Every rotten thing that happened yesterday was balanced out by its own brighter side.
I freaked out yesterday about that awful mortgage, felt victimized and panicky. Then I saw Forest at lunch, who gave me some perspective, so that I determined I'd try to find us something better. 5 minutes after making that decision I talked to a gentle-sounding man who thinks he can get us an FHA loan at 9 percent. If I hadn't been so freaked out I might never have called him.
I got out of work today, and was greeted in the parking lot by a flat (FLAT) tire on the back wheel of my van. I had a jack and a spare, so I went ahead and changed the tire, thinking to myself, "Great, this was a brand new tire just a couple of months ago, and now I'll have to replace it."
Happily, I was wrong. When I took the tire off I noticed that it had a screw in it, which is why it went flat. I also noticed that this was the ONE tire out of four that I had NOT just replaced, because it had been replaced about a year ago already. What's more, I got that nice sense of self-sufficient pride for being the kind of girl who can change her own tire without calling for road service or recruiting volunteers.
And if you're going to get a screw in one of your tires, it might as well be the one that's about ready to be replaced.
Then I got a call with terrible news. Kirstin has head lice. The upside of this is that she got it at Bill and Kathy's house, and I don't have to deal with any of the fallout personally.
At rehearsal we stopped at intermission for another hourlong session of photography. Yuck. Photoshoots annoy me like you'd not believe, particularly under hot lights in full makeup wearing the ugliest costume on earth. (It's school bus yellow with a red belt. Ugh.) All I could think about was how much I'd love to get OUT of there after about a half hour. Happily, the director and set designer got carried away while the photos delayed the rest of us, and the rest of rehearsal was called off! Woo hoo! I went merrily home to snuggle Forest and watch a Jackie Chan movie.
Those were all the nasty things that turned out to be good things yesterday. I'll talk to that new mortgage guy again this morning and see what sort of damage control we can do. I'll probably lose a few hundred more dollars in closing fees and early payment penalties, but I don't think I'll lose anywhere NEAR the 15% that the loan I have now is costing me. My CAR loan is cheaper than that.
So I got my dreams back. Hopefully Forest will still be able to start at MSU this spring, and I will be able to follow someday. The wedding will get paid for, and we'll be able to afford a honeymoon, and everything will be okay.
Today we're having a farewell luncheon for my secretary, Rachel. She was the first person I ever selected and hired myself, and I really like her. We'll be sorry to see her go. Still, I can understand why she's leaving. She's been back from maternity leave for about 2 weeks, and she just isn't happy with it. She wants to be at home with her son. While I personally can't relate (I can't stand being stuck at home all the time, I get lonely and go stir crazy), I certainly don't blame her for her choice.
Forest and I have talked about possibly having one more urchin someday. It would be expensive, but I guess it's medically possible. I find myself wondering what sort of mother I would be a few years from now. I've changed a lot since Kirstin was a baby. I certainly know myself better, know a lot more about parenting, and have settled down a lot in terms of where I want to go with my life. Still, I don't think I would want to be a stay-at-home-mom. I really go insane when I'm cooped up at home, even for a weekend, without any company but a kid, even now that Kirstin is nine.
Forest hadn't thought much about having kids until he and I talked about it; but he's always wanted to be a house-husband, at least for a while. He feels he'd enjoy it. (Maybe that's because he's been working full time since he was 13.) I admire anyone who is self-fulfilled enough to be happy that way.
I feel like a big ugly pig today. Last night for the 4th night in a row I had to eat nasty fast food on the road, which makes me feel sticky and greasy inside and out. I wish I had time for a grocery run, and I would pack myself some dinners and not DO this to myself anymore. It's really awful. Next week I go back to taekwondo for fall semester, and I feel like I've lost a lot of muscle and gained a lot of fat in this short break.
This really isn't the greatest time to be feeling broke, either. Forest and I had planned to travel on Labor Day weekend, so I just made camping reservations for us. Then I talked to him on the phone, and he's not sure he can get Monday and Tuesday off, and is considering driving back really early Monday morning. I don't know, maybe we'll take two cars and Kirstin and I will stay up a little longer. I would rather not do that, but we may have to. Even if he can get the day off, he doesn't feel like he can afford to. It's a bummer. I wish there was something I could do about it, but I can't, because I've got to renew my car's license plates, and there's a chance I'll have to make that massive house payment in September while I'm still in the process of refinancing AGAIN, and there are all the regular bills.
Nonetheless, I think we can afford the trip camping and the time off if we're careful. I asked Forest to pass on my birthday, and just take some time off work instead. We'll see if that will fly. It always sucks to not get paid.
