I look around at the world, and I know I am sitting in the same place I was yesterday, typing my entry as I always do. As usual, my chair is slightly uncomfortable and my other computer's screensaver is flashing "Hoody Hoo!" every few minutes. Everything should feel quite ordinary.
But it doesn't. Everything looks alien, and has a rough edge that I ordinarily don't see. People seem unreal, like actors in a bad movie. The lights seem overly bright, and the hallway ahead seems twice as long as it is, and the wallpaper seems to have lost its color.
No, I'm not hung over. I don't drink, and I don't do drugs. So I must be perceiving or projecting some subconscious feelings, right? That's the psychobabble reasoning for this type of phenomena.
I think, though, that everyone has days like this, when they just don't feel like they are wearing the right skin. My life isn't an unpleasant one, but maybe on this particular day I'm supposed to be on a cruise ship to some foreign place. Or maybe I should be flying the space shuttle, teaching a kindergarten class, or perhaps cooking food in a diner. Or am I supposed to be performing brain surgery, climbing a mountain, or installing someone's cable?
Last night's rehearsal went really well. The Township Clerk came to see it, and said she truly enjoyed herself, so I guess that's a good sign. Lysander was there and in one peice, and knew all his lines spot-on perfectly. Having spent a little time together, we are getting better at chemistry, I think, so hopefully by Thursday you will all believe that I am completely in love with him. It's hard to have chemistry when you only met someone a week ago. I've opened myself up to him on a somewhat personal level, which helps a bit. I trust the actor and consider him a friend, albeit a new one. It's that next step that is difficult. There are actresses who can't fake it. They really fall in love with the person they are acting romantically with. You read about it all the time in the tabloids. I think what happens is that the Actor's body language starts to get the actress on some subconscious level to actually believe his performance. So she falls for him. This is considered great theatre at the time, because the audience gets to see and feel the real connection between those two people.
As for me, I prefer to work toward just the right chemistry with the other actor so that we remain professionals, but the audience believes we really love each other. It's very difficult to do. You have to teach your body a whole new language, and learn to filter out the input that catches your real-life instincts, and bring in the input your character needs to exist. Then you have to be able to look longingly and lovingly into the eyes of the other actor without being embarrassed, blushing, or looking away. You have to be able to touch, kiss, and move as a couple in love, without giving away your actual selves in the moment. This is what I hope to achieve with the Lysander actor by Thursday. I just don't know if we have time to polish it that much.
Kirstin is doing a wonderful job, and loves her fairy wings. I hope the audience doesn't throw her too much. I know how hard it is to step up and pretend that they don't exist. All those faces can be very distracting.
