Friday after work I didn't really have anything to do other than go home and work on my mess of a house. Making my best effort to avoid that, I decided to stay in town for a while, and see a movie instead. I called a couple of friends, and my mom, but didn't get ahold of anyone to accompany me, so I went with a co-worker. We don't know each other all so well, but it was such a good movie that it didn't matter. We saw Erin Brokavich, and I really enjoyed it. Unfortunately, I also identified all-too-closely with the main character. Granted, she was raising three kids in squalor and I only have one... but at one point, after killing a monster cockroach, she shouts, "WHO raises kids like this?"
I know exactly what she means. That's the line from that movie that sticks the most in my head, because it's the one I have said myself, many times, usually in fits of utter despair. Once when it was dinner time, and I had to sell my textbooks to buy groceries. Another time when I couldn't get day care when my munchkin had the flu, and had to take her to final exams with me or risk flunking the semester.
I'm glad I don't have to stamp my feet and wonder "Who raises kids like this" anymore.
After the movie Friday night I went back to Eaton Rapids, and spent 2 hours and $200 at the grocery store. No kidding. I have never bought so many groceries in my life. My tax returns were in the bank, though, and I thought I might as well stock up on all the stuff you always need. I got multiples of most things, too, so I wouldn't have to buy them for a while. I ended up needing two baggers with two carts to get it all into the van, and it took more than an hour to unpack it all and put it away when I got home. But we're stocked, darnit.
Or maybe I was just all too happy that I no longer have to worry about enough money to eat, and got a little giddy about it.
Forest came home long after I was in bed, and I only have vague recollections that he was really tired and grumpy in the morning, and didn't wake up until he was long gone.
I spent Saturday morning and afternoon in my yard, shovelling. There is a fence in the back that I'm trying to remove, and of course, underneath it are large cement blocks which I am also trying to pull out of the ground. I have splinters and knicks, scrapes and bruises all over my hands from this work, and some splotches on my face where it looks as though I just might have seen the sun. After digging all day and getting positively sweaty and filthy, I stopped long enough to use my freshly-dug soil to plant a few beds of flower bulbs. Hopefully the rabbits won't eat them. They didn't eat the tulips yet, so I think I might just be okay.
At about 4 PM I knocked off the hard labor and headed for the Sheraton. It was lovely and relaxing there, and I spent my first hour there just lying on my tummy on the bed, flipping through the channels on TV.
When you're a hick with no cable, it's downright overwhelming how many channels a hotel can get. I was mesmerized by the weather channel, apalled by the Elian raid down south, and amazed at the cool story they had on adventurers on some uncharted island somewhere. It was great. I don't necessarily enjoy cable when I have it... but it's neat to stare at once in a year or so.
Forest joined me shortly thereafter, and we went down to use the pool and hot tub for a few hours. It was absolutely wonderful. I was suprised at how many families with small children were there; but Forest pointed out that they were probably visiting family for Easter. I was looking at him when he looked past my shoulder, and his face lit up with a completely unshielded, almost-worshipful smile. I turned to see what he was looking at, and it was a little boy, maybe 3 years old, who was positively adorable. After that, we thoroughly enjoyed watching other people's kids play. They were suprisingly well-behaved, and quiet, and well-supervised, which was a nice thing. We were able to relax and enjoy them.
As usual, we soaked in the hot tub until we couldn't stand it, then got into the pool to play. Playing in the pool for us generally means kicking each other in slow motion, and using Judo and Aikido to dunk each other. It's most enjoyable. We also play to see how many times we can swim across underwater without breathing, race a little bit, and generally just bask in each other's company. We both love the feel of the water, and I have recently discovered the beauty of touching his skin in the pool, too. It's strange how a person is at once wet and cold, yet warm and smooth underneath.
We went to dinner with Darcy, and then were complete sloths all night long. We went to bed with the intention of a midnight swim, but instead spent about 12 straight hours asleep. It was shameful, but it sure felt good. In the morning we took another fun swim, then joined his dad for breakfast.
Forest's dad didn't seem to do too badly considering all the trauma going on in his life, and this being a major holiday and all that. I'm glad. It occurred to me, much too late, that I'm sure we could have invited Forest's dad and grandma to join my family for Easter dinner. They would have been welcome. Grandma Ruth would be tickled to talk to someone from her own age group, and I'm pretty sure Forest's dad would get along grandly with Sam and Jim. Unfortunately, I didn't think of this until we were halfway out of town that day. Next year, I will be more prepared.
