Right. For some reason, for the first time in years, I have things I want to do with my time, and my Boyfriend is wanting me to spend every spare minute with him. The old Wendy would not have had a problem with this. I used to want to be with my lover all the time, to share everything right down to the air we breathe. I wanted to be like one with that person.
Years of rejection and being pushed away have changed all that. At first I was lonely, and sat alone wishing for my mate. I felt neglected, and bored. Since then, I have grown to enjoy my freedom. It was nice to be able to do whatever I wanted without feeling responsible for anyone else's happiness. I have a lot of things I now enjoy doing quite by myself, and have friends with whom I like to spend time. For the first time in eons I've been invited to three parties this weekend.
Hence the conflict. Already my boyfriend is asking me about my plans for this weekend. I wanted to be honest, so I explained about my invitations to him, and suggested that we spend Saturday and Sunday nights together, and tonight I will get the partying out of my system. I hope he is okay with it. I don't want to miss out on all the fun.
Doesn't that sound WRONG? It used to be that I would do anything to spend time with him. Forest says I should be perfectly honest and frank, giving boyfriend the opportunity to be flexible and allow me my freedom. It's difficult, but I am trying. I feel like I hardly know him at the moment, because he is suddenly so different! I mean, out of the clear blue sky he wants to spend a lot of time with me, and keeps me awake at night talking. He gets jealous that I spend time with other people. He's not pressuring me to stop having a life, but I'm left with the knowledge that I'm hurting his feelings. It's a complete role reversal. I used to be the one bugging *him* for more time. Just getting together with our friends no longer satisfies him. He wants time alone with me. (It used to be that we would have a date, and he would invite another 4 people along!) Last night he suprised me with a huge boquet of beautiful flowers! I haven't had flowers in YEARS.
I know, they are all pleasant changes. I'm just so stunned that I can't believe this is the same man. I feel like I'm being courted by a stranger. It's confusing, and I don't know how much closeness I want.
I keep telling myself to have patience. Everything will fall pat in time. I'll move, and I'll have some enforced freedom and alone time. We will adjust to physical seperation. He will get busy with the theatre season, and we will have to adjust to that. It will sort itself out. Right??
