think she basically said, "But that will take all NIGHT!"
I said, "Did you read the book in the first place?"
"YES, I read it."
"So why don't you remember anything about it?"
She sniffled. "I remember some stuff."
I kept talking, and she informed me that the main character of the book's name was Juan, and that Juan was a poor kid who polished shoes, but then he saw kids going to school, and wanted to learn how to read.
I asked her what happened first in the book.
"Juan is polishing shoes and sees those kids."
I said, "Sounds like a main event to me."
She wanted to write it down, and Forest came to the phone. He's obviously incredibly frustrated. This sort of thing makes him feel like he's not good enough to be a good dad, or something like that. It's very hard on him. Hearing the sound of failure in his voice made me cry.
I offered to come home.
He didn't let me; he wants to try to get to some sort of working relationship with Kirstin, so that every time there is homework, I don't have to come galloping home to help.
I've got my fingers crossed, but after the terrible day that he has had, I wouldn't think he'd be in the mindset for much patience. Since Kirstin was within earshot, I couldn't even get him to talk about his feelings or what he was dealing with from his perspective.
So despite my instincts, I'm going to rehearsal. I'm bringing the cell phone, and hopefully they will call me with better news in a little while.
I understand that every kid tries a new stepparent like this. I just would have thought Kirstin would have it out of her system after the hell we went through last year. Why won't she cooperate with him? I just don't understand.
I really think she's just acting out because she's pissed off that I'm not there to help her. Which makes me feel like a terrible mom. Every day when she gets home from school at her dad's house, he's there, and so is her stepmom.
I've never been there when she's gotten out of school; not since I started working full time. It means we have a nice house, but it means she isn't happy, so what good does it all do?
I can't blame Forest and Kirstin for being frustrated. I'm frustrated, too. I wish there was a way to make it all good.