After giving that some thought, I took us on a driving tour of Southern Michigan. Actually, I didn't plan it, I just plain got lost. I haven't been to Ruth's house in about 3 years, and had to get directions from Sam on how to get there.
These directions didn't include any street names or distances. "Well, you go south on 127. Then when you see the flashing yellow, take a left. Then at the 4-corners, take a right. Then take the second left and go to the top of the hill."
Those were the directions that I got.
So first I accidentally bore to the left instead of to the right at the fork in the road, and ended up in Chelsea. I backtracked from that, got on the right fork, but then missed the turn-off, so I ended up in Adrian. I backtracked from that, and was so frustrated by that point that I woke Forest up in a fit of irritability. I hate getting lost, because I feel like a moron. Obviously, anyone should be able to follow these simple directions, right?
Unfortunately, my directions didn't include a fork in the road or a turn-off. It was a little frustrating.
Happily, after taking more than 2 hours to complete a 45-minute trip, we arrived just in time for dinner. I was pleased that I managed not to make a pig of myself, since it was a holiday and all that. Mostly I ate the vegetable dishes, and I don't think anyone noticed that I only ate a millimeter-thin bit of ham. I just wasn't that hungry after the breakfast we'd had anyway.
It's always fun for us to visit with my family. Karen and Jim are at an interesting point of adulthood where they are willing to poke fun at each other and reveal their college-student sort of lifestyle before my parents. They made fun of each other's drunken feats during the Final Four game last month, and as usual, Jim had lots of funny and homicidal things to say about their puppy. Poor Jim and that puppy are really duking it out for dominance of the household, I think.
Forest and I joined in the silliness to a degree, and as usual, I think he had fun with them. We never feel like we want to leave when we're together with my folks, but we almost always have to, because we have somewhere to go.
Sunday was no exception. We'd promised to visit his dad some more, and possibly see some other of Forest's family members. We both knew it would be difficult, because this is the first holiday his folks have had that wasn't a family event.
We went to the Store to track down his dad. At the Store, we found that Sean and Kristin were open, trying to earn some extra cash. Unbelievably, I guess they'd even been fairly busy. It's strange to me that people go to an ice cream store on Easter Sunday. Forest says it's just another day on the Northside.
I was a little upset, and at first I didn't know why. We walked in the Store, and after a few minutes I got a knot in my stomach. Soon I realized that it was because I was being ignored. No one greeted me when I walked in, or spoke a single word to me while I was there. I tried to be nice and polite and greeted them, but I got one-word replies and they walked away. There weren't any customers. There was no reason for that. I thought it was a little hurtful.
As they were closing up, I asked if I could do anything to help. Sean looked at me as though I was a complete idiot, and said "Yeah, put those cups away." Yes, they were right in front of me, but I didn't know what was to be done with them! But I was made to feel stupid for not knowing. I still didn't know where they went, but I used my dizzying intellect to guess at it, and since no one yelled, I assume I got it right. After that I didn't volunteer to help anymore.
This hasn't been my usual experience at the Store. Usually if I'm there at closing time, I help out, and someone is kind enough to tell me what ought to be done, and they appreciate that I'm willing to do anything at all. Sean doesn't usually work there, though, so I didn't realize that he'd be like that.
Next thing I knew, I was standing in the back talking to Forest and his dad. We were getting ready to leave. Sean looked at me, and said "cups." I started looking around for paper cups. There were a zillion different kinds of cups within my easy reach. "Which cups," I said.
"Cups," he repeated. And kept repeating it, as though it were blatantly obvious what I should be doing. I started frantically looking around trying to guess what he meant. Until finally Chuck informed me that Sean wanted peanut butter cups, which were in the freezer near where I was standing.
As if I would know what the hell it meant that he was standing there yelling "cups!" I couldn't believe what a jerk he was being to me. But I was quiet, handed him the tub of 'cups', and said that I would have gotten them a lot faster if he'd use more than one word to describe what he wanted.
He ignored me again.
