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Tired out.

Last night Forest and I didn't spend as much time working out as usual. We came into Tae Kwon Do club feeling relaxed and happy, having eaten a picnic dinner and taken a nap in the park. We're very much loving each other right now, and were basking in each other and the beautiful spring day.

The instant we walked in the room, however, it was clear that the black belt candidates were nervous. The level of tension in the room was contagious. Soon, although he tried not to show it, Forest was as nervous as they were. In a way, their performances reflect on him as an instructor while Master Kim has been out, and he wanted them to do well. I think I was the only one who saw he was nervous through his very busy facade, which made me feel sort of special. It's cool that I know him so well.

I did my best to stay out of the way during club, because the candidates were using it for practice time; warming up, running forms, and trying not to get any more terrified than they already were. The innate tension in the room stepped up a notch when the TKD students from MSU showed up. Their instructor Ron was there, and two of his black belt students, one to test for 2nd Dan, one for 3rd. They brought a number of spectators with them, and a videocamera. The folks at MSU train hard, and no one from our group would want to look bad in front of them, even while practicing.

Our candidates dedided to run all 17 of their forms in sequence, and by way of support, Forest joined in, making occasional corrections and comments. To try to help out, I called their commands for them, trying to emulate Master Kim's pace. Halfway through, I started to call out "30 minutes to the test, take it easy", because I saw that they were tiring themselves, and thought to remind them to cool it. They were really going all out practicing the forms, possibly because they didn't want to lose face before Master Ron and his guests; possibly because they were very very nervous.

Another 5 minutes in, and Master Ron came over to my perch on the desk. "Are you going to make them run *all* of those?" he asked, looking incredulously at me, as though I were the biggest bad-ass meanie in the world.

"1 through 8 Tae Guk, 1 through 8 palgwe, and Koryo," I replied.

He looked at me like I was out of my mind. "When is the test?" He asked, still seemingly wondering if I was insane or just cruel.

"Twenty minutes," I said, "But they *wanted* to do it! Honest."

He smiled, shook his head, and went back to his group. It was an interesting way to meet another martial artist!

Everyone finished up their forms, and most people had settled down to a comfortable knot in their tummies as opposed to outright fear. One of the candidates was so terrified of screwing up that he couldn't even work up the nerve to warm up with the group. I thought that was a mistake, and Master Ron gave him a talking-to, and eventually he joined it. Man, that's a lot of fear.

It seemed as though people were more afraid of screwing up than they should have been, like their expectations of themselves were way, way too high. I was relieved when Master Ron took them all aside and talked to them about these expectations. He reminded them that a true student is on a path, and that milestones along the way really don't matter to him. He pointed out that you won't be perfect when you earn a black belt, and that the belt won't make it any easier. A bad sidekick as a brown belt will still be a bad sidekick as a black belt. There's no magic distinction. He did a good job trying to diffuse the tension, and take the candidate's expectations down a notch. I think it helped a few people, but some were so attached to their fear that they couldn't let it go.

When Master Kim arrived, I was still perched on the edge of his desk, which is an old habit of mine from my Aikido days. He greeted me with his usual grin, which reminded me of Aikido, too. For some reason I amuse him.

Master Kim is always happy on test days. He walked in with a huge grin on his face, and joked with me about my habit of sitting on desks. (It's a long standing point of silliness with us.) I skittered off to get out of his way, and after everyone bowed in, went to sit cross-legged with the other spectators against the wall. There were quite a few people there, so many that they lined the one wall, and filled most of another, as well as the entryway. Most of them knew enough to take off their shoes, or were gently informed in hushed tones while the test began.

It took a little over an hour. First they ran the bulk of their forms as a large group, Master Kim and Master Ron judging each person's abilities when they couldn't possibly know when or if they were being watched. It was fun to watch Forest's face at the beginnings of each one. His heart was definitely out there with his students.

Then, in smaller groups, they ran Koryo, which is the 1st degree black belt form. I thought people did a good job, although there was lots of room for improvement.

After all the forms came sparring, which was great fun to watch. The candidates strapped on pads and helmets, chomped into their mouth guards, and went full-contact.

One of our classmates, Jeff, is a former golden glove boxer, and he is great fun to watch, because he never tires. Boxing rounds are LONG. Tae Kwon Do rounds are usually 2 or 3 minutes. Jeff is also great fun to watch because in TKD, people fear each other's kicks, but tend to not worry about punches so much. Jeff has some great kicks, but Oh My God, if he punches you you are screwed up in a big way. He landed one punch square in the center of his opponent's chest pad that sent the guy backward a good 6 feet or so. After that, the guy was more wary of Jeff's fists. (As he should be.)

Master Kim let everyone go until they were exhausted during the test, except that I think Jeff could have kept sparring for another three days without tiring.

There was a lot of good sportsmanship, and several close matches. It was a lot of fun to watch. I felt out of place grinning, because everyone was taking this so seriously!

In the end, almost everyone passed the test. This suprised me a little bit. I would have bet on four of them as sure things, but questioned the other two. Still, Master Kim knows what he's doing, and it was a happy day. The only bummer was that we all had to do calisthenics immediately after the test, and run forms, so we didn't get to congratulate some of them on their achievement, because they left too soon. I know Forest is eager to talk with them.

After class we went out to Reno's West with a couple of the guys who were celebrating, and had some fun. Larry is 53 years old, and has terrible arthritis. He has been working on Tae Kwon Do for years, and tried and failed the black belt test once before. Obviously he was ecstatic to make it. His kicks are never going to be long and beautiful, because he just physically can't do it... but Larry has all the mental attributes in place. He's just plain a great human being, who has demonstrated endless perseverence, patience, and that indomitable spirit I was talking about yesterday. Most people in his place would have given up a number of times. So I think he earned his black based on that alone. He was also consistent, knew all the mental work inside and out, and the whole time was respectful and good to work with.

Larry drank coffee with us, and was as usual very encouraging of Forest as a teacher, and thankful for his help.

Scott also joined us. He's a tall guy, former basketball player, in fact. He was on cloud nine, and put the moves on our waitress while we waited for our bill. I had no idea he was so outgoing.

We all ate some dinner, played some pool, and shot some darts until it was quite late at night. Forest and I drove Scott home, and very tiredly proceeded back to Eaton Rapids. Unfortunately, we were both bone-tired, but still very excited from the events of the day. We chatted on about it for the whole ride home, though our shower, and after we had hit our pillows, falling asleep in mid-phrase.

This morning the alarm hit us awfully early, but I wasn't inclined to mind too much. My sweety rolled over, put his arms around me, kissed my forehead, and told me how much he loved me. He was mumbling and half asleep, which only goes to show how much he meant it. We stayed that way for longer than we should have, and I basked in every minute of it. I can't believe how dearly I love this man.