This time on that ride, I think I at least gained a little understanding of what's going on. See, in my old life with Jeff, every minute of my time was booked. Often the plans were made before I knew about them, and I followed along. For the most part I liked it that way. Jeff is a social magnet, and likes to draw other people to him, and they were people whose company I enjoyed. Sometimes it was my job to call everyone and inform them of time and place; but most of those calls were made on Jeff's agenda. This was my social life, and I was generally happy in it.
Once in a while I would get tired of the constant company, and constant people, and constant noise. Occasionally I'd stay home, or spend time one on one with Shelly instead, or go to bed while everyone stayed up in the living room. This didn't happen very often though. For the most part I enjoy having people around.
I learned to treasure my alone time, and I learned things I like to do when I'm alone. Some Yoga, listening to my music, curling up and reading a good book. I like to do those things in small doses; they calm me and make me happy.
In my new life, I don't have anyone arranging social interactions for me. Forest doesn't work the same hours that I do; he tends to be busy all weekend and three weeknights each week. He can't possibly make plans with me during my free time, because he isn't free. Also, he doesn't know all of my friends that well yet, and even if we had the same time off, he wouldn't instinctively think to call all of them and arrange something. That's not *Forest*.
He makes plans and arrangements for his own social life, and I'm on my own. That's as it should be.
Then he feels bad when he knows I spent the weekend being lonely, because he couldn't be there with me. I've tried to explain that this isn't his fault; it's because I'm some sort of social mysanthrope, and I'll try to improve.
Now that I realize what's wrong, maybe I actually *will* improve. There's no sense waiting for someone else to make plans for me. I should acknowlege that I cannot spend the following weekend with Forest, because he is working open to close, and I should make plans elsewhere.
Other than that, I learned how to bottle-feed a kitten this weekend, and how to buy a lawnmower. Fun.