I was pissed. And hurt. I don't like being made to look like an idiot. How the hell was I supposed to know?
By the time Forest and I got in the car I was at once fuming and starting to cry. I pointed out that it really frustrates me that according to Sean I don't have much of a personality... but then when I walk in the room he alternatively ignores me or is a bastard to me. How am I supposed to act around someone like that?
He was pretty upset, too, because his brother was being pretty much a jerk all around. It was Forest's conscious choice not to train me at the store, and therefore I don't know everything there is to know about it. It irritated him that his brother didn't respect that.
He also pointed out that Sean's never liked any of his girlfriends while he was dating them. That didn't really help, though, because I'd like to think I'm different from girlfriends past. I've been around since late September. Eight months is a long time in Forest's timeline, I would think Sean would get over his dislike of me by now. On the contrary, I don't think he's made much of an effort to get to know me. The only times I ever hear about Sean wanting to get together with Forest it's just the two of them. He's not interested in being with us as a couple.
Problem is, I have a major problem with not being liked. I *like* people to like me, but particularly I want to be liked, even loved by the family of the person I'm spending so much of my life with. Generally, the rest of Forest's family doesn't seem to be a problem. Just this one person. And it really hurts my feelings. And pisses me off.
Forest cleverly made me smile, and I soon stopped fuming and crying. He has a nice way of soothing me sometimes that I really appreciate.
Soon we were en route to Pockets, which is a pool hall in a very scary neighborhood, where Ross, Forest, and his dad tend to like to hang out. This marked at least my third trip to the pool hall, and I must say, after being made to feel like an idiot at the Store, I really wasn't looking forward to playing pool. I'm really bad at it, having hardly played in forever.
They don't do it the easy way, either. They play games I don't know (the only one I know is 8-ball) and on great big tables like I've never played on before. I can't even reach some of the shots without crawling up on the table, practically, which is a big pool-hall no-no. A huge, grumpy guy glares at you if you do things like that.
Forest had built me back up, though, so I didn't feel like too much of an idiot, and started to relax and have fun again. Sometimes I can't understand half of what Ross is saying, because he's spent most of his life with ghetto kids, and speaks like one... except that Ross is very charismatic, and delivers all his speech with a lot of feeling, and expression. Finally, I discovered that I can generally get the spirit of the speech, and the humor of it, if I add an addendum to the end.
For instance, after a particularly bad shot, he said "motherfuckin' sheeeiit' (the world 'shit' having many more syllables than I might ordinarily read.)
I added a simple, silent 'quoth he' to the end, and it became humorous. Which was the spirit in which it's intended. Which was a good thing! Otherwise, it just sounds like a person cursing out a pool cue. It really isn't that. It's Ross making light of the situation.
Forsooth. "Cosksuckin' bastard," quoth he.
Hee hee hee.
Okay, maybe this isn't amusing to anyone else. It made me laugh, anyway.
All in all, the aches of the few minutes spent at the store were soothed away while I played my usual terrible game of pool, ate nachos, and drank Cherry Coke, despite the caffeine.
Forest and I were still very much in love and happy all weekend, and I'm more appreciative than ever of his ability to completely make me not care about anything else. It's a dangerous talent, but I trust him with it. See, I'm still at work and all that. He doesn't take advantage of it.
But a few minutes with him, and I'm not pissed off anymore. My feelings aren't hurt, and I could care less whether we're playing pool in a scary neighborhood or dining in a 4-star restaurant. I don't care who we're with, whether we're on time or late. I don't even pay much attention to driving, and frequently miss my turns when we're in the car together. All I can think about is how wonderful and warm his hands are, what a sweet smile he has, and whatever he's saying at the time.
I've never been so consumed with someone in my life, and I love it.
Tonight we're back to the humdrum world. I have to pick Kirstin up from my mom after work and speed off to bell choir. He's got class, then he's visiting Bridget. Neither one of us will be home terribly late.
I won't get to write tomorrow, because we're in first aid and CPR training all day tomorrow, and then class tomorrow night. Since Forest is teaching such a physical class, and just in the name of good citizenship, we thought it would be a good idea for us both to get certified in this stuff, so at 8 in the morning, it's off to the Red Cross to practice with Rescue-Annie.
My annual review is in a few minutes. Wish me luck.
